


Hiraeth

by kihyunqx, sochamilk



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: #FIghtForWonho, Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Absent Parents, Alternate Universe - Future, Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Angst, Based on an idea from an AU, Character Death, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Guns, Hyungwon is kind of depressed, Implied Sexual Content, Kihyun is hurting, Kihyun is traumatized, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Death, Morse Code, Strangers to Lovers, because
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2020-02-10 00:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 68,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18648907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihyunqx/pseuds/kihyunqx, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sochamilk/pseuds/sochamilk
Summary: I…Hoseok’s fingers faltered slightly before continuing,I don’t have much time. I know you’ll hate me forever for this, but… I’m leaving. I’m going to see Kihyun. I know how selfish I’m being, but… I’d rather die after seeing Kihyun than live for decades talking to a window, not knowing whether or not I’ll receive a reply.Or where Hoseok and Kihyun are lovers who can never see each other, touch or do anything until then.!!discontinued because we cannot physically bring ourselves to write about wonho.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So as you guys probably read on the summary, this story idea is based on something from the twitter [AU](https://twitter.com/monbooboo/status/1088836487427354625) by [Lara](https://twitter.com/monbooboo) !
> 
> If you've read that AU, well you know the overall of structure of how this story will go! If you haven't read her AU, it's alright, we do suggest reading this first, just so the AU won't spoil anything else.
> 
> Somethings to take note of:  
> \- This story is purely fictional, all the events that happen are based on our imagination and Lara's.  
> \- Not all mx members will appear in this story for specific purposes. They may or may not be mentioned a few  
> times, but that will be the most there is.  
> \- We aren't done writing this entire story, so updates will be once every two weeks on Tuesday! 
> 
> Enjoy~

The carnations bloomed in hues of pink, purple, and red, bursting out and pushing the edges. Clusters of overgrown roots clung desperately to the looming fences, climbing higher and higher until they reached the wired tips. Years of dust mixed with fresh dew coated the bright petals. Nobody touched them in years. A deafening silence rang throughout the town, an eerily unsettling feeling amidst its quaint appearance.

Little houses lined up next to each other, like shells on a beach, some squished together, and others far apart. Despite the untouched, yet so-called orderliness of the small town, not everything was as it seemed.

In the year 2041, a swift and jarring change shook the town. The government implemented a system that left the citizens baffled - not that they could do anything about it.  Soon, their lives would be endangered if they ever dreamed of freedom or, well, ever left their homes. The little houses that had once seemed to be out of a fairytale became a weapon of murder, killing the tenant the second they stepped a foot out of the door. Each house had a M47 gun pointed towards the door that could sense any sort of movement whenever it crossed a certain line in front of the house. The government would send a monthly supply of necessities in a simple brown package: food, new clothes, and any other essentials.

To request for any other needs such as medical equipment, bandages, or vitamins, the owner of the house had to send an electronic letter that required approval. Once it passed through, whatever they need would be sent in the next package.

Living in this world of solitude made people go berserk. Some committed suicide, leaving piles and piles of packages on their doorstep to rot and fester with flies. Others shrank into a deep despair, realizing that there was no way to escape this dystopian society. Very few accepted that that was how their life would be, shuffling around the same, old pieces of dusty furniture, and looking out the window to the same, silent setting of the small, run-down town. They knew that they could never leave even if they wanted to. They knew that there was a purpose behind the government’s doing, and that purpose was to assimilate all the people who lived in that small town.

And just like that, time went by. A new generation would grow up in this society, never having tasted the freedom of the past generations, never being able to feel the wind graze their feet as they run or gently dance under the rain. All of that had simply disappeared with something as simple as a snap of one’s fingers.

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! We live on them as motivation to continue writing~ 
> 
> We update every two weeks on tuesdays because not all of the fic has been written out and edited!!
> 
>  
> 
> [@nana](https://twitter.com/ateexzm)  
> [@dan](https://twitter.com/_flowerchae_)


	2. Y Dechrau

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But you’re not, aren’t you?, the voice crept in. After all, what’s a home without a family?

 

Kihyun woke up to the thump of snow as it fell on the ground, all clumped together. The sun was nowhere to be seen, unlike other days where the light shone through his curtains and embraced his cheeks. Today, the rays peeked timidly from the ash gray clouds, not daring to reveal themselves. His eyes drooped, then shut as he turned to the other side of his bed, sinking into the warmth once more.

 _No._ Kihyun told himself. _I must get up._ He rubbed furiously at his crust-filled eyes and pushed himself up from his position, immediately feeling a rush of wind hitting his face. Shivering, he shoved his feet into his plain white slippers and trudged to the bathroom where he splashed his face with cool water. He noticed the reflection of the tiny calendar on the kitchen wall as he patted his face dry.

 _It’s the_ _first_ _, Kihyun. Get yourself together._ Kihyun hung the towel back to where it was and shuffled to the entrance of the house, preparing himself for a gust of relentless wind. He opened the door and pinched the sides of the same brown package that arrived at his doorstep every _first_ of the month. He avoided the gun that pointed at him, the muzzle glaring down at him and watching his every move. Kihyun dragged the heavy package to him, and carefully backed away from the door. He then straightened up and took his time to look outside the house through the small door. The snow-covered town was empty and silent, not a single soul in sight. It had been like this for almost twenty years.

Kihyun was only two years old when his childhood was snatched away from him in the blink of an eye. He had bounded home one day with his father in tow, his cheeks flushed and lips curled in a happy grin from playing in the snow. It was a beautiful, sunny day, and his father had taken him outside to play with some of the neighbours’ kids. Kihyun had raced his father home, his short little legs trying to carry himself as fast as he could to beat him. He collapsed on the couch, his little body only taking up a third of the entire space. While he laid on the couch, still in his puffy jacket, he had turned his head so that he could see his parents bend to look at a piece of paper that his mother held, hands shaking.

“This just came in the mail,” his mother had said, her voice shaky with worry, her face white as a sheet as her eyes fell on the words. She thrust the fateful letter towards his father. “Read it. I - I’m afraid... that… we’ll no longer be able to continue like this.

As little Kihyun had watched them with his little sharp eyes, his father had crushed the thin piece of paper  in his hand. “What are they trying to do with us?” He had demanded, his voice growing louder. “Do they want us to _die_ here?”

Little Kihyun had whimpered from his spot on the couch, curling into a ball at the loud voice. The small sound caught the attention of his father, who had whipped his head around and came over to pick Kihyun up.

“Kihyun-ah,” his father had murmured gently, patting Kihyun’s small back comfortingly. “It’s going to be alright. We’ll get you out of here... somehow.”

Kihyun had always held those words close to his heart, even now as he stood alone in front of the open door, his hands curling into fists. It wasn’t alright. It never was. His father had never gotten them out of there. Instead, his mother died two years after the new regulations were set up, from a sickness that no one knew the cure to - not that the government would care, anyway. His father had spent ten years holed up in his small office trying to figure out a way to escape. At last, he’d gone mad. As a final resort to escape this dreary life, he’d decided to try his luck and cross the line, hoping to avoid the gunshots. It never worked. Kihyun didn’t know why he ever thought it would work. Was it insanity? Was it the move of a desperate man? Teenager Kihyun woke up in the middle of the night from loud gunshots, echoing across the town and waking the others up. Then came silence. Kihyun had sat up on his bed, frozen with fear, the sound of his own heartbeat pounding loudly in his ears and a bead of cold sweat running down his back. Who had tried getting out? Had they not fully grasped the fact that the microlens in their eyes could be accessed by the government? Hadn’t they known that death would await them as soon as they stepped through the door?  

Distraught, he’d  pulled a coat on and went to see what the commotion was. He paused, glancing back at the door to his father’s room. He then turned and moved quickly to the front of the house. The door was left ajar, Kihyun’s eyes darting around frantically, noticing something at the corner of his eye. His eyes dropped to the ground in front of the door, a metre away. There, comically splayed on his back, had been his father, with his arms in crooked shapes with his eyes and mouth open in shock. He laid in a small pool of his own blood, contrasting starkly against the gray porch. Frozen, Kihyun couldn’t rip his eyes away from his father’s figure as lights in the nearby houses turned on, eyes peering out of their windows. Some had shocked faces, a hand to cover their mouth. Others, their eyes had landed on Kihyun, before moving to his father, who was lying below him. Their eyes widened and a wave of pity washed over their eyes, casting over the lonely boy. They knew that his mother had died eight years ago, her joyful laughter died away along with her,  giving way to a constant, perpetual silence. A white van had arrived as soon as his father had sent an electronic letter. Kihyun never wanted to see that same, disgusting van ever again.

Now, Kihyun didn’t dare to touch or move anything besides the brown package. He sighed into the empty rooms, him being the only occupant. He shut the door and took the package to the kitchen table, where he carefully ripped it open, the action familiar. He placed all the food meant to last him for a month into his small refrigerator that had been empty except for a few fruits left over from November. He put away the new first-aid box and other necessities into his cupboards. He picked up the new clothes left in the box and re-folded it into his closet. For how many months had he done this? His hands quivered for a moment, and he squeezed his eyes shut.

_Not again, Kihyun. Come on. It’s been years. Please._

Taking deep breaths, his eyes darted frantically around the room. He’s home, isn’t he? He’s fine. His eyes ran along his furniture, strange and wrong to his eyes. Everything sounded wrong, felt wrong, _he’s_ wrong, he can’t -

_I’M HOME!_

_But you’re not, aren’t you?_ , the voice crept in. _After all, what’s a home without a family? Without your mother, or your fa-_

“Stop,” he breathed, trembling on his knees. His elbows hit the floor, and his hands moved to cover his ears. A yell broke out into the air, echoing across the painfully empty hallways as if it was running away, as fast as it can from this place. The world was caving in on him, like it’s been for the past eight years. His breath came hard and fast, desperately scrambling for air, his throat closing. He could hear his heart in his head, pounding like the incessant beat of a drum. Why was it happening again now? He’d done so well since it happened. Images of that night flashed through his mind. The glaring streetlights, the hustle of the neighbours as they hurried over to their windows, the sound of the gunshots ringing in his ears, and the blood - _oh god, the blood_ —

Pain began to flood his senses as he realized that he had been holding his breath. He exhaled and squeezed his eyes shut, collapsing onto his back, wheezing heavily as he tried to regain his breath. As Kihyun felt his heartbeat return to normal and his breathing slowing down, his eyes opened again and the colours of his surroundings rush to greet him. He pushed himself up with one elbow and despite the nausea that nearly overwhelmed him, he fixed his eyes on a few antique picture frames that hung lopsidedly on the cracked walls.

Kihyun focused on the left of the three portraits, and with his slightly-clouded eyes, he saw his mother and his father standing next to each other. Their faces were carved in smiles, they looked so happy, the portrait felt so far away, separated by thousands of years and memories. Tears started to well up in his eyes and rolled down his cheeks, hitting the hardwood floor with tiny drops. Suddenly, sobs escaped his lips and shook his body. Once again, he’s on the floor in a fetal position, feeling as vulnerable as he had been when he was thirteen.

“Why? Why did you do it?” he demanded from the void around him. His words were broken with agony that had been suppressed for years under this suffocating roof. More and more sobs rung out into the empty air, disappearing into silence as quickly as they came. Kihyun’s eyes fluttered shut, his arms weakening as his tear-stained cheeks finally met the floor.

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

 

“Mom?” Hoseok asked, poking his head out from his closet.

“Yes?” His mother’s voice called back from the room beside his. “What is it, dear? 

“Where did you put my black t-shirt? Is it still in the wash?” Hoseok’s voice was slightly muffled as he had bent back down to rummage through his clothes.

“It’s on the couch, Seok.” His mother calls patiently. “You left it there yesterday night, as soon as you came back from taking a shower. 

“Oh right,” Hoseok muttered absentmindedly. He pushed himself back up from his position in front of his closet, allowed his gaze to wander to the window on his left. Another window rested nearly parallel across from his, revealing what seemed to resemble a bedroom. Hoseok couldn’t tell exactly who it belonged to, despite being somewhat familiar with the neighbours - a family of three, was it not? It had been, at least. Before that… happened. Hoseok shook his head, remembering the events that had occurred eight years ago. What was that boy like now? How had he grown up, all alone in that empty house? He wondered what it was like, being all alone in that large house, nothing to do but sit and stare, stewing in the oppressive silence.

As he stared at the window, thoughts swirling in his mind, he heard a faint tap that seemed to come from the kitchen window. He narrowed his eyes at the sound, brows furrowing slightly, ears concentrating on the sound. _Tap, tap, tap, tap. Tap. Taaap, tap, taaap, taaap._ He jumped up and rushed into the kitchen, the tapping growing louder and louder. _Taaap, taaap. Tap, tap. Taaap, tap. Tap, tap, tap. Taaap, tap, taaap, taaap. Tap, tap, taaap. Taaap, tap, Taaap._ Hoseok tapped lightly on his window in return. The neighbour’s tapping quickened, seemingly eager after knowing that Hoseok was on the other side. While Minhyuk continues to tap excitedly to him about his new hobby, Hoseok pondered amusedly on how they started communicating with each other.

When the government had set the regulation that prevented people from ever leaving their houses, the tension heightened when they decided to implant microlens in every citizen’s eyes. Taking it out was nearly impossible, so no one ever dared to try, taking precautions with everything that they did and saw. When Hoseok’s family had learned of this news, his parents had to think of a way so that Hoseok could at least have someone-Minhyuk-to talk to. Phones had been banned, computers sent away, TV channels cancelled until only the main news source was available. In conclusion, there was absolutely no way to talk to each other. Anything that required visual comprehension such as notes, sign language, etc. was deemed too dangerous by their parents. In the end, they were forced to resort to Morse code.

“ _Minhyuk?”_ Hoseok tapped at the thin glass window after Minhyuk finished.

“ _Yes?”_ Minhyuk replied, his tapping louder and clearer than Hoseok’s. 

“ _Do you think we’ll ever escape?”_ Hoseok asked, dragging a chair over to sit.

 _“Hoseok…”_ Minhyuk’s tapping turned hesitant. “ _You’ve mentioned this too much. I know that you still believe that we can get out of this hell hole, but please. It’s been so many years. They’ll never_ _set us free. They want all of us dead._ _”_

 _“But Min,”_ Hoseok tapped, a pout forming on his lips . “ _We can still hope.”_

Minhyuk didn’t reply for a moment and Hoseok began to panic. “ _It...doesn’t work like that, Seokie.”_ Minhyuk finally tapped, a touch of bitterness lingering behind his words.

Minhyuk had always been a particularly cheerful person, managing to hold onto his bright smile even after the government’s decisions had tried to tuck it away. He had dark hair, chubby cheeks, and eyes that crinkled up in the corners when he smiled from what Hoseok holds dearly in his memories. He had been Hoseok’s best friend ever since they were babies; they were inseparable from the beginning.

Four years old was incredibly early to have begun learning something as complex as Morse code, but their parents had insisted. After all, the chances of them ever being able to see them again were slim. Needless to say, teaching them had been a very difficult feat and to expect them to memorize it was nearly impossible. And so, out of desperation, his father made them each a book on codes before the government’s regulations hit their town. Hoseok and Minhyuk had learned slowly, Minhyuk a little quicker, but both had managed to be fluent in a matter of months. Now years have passed and Hoseok often wondered if he could see Minhyuk one more time before he disappeared from this world.

“ _But besides that,”_  Minhyuk tapped all of the sudden, drawing Hoseok away from his train of thoughts. “ _Has your mother come up with any new recipes? Did she recreate that strawberry tart yet?”_  

Hoseok smiled at that light comment, knowing that only Minhyuk could change the mood of a conversation so swiftly and subtly. “ _Nope, she gave up and left that aside. She’s working on perfecting her crème brûlées.”_

 _“Wow.”_ Minhyuk tapped. “ _That sounds even better. Your mom could open a café or something.”_

 _“...And sell her famous pastries and special coffee recipes?”_ Hoseok tapped, imagining his mother walking around a small, cozy store, serving customers coffee various types of coffee.

“ _Yeah! Wouldn’t that be so fun?”_ Minhyuk tapped.

“ _Yeah._ _That would be so fun.”_ Hoseok allowed himself to entertain such a fanciful idea for a few short moments. _“W_ _e’re stuck,_ _though,_ _aren’t we?”_ Hoseok tapped back, lips curling into a hopeless smile.

“ _Hoseokkie,_ _”_ Hoseok could imagine Minhyuk’s whine in the taps that hit the window, quick and hard. _“_ _Stop making everything so depressing. Think positively.”_

 “ _Yeah, positive. I love being stuck in a house forever. I’m having such a swell time here.”_ Hoseok tapped, chuckling to himself.

He could almost hear Minhyuk’s exasperated sigh and so he immediately tapped a response. “ _But don’t worry Minnie, I won’t do anything.”_

Minhyuk’s reply was quick. “ _I hope you won’t.”_

Suddenly, Hoseok heard a strangled shriek coming from the other room. He froze and tapped a hurried goodbye to Minhyuk as he jumped out of the chair in panic. Hoseok rushed to the other room, calling to his mother.

“I’m alright, Seok. I think... it might be the young boy who lives alone next door.” His mother murmured, dazed, but laced with motherly concern. Her finger’s line led to the neighbour’s house.

Hoseok moved to the window of the kitchen, where the sounds of someone desperately gasping for air grew louder and louder. He heard a boy sobbing, his ragged breaths reverberating across the silent town, echoing through every neighbour’s thin walls. “Why, why did you do it?” Upon hearing these soft, anguished words, he started tapping frantically, asking the boy in Morse code whether he was alright, not considering that the boy might not hear him or even understand what he was trying to say.

After a few minutes of tapping, Hoseok noticed that the boy had fallen silent. He hesitantly tapped a word and waited for his reply. Nothing. The echoing silence greeted him as he fell back onto his heels, filled with worry.

“Hoseok?” His mother asked from the doorway. “Is he alright? Did he show any sign of response?”

Hoseok shrugged. “I think he might be asleep or something. I don’t think he knew that I was tapping at him either.” His voice felt vapid, strange. He looked down at his hands, that were shaking ever so slightly. Weakly, he glanced back up at his mom.

His mother’s still-youthful face showing the slightest hints of wrinkles, something so uncommon that showed just how much she worried. “That poor boy.” She mumbled. “His parents are both gone, it’s just him in that empty house.”

Hoseok didn’t say anything, because he knew well what happened. An unsettling silence fell upon him as he stared back at the neighbouring house through the window. He felt like he was staring into a completely different universe, a world of distance between them.  


  
  
  


 

Kihyun woke up, his cheek pressed awkwardly against the cold, hard floor. He found himself in a curled position, his legs pulled up close to his torso. Groaning, he pushed himself up weakly as he tried to recover his memories. What had happened yesterday? How had he ended up on the floor? His half-closed eyes drifted to the front door of his house that looked over him almost menacingly, and in a flash, memories of the previous day rushed back to him. He stood up, his wobbly knees nearly collapsing under him.

 _Right_ , he thought as he dusted himself off with shaky hands,  _I had my first flashback_ _after_ _quite a while._  
  
Kihyun had grown unfamiliar with his once-constant flashbacks, hence why he’d collapsed onto the floor and sobbed like a newborn baby. He could vaguely remember the sound of something similar to the echoes of lonely, rain-pattered nights before having lost consciousness. Shaking his head, he dismissed that thought. That was unimportant now.      
Kihyun walked past the door, not bothering to lock it since he knew no one could enter anyways, and headed towards the kitchen. He reached up to open his cabinet and pulled out a fresh loaf of bread and two eggs, then winced as he realized how sore his body was from spending a night lying on hardwood. He let out a resigned sigh and proceeded to fry his eggs after popping a slice of bread into the toaster. It was the same routine over and over again. After a few minutes, he sat down in front of the kitchen table with a steaming platter of food in his hands, wincing once more as some of his joints cracked.  _This_   _is going to be a long day,_ _he silently thought,_ isn’t it?

As he dug into his meal, he stared absentmindedly outside of his windows, eyes watching over the sunlit snowy streets.  
  
It had been too long.  _Too long_ since Kihyun has stepped into the world outside and felt the sun directly hitting his face. It felt like decades since he last felt the ice cold snow under his fingers that left them stiff and frozen, and the soft grass beneath him as he stared up to the bright blue sky. Kihyun couldn’t remember the last time he’d ever laughed in the past eight years. Heck, he even thought he’d forgotten what made him smile.

Satisfaction was something that Kihyun could find easily, but being able to laugh was what he  _really_ wanted. He sang when he felt lonely sometimes (or all the time), opening up his vocal chords and belting out notes while he closed his eyes to immerse himself in the melodies. He cooked and cleaned when he didn’t have anything to do, he read some of his father’s long and boring books, and he walked around the empty house when he felt  _especially_ bored. There was something strangely satisfying about walking in circles, meeting the same star-shaped dent in the wall over and over again.

Kihyun took a small bite into his toast, chewing meekly as his thoughts whizzed all over the place-

 

**_“.... . .-.. .-.. --- ..--..”_ **

 

Kihyun paused mid-bite, his sharp ears perking up at the small sound. Were there supposed to be birds this early in the morning?

Another series of taps followed Kihyun’s silence at the first few. They seemed to be in a pattern, some taps longer than others.

He stood up abruptly, his fork clattering noisily against his plate.  _Those were most definitely not birds_. Kihyun looked around the room with his eyes narrowed, trying to locate the source of the sound. His eyes settled on the window closest to his room and he cautiously walked over to listen.

The tapping returned.

“Hello?” he yelled into the empty air, then reprimanding himself as he realized that nobody could have possibly heard it. Nevertheless, he waited for the tapping sounds to resurface. A few minutes seemed to go by until he heard it again. Then, something clicked slightly in the back of Kihyun’s head. The shadow of a memory, a fleeting fragment of warmth-

_Ah._

He stiffened.

When he finally loosened up, he darted from the window and up into his father’s study. He recklessly pushed open the door, not caring as it slammed against the wall with a loud bang.  _Where_ _was_ _it_? His eyes scanned the room until they finally landed on a dusty grey bookshelf in the far left corner.

Dust had been sitting in the room for about a year; it was evident that he didn’t come in here very often. Maybe he had done so before, just to read his father’s books out of boredom, but he had finished them all years ago. Kihyun took a dishcloth from the kitchen before going to his father’s old bookshelf and wiping dust off of the variety of untouched books. For every single book he wiped, he flipped through the pages, blowing on them to clear the dust. He scrunched up his face and squeezed his eyes shut as particles flew at him.

After many insufferable minutes of flipping through pages, Kihyun finally found a thick, worn down volume with the words  _A Guide to Morse Code_ written on the very front. His fingertips hovered like a ghost over the fancy letters, his heart thrumming against his chest in anticipation. With the book held tightly in his arms, he rushed out of the room and made his way to the window where he grabbed a stool and propped the book open on his lap.

Ignoring the introductions and history, Kihyun skipped to the full alphabet. His eyes eagerly scanned through the letters, his mind all jumbled up.  _What should I say? What if it’s not even morse code and it_ _’s_ _just some random tapping_ _that_ _I’ve wasted my time-_

Kihyun’s train of thoughts were broken by a new series of taps.

_Tap tap tap tap. Tap. Taap tap taap taap._

With furrowed brows, Kihyun’s index finger followed along the alphabet, working diligently until he could come up with an answer.

 _Hey._  

Kihyun’s breath quickened at the sounds. Scanning the page, he tried to form his own words. Then, he looked for a place where the neighbour could hear him tapping. His eyes fell onto the pen on the table next to him and he picked it up. With hesitant hands, he tapped his reply.

  _Hello?_

 _You understand?_ His neighbor tapped back as Kihyun ducked his head back down to decipher the code as swiftly as he could.

 _Yes. With difficulty._ Kihyun answered slowly.

 _No wonder I waited a decade before your response._ His neighbor tapped back, so quick that Kihyun barely caught them.

 _Not a decade! Few minutes at least. Not familiar with Morse Code._ A small pout formed in Kihyun’s mouth. He shifted his weight around the chair as he waited for his neighbor’s reply.

 _Uh huh._ His neighbor coded in response.  _Totally._

Kihyun’s pout deepened as he tried to tap out a quicker response.  _Never mind that. Name?_

_Hoseok. Yours?_

Kihyun tested the name out, feeling the vowels play out in his mouth, then slowly drummed his answer back.  _Kihyun._

 _Kihyun?_ Hoseok tapped, quick to reply.  _That’s a pretty name._

 _Thank you._ Kihyun felt himself flush slightly.  _Why are you talking to me? I didn’t expect that._

 _Good question. I heard you hyperventilate and_ _was_ _worried_ _about you._

At that, Kihyun stiffened. His back straightened as he tried to gather his thoughts together.  _Was he that loud?_ He asked himself, blinking rapidly.

 _Don’t worry. Stop panicking._ Hoseok tapped.  _It’s alright. You okay though?_

Kihyun gripped his pen and tapped lightly on the glass.  _Yes_ _,_ _I’m alright now. I was just…_ _,_  he paused for a second,  _thinking uselessly._

 _Oh_.  _I’m glad that you’re alrigh_ _t, though._

 _Question._ Kihyun coded faster now, getting a hang of it .  _How old?_

 _Twenty-three_ _._ Hoseok replied.  _You?_

 _I turned_ _twenty-one_ _ten days ago._ A hint of a smile graced Kihyun’s lips .  _Had a quiet birthday._ _Been quiet_ _for eight years, so I’m used to it._

 _Did you have cake?_ Hoseok tapped.  _I don’t know about you, but my mother makes the best cakes. So, did you have some?_

Kihyun felt a hint of melancholy as his lips curled into a sad smile.  _Yeah I did._ He pauses for a second, then continued.  _Your mom seem_ _ed_ _really cool._

 _Yeah._ Hoseok tapped, excitement evident in his response .  _She’s the best. She’s everything I need._

 _That must be nice,_ _isn’t_ _it? To have someone with you and not have to worry._

 _It is. I have another friend too and we talk using the Code. We were friends before this happened._ _We still are_ _really close._

 _Lucky._ Kihyun commented .  _I don’t remember my friends. I was only two back then, so I don’t remember their names or faces._ _There was one_ _person though,_ _but_ _I vaguely remember him._

 _Ah. That’s alright. Now you have me as your friend._ Hoseok tapped.  _I’ll be here for you!_

 _Really?_ Kihyun’s smile widened. He liked Hoseok’s personality already.

 _Yes, really._ His neighbor tapped back in confirmation.

Silence overtook them as they both fell into a peaceful state of content, both satisfied that they’d made a new friend. Kihyun felt a bit of warmth in his heart at the thought of Hoseok taking the courage to communicate with him.  _Had it really been eight years since he’s last spoken to someone?_ Hoseok’s presence was like a gust of spring breeze after a long and cold winter.

And just like that, Kihyun didn’t feel so lonely anymore.

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

 

Tearing himself away from his kitchen window, Hoseok moved the chair aside and climbed upstairs to wake his mother up. He pushed the door open slightly, wincing at the creak it made, and stepped inside.

His mother’s room was a lot neater than his. A dark mahogany closet stood at the corner of her room and a work table sat across from it. Her bed in which she laid and slept peacefully, was placed in the center of the small room with a nightstand beside her.

Hoseok took one glance at his mother’s peaceful face and felt a tinge of affection and fuzziness in his heart. He would wake her up later and tell her everything he had talked about with the boy next door— _Kihyun_.  

Hoseok was unsure of what to think of Kihyun. Talking to him had seemed like a flash— _how long did it take, really?_  It couldn’t have been long. But Kihyun had felt familiar to him. He’d learned that the boy could not understand Morse Code, judging from the slow and awkward taps. He was certainly relying on a guide of some sort. He was als0 a few years younger than Hoseok, yet he seemed to be wise beyond his years. It was clear that he could take care of himself, after having been alone for so long in that empty house, with nobody to rely on but himself.

He seemed closed off, tense and evasive when Hoseok pushed even in the slightest. Perhaps it was best to respect his privacy, but there was still something about Kihyun that he simply wanted to  _understand_. But he knew that it would take a while.

As Hoseok mulled over his conversation with Kihyun, he fiddled with his copy of the Morse Code book Minhyuk’s father had made for him. The worn covers and crinkled pages plunged him into a sea of nostalgia that flooded his senses. The ink printed on the yellowing pages was slightly faded, the codes now a shadowy gray.

The sight of the book brought him back to the time where he had first met Minhyuk on a beautiful sunny day.

 _Little Hoseok was immersed in the latest television program,_ _his eyes glued to the screen._ _It was something about a bunny and a puppy_ _adventuring_ _together and solving mysteries when his mother had scooped him up from his position on the couch and carried him to the front door._

 _“Mommy! Where are you taking me?” Hoseok had asked, his soft brown eyes wide with curiosity_ _and slightly alarmed from the sudden interruption_ _. His head turned slightly towards the TV and pouted. “I wasth in the middle of bunny finding the treasure!”_

_His mother had laughed gently at him, pulling him closer to hug his little body. “Now, Seokie, we’re going to meet our neighbors!”_

_“Neighborsth?” Hoseok_ _had_ _asked, his lisp apparent._

 _His mother_ _had_ _nodded encouragingly, her smile widening at her son’s adorable look of confusion. “Yes_ _,_ _neighbors. There’s a little boy around your age who you can play with! Wouldn’t that be fun?”_

 _At the word “play”, Hoseok_ _had_ _brightened immediately, his pout slipping off his face to be replaced with a grin. “New friendsth! Hoseokkie lovesth new friendsth!” With that, he_ _had_ _quickly grabbed his little puffy coat hanging on a short hook and_ _had_ _slipped it over his small torso. “Let’sth go_ _,_ _mommy!”_

 _His mother_ _had_ _laughed, a clear, ringing sound as she slipped her own coat on. “Alright_ _,_ _baby, put your shoes on.”_

 _Hoseok_ _had_ _shoved his feet in his little sneakers_ _hurriedly_ _,_ _running_ _out the door as soon as his mother had opened it._

 _“Slow down, Seokkie!” His mother_ _had_ _called behind him, trying to tie her own shoelaces._

 _As Hoseok bounded_ _excitedly_ _down the doorsteps, his eyes_ _had_   _searched the streets for the boy in question. What did he look like? Did he like to play too? Would he want to be his friend?_

 _“I got you!” his mother_ _had_ _laughed_ _breathlessly_ _, appearing behind Hoseok to scoop him up._

 _“Nooo! I want to go play!” Hoseok_ _had_ _protested against his mother’s relentless arms._

 _His mother_ _had_ _chuckled, zipping up Hoseok’s puffy jacket._ _She had_ _held her hand out, and smiled brightly at him. “Now_ _,_ _we can go.”_

 _His lips_ _had_ _formed a tiny pout, but nevertheless he_ _had_ _persisted. Continuing to struggle, he_ _had_ _squirmed and stretched until-_

_“Need some help there?”_

_Both Hoseok and his mother_ _had_ _looked up in surprise to see an older man towering over them. His mother’s face_ _had_ _lit up immediately._

 _“Oh_ _!_ _I was just about to take Hoseok here to meet your son!” She_ _had_ _looked down sheepishly. “But help would be appreciated too,” she_ _had_ _chuckled lightly, smiling fondly at her son._

 _The older man_ _had_ _turned and looked behind him. “They should be coming any minute…, actually, do you want to bring him to our place? They can play in the yard and—”_

 _  
_ _A loud shriek_ _had cut through_ _the air, ripping them away from their jumbled thoughts._

 _Hoseok’s mother, Yejin’s, eyebrows_ _had_ _furrowed, “What on earth_ _—?_ _”_

 _B_ _efore_ _Hoseok_ _could even open his mouth in response to this sudden and quite shocking disruption, a seemingly uncontrollable force_ _had_ _racked the earth with pure arrogance and an exasperated sense of indignation. Everybody standing looked aghast. Birds fell out of their trees, flowers withered into nothing, and it seemed that at that moment all life was sucked from the Earth. Or maybe that was just a figment of Hoseok’s premature and very vivid imagination. It was, in fact, not nearly as dramatic as his 4-year-old_ _brain_ _had fathomed. A young boy, about the same age as him_ _had come_ _tumbling down the sidewalk towards him_ _as_ _a woman who seemed to be his mother_ _was trailing_ _behind him in a cloud of distress._

 _Yejin_ _had_ _barely dodged the rampant force as it zoomed past her and looked_ _down at Hoseok with_ _wide-eyes._

 _“Hi! I’m Minhyuk! But mommy calls me Minmoong so you can call me that too!” he_ _had_ _beamed and let out a toothy little grin. Suddenly, like magic, that grin_ _had_ _eased away Hoseok’s fears and_ _had_ _replaced it with a bubbling feeling of excitement._  
_  
__“I think you can put him down now,” Minhyuk’s father_ _had_ _said, holding back his laughter. Despite the hesitation that lingered in_ _his wife’s_ fingertips, she bent over and loosened her grip on her uncontrollable creature of a son.

 _Hopping away, Hoseok_ _had_ _run to Minhyuk and dashed off into the general direction of_ _the latter’s_ _house_ _with_ _his mother once again on_ _tow._

 _Yejin and Minhyuk’s father_ _had_ _looked at each other, sharing a moment of amusement before they both_ _had_ _burst out laughing, looking over to where the three had went._

 _“Yejin-ah…, do you think they’ll stay like that forever?”_  
  
“Maybe.”

 

_\------------_

 

 _“Hoseokkie! Can I call you_ bunny  _?” Minhyuk_ _had_ _asked, his brown eyes glittering with_ _childlike innocence_ _._

 _“Bunny?” Hoseok_ _had_ _replied curiously, his eyes wide. “Why bunny?”_

 _Minhyuk_ _had_ _grinned at him, seemingly pleased that Hoseok had asked that question. “You look like a bunny! A soft bunny. You have weird ears and big eyes!”_

 _Hoseok_ _had_ _pouted, his lower lip trembling. “I’m not a bunny!” he_ _had cried out_ _, tears welling up in his eyes._

 _Minhyuk, although wild and careless,_ _had_ _rushed over to engulf Hoseok in a hug as big as it could get._

 _“Don’t cry, Seokkie! I don’t have to call you bunny if you don’t like it! If you cry I will cry too,” Minhyuk_ _had_ _said worriedly, squeezing Hoseok tightly._

 _Hoseok, not wanting Minhyuk to start crying and never end,_ _had_ _wiped away his tears immediately. He_ _had_ _smiled a wobbly smile at Minhyuk and squeezed him back. “I won’t cry, Minmoongie!”_

 _“Yay!” Minhyuk_ _had_ _said, laughing happily._

 _Hoseok_ _had_ _joined his laughter, his grin wide and chest light._

_Suddenly, the once joyful and laughter-filled air was broken with an uncomfortable silence. Nobody seemed to notice that the birds had stopped singing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [@nana](https://twitter.com/ateexzm)   
>  [@dan](https://twitter.com/_flowerchae_)


	3. Diolchgar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He froze, ice creeping up to grip his heart as he realized what he had just said. He really was a heartless person, he mutely thought as he began to regret his words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy~
> 
> [@nana](https://twitter.com/ateexzm)   
>  [@dan](https://twitter.com/_flowerchae_)

December 3rd, 2061

 

_“Kihyun.”_

_“Kihyun-ah. Kihyun.”_

_“Ki_ _-_ _”_ _a_ _soft, feminine voice_ _had alerted him to his senses_ _, hands gently shaking his shoulders. “Wake up, dear.”_

 _Little Kihyun_ _had_ _stifled a yawn, making small grabby hands towards his mother_ _as he was guided away from his bed_ _._ _She_ _embraced him,_ _bringing_ _his head_ _down to lay_ _on her shoulder_ _as she relished the warmth of the hold._

_“Mommy?” Kihyun_ _had_ _asked timidly. “Where are we going?”_

 _“To go visit Hyungwonnie!”_ _his mother replied, her soft voice ringing out. “_ _His mother invited us over for tea and it would be rude not to go. Come on, I’ll get you ready.”_

 _Kihyun’s ears_ _had_ _perked up slightly at the mention of his dear friend, despite the drowsiness that threatened to throw his thoughts into a haze._

 _“Wonnie?” he_ _had_ _asked, the_ _sluggishness_ _already_ _beginning to dissipate. His eyes_ _had grown_ _bright with excitement despite the sleep around them, and_ _he had instantly_ _complied as his mother slipped him into his outfit for the day. A baby blue t-shirt, his favourite colour, and a pair of denim overalls to_ _piece_ _the outfit together._

 _After a few minutes in his mother’s care, Kihyun was sat down on a high chair in front of the dinner table. His mother_ _had come_ _around the kitchen with a piece of toast. She_ _had_ _sat down in front of him and watched as he took a small bite out of the crispy toast._

 _“You always eat so slowly Kihyun-ah, come on.” There_ _had been_ _a tiny smile on her face, a pleasant contrast to the heavy bags under her eyes. Kihyun_ _had_ _stopped chewing and looked down at his plate. His mother had been getting more and more tired lately, and even he, a mere two year old, had noticed._

 _His mother_ _had_ _seemed to realize_ _that he had_ _stop_ _ped_ _eating, and her smile flipped into a frown. “Come on, Kihyunnie. Eat, please?”_ _his mother_ _had_ _pleaded, hands clasped in front of her._

 _At his mother’s look, Kihyun immediately continued chewing, shoving a huge piece of_ _the_ _toast in his mouth._ _It might had been too much for him, but it was fine. If his mother was happy, he was happy. That was all that mattered._

 _His mother_ _had_ _chuckled slightly at the incredulous sight and Kihyun_ _had_ _cooed happily at seeing_ _her_ _like that._

 _“Well, Kihyu…,” he_ _had_ _leaned in to listen to what his mother had to say, but her words grew fainter and fainter_ _—_ _fading as if they were slowly being erased. He_ _had shaken_ _his head frantically, his stubby little fingers reaching out desperately for that last fragment of hope —_

Kihyun opened his eyes, gasping for air as beads of sweat rolled down his forehead — with even more matted in his hair. After a few heavy gulps, he closed his eyes and stayed still.

_Mom…, I wish that you were still here with me. I wouldn’t be so lonely._

He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to push the tears back from falling, a sigh escaping his lips. Kihyun brushed a tired hand through his slightly damp hair, letting it fall on his forehead as he laid twisted in his bedsheets. He was so, _so_ tired. Kihyun rubbed his head, wishing away the pounding headache that begun as he groaned with exhaustion. It had already been the second time that he’d had a flashback. His heart ached with pain, his hands clenched and figure tensed.

_This, too, will pass. In the end it will be fine._

Would it, though? It would be a miracle. A miracle that had his parents suddenly back by his side, his best friend laughing with him, and his freedom back in his hands. A miracle where maybe Kihyun could do the things that he‘d always longed to do. Be the singer that he wanted to be when he was younger. Make new friends, maybe go on dates. Hell, he even wanted to go to _school_. As much as it miffed him to actually want to go to school, he still wanted to smell the dusty hallways and hear the echoes of each empty classroom. He wanted to hear his professor’s loud, possibly annoying voice, droning on and on, as he would take notes.

It was nice to take the liberty of imagining for a while, resting on his soft couch and sinking into its warmth as he daydreamed. Kihyun would reach his arms above and behind his head, shuffling until he would find a comfortable position, then look up at the low, pale ceiling. He’d often play one of the old CDs that he had found in his mother’s room, listening to the soft voice of Julia Michaels as it resonated throughout the empty room. At times he would hum along, feeling the tightness in his stomach as flashes of memories and nostalgia consumed him.

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

 

Hyungwon hadn’t woken up to laughter in a long time. Ever since the government had been the cause of a new, unwelcomed society that left his town vacant **,** he’d scarcely hear anyone laugh or even see them smile. He couldn’t really see his neighbors either, since they weren’t allowed to step outside, but even his parents held stony expressions every single day. They had completely changed as soon as _it_ had happened. They ignored Hyungwon most of the time, only talking to him when they would ask what he wanted for dinner.

_As if it really mattered to his parents what he wanted._

Hyungwon couldn’t complain though. There was a tiny yet aggravating voice that would constantly remind him: _at least he had parents_. One of his closest friends from before, whom he’d loved and hated, had both parents die in front of his eyes. Hyungwon couldn’t dare to imagine how much it must have shattered and broke Kihyun. Seeing him stare at his father’s dead body with terrified eyes as he had stood trembling outside… Hyungwon almost couldn’t take it. He had wanted to yell out to Kihyun and tell him that it would be alright, but silence was all he could muster at that moment. In the end he, like everybody else, had simply stood there frozen as the weight of the world fell onto his friend’s shoulders.

If guilt could swallow someone whole, he didn’t know if he’d still be where he was right now, sitting up against the white headboard of his creaky twin bed.

His thoughts faded away as another bright sound emerged from the living room. Laughter, once again. Hyungwon could not quite grasp it. _Was he still dreaming?_ No, it couldn’t be.

He threw the covers off of his body and briefly paused to glance down at his fuzzy pajamas. They were snug and cozy, and Hyungwon often thought to himself that the lack of need to change out of them was probably the only gratifying aspect of his life. Shoving his feet into a pair of clean white slippers, he sighed in exhaustion. It was a new day — _again_. What would there even be to do?

He stared out his window at the snow-covered roof of Kihyun’s house and felt a twinge of pain rise in his heart. Hyungwon hasn’t stepped outside since snow began to fall, he couldn’t even begin to imagine how bitter the cold would be. But how frigid had that empty house been for eight years? How had Kihyun spent these years all alone? Was he even still _sane_ ? Hyungwon shook his head. He had to stop thinking about something so …   _pointless_. After all, what could he do? It’s not like he could ever see him again or ask him how he was doing or —

“Stop.”

Hyungwon was surprised by his own voice. He was never the type to talk to himself, yet it was strange to hear the stability in that single word. Shaking his thoughts away, he walked to the doorway and stepped out into the kitchen. There, leaning on the counter was his mother, laughing next to his father. Hyungwon stared blankly at them, his mother looking almost _guilty_ at having been caught laughing _,_ as waves of disappointment and shock coursed through him.

“Why were you laughing?” Hyungwon asked in a voice that sounded cold and distant, unlike his normal self. He shifted his weight onto one foot and crossed his arms, his gaze burning holes at his parents. “What’s suddenly _so funny_ that you decided to laugh? After ten years?”

“Nothing much,” his mother replied lowly, her gaze concerned. “Your father created a disastrous Jell-O and it fell on the floor.”

Time seemed to freeze for a moment, and suddenly he couldn’t hear anything. Waves seemed to roar against his eardrums, a disorienting and numbing haze, as he stumbled slightly with a hand out to steady himself. A small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes formed on his face.

“Ah,” Hyungwon muttered in a weak voice, shakily turning around towards the hallway. He couldn’t quite feel his feet as he staggered back into his room. His mind was spinning, questions and accusations throwing themselves across every corner as he clenched his head with shaking hands.

Hyungwon was overreacting. He had to be. There was no need for him to react so overly against something as trivial as that. But Hyungwon was so taken aback by his parents laughing he had to freeze and slip away.

Hyungwon shut the door behind him with a soft click and gingerly sat on the side of his unmade bed. Almost in a trance, his eyes wandered across the lone bookshelf by the corner of his room and stilled at an empty quadrant covered in dust. _How stupid_ , he thought, _why didn’t I stay and laugh with them — ?_ He squeezed his eyes shut, holding his breath. Why was everything so … _empty_ ? His life, his house, his parents, him, even that goddamn bookshelf — why? He fell onto his side, bouncing slightly as his head hit the mattress. There was nothing he could do. Nothing. _Absolutely nothing_ —

Hyungwon winced as his leg smacked the drawer to the left of the bed, his shin now throbbing with pain. _You’re so stupid and careless. No wonder your parents_ _had stopped_ _laughing the moment they_ _saw_ _you._ Hyungwon’s entire body tensed, curling into a ball. _You’re worthless in their hearts, and now you’re mad at them for laughing without you? Ridiculous._ His hands curled into fists, trembling slightly as his heart skipped a beat. _You have no right to do that, Hyungwon._

A tear slipped from the corner of his eye, rolling down the side of his cheek and falling onto the mattress in a tiny drop. Hyungwon sniffed pathetically, his insecurities overwhelming him and weighing him down like a hefty steel anchor. Why was he crying? At his own uselessness?

_If you knew that you were useless, you would’ve changed a long time ago. Why are you still here, curled up into such a deplorable position?_

“Hyungwon?” his mother’s soft voice called out to him, splintering into the walls of his convictions. She had slipped into his room without him noticing, having taken a few silent steps towards where he laid. Hyungwon turned his head so that he wouldn’t have to meet her eyes, and instead fixed his gaze at the beige wall that loomed above him.

“Hyungwon,” his mother said again, almost in a pleading manner.

The tall boy wouldn’t budge, his eyes still locked on that one dent on the otherwise perfect wall. He wondered if he should find a way to fill the gap. Clay, perhaps? But where would he get —

“ _Chae Hyungwon_ ,” said his mother with an edge to her voice that dared him to disobey. “Get up and look at me.”

Hyungwon pushed himself up to stare at her, his eyes hard and his mouth a firm line. “ _Now_ you sound like yourself. I was beginning to wonder when you’d become normal again.”

His mother softened at his words, the sternness disappearing as the planes of her face smoothened. “Hyungwonnie…,” she trailed off, clasping her thin hands together. “Hyungwon, I understand that you don’t like what just happened.”

“ _Don’t like?!”_ Hyungwon exclaimed, straightening up. He ’d had enough. “What do you mean by _don’t like_? I hate it!“ He knew that he was acting like a n immature three year old throwing a tantrum, but at this point he could care less. Exhaustion and years of pent up anger suddenly let loose, throwing his thoughts into a blur. “How would you feel if your parents talked to you as if you were worthless for ten years of your life? How would you feel to suddenly hear such a joyous sound from them?” He turned away for a moment, and then turned back around with even more resentment in his eyes. “Cold and distant parents turning into sweet and loving ones — does that make _sense_ to you?” Hyungwon glared at his mother who seemed to shrink a little under his fiery gaze. Nevertheless, she regained her composure, straightening her back as her eyes bored into his.

“I’m sorry, Hyungwon,” she tried again. “Believe me, I _know_ how much pain you were in during all these years but it hurt us too. Both your father and I — we didn’t know what to do with ourselves, how we would live on —”

“Maybe you could have considered the fact that you had a child! _Maybe_ you could have considered the fact that a mere eight-year-old would be even more confused, more helpless, and more vulnerable! Did you really expect a child to simply be able to take care of himself like that? ” Hyungwon spat out, eyes narrowed into slits. “You’ve _totally_ felt my pain, huh? Do you know how much self hatred I went through, thinking that I was actually not worthy of you and Father’s time? I used to think that maybe you guys would eventually stop ignoring me and stop treating me like I was a waste of space. But did you guys ever stop? _No_.”

He froze, ice creeping up to grip his heart as he realized what he had just said. He really was a heartless person, he mutely thought as he began to regret his words.

His mother opened her mouth once more to protest, but Hyungwon cut her off before a single word could escape. He wasn’t going to argue. He was going to accept it himself. “Now I understand why you and Father would ignore me. I was a brat, a stupid and ungrateful brat. I was fucked in the head and I probably didn’t even deserve to live. I suppose that I shouldn’t dump all the blame onto your and Father’s heads, but I can’t help it. I should have kept my anger in, I’m sorry. I should just shut up now because what I say is insignificant anyways. I’m sor — ”

“ _Chae Hyungwon!”_ It was his mother’s last straw. She took one step forward, eyes bright with distress. “Don’t you _ever_ talk about yourself like that again, you hear me?” Her voice became louder, growing more and more high-pitched — it was almost as if she actually cared for Hyungwon’s well-being.

“How? How did you and Father change so drastically? Why do you suddenly care? Why now?” Hyungwon’s eyes narrowed indignantly as he scrunched his nose.

His mother looked exasperated, sighing heavily as she swept her eyes around his room. “You know what, Hyungwon, I can’t talk to you right now. I’m- I’m going to my room.” She stepped back once and then turned around, disappearing into the hallway. The door was left wide open.

Hyungwon collapsed on his knees, gasping slightly as he hung his head low.

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

 

Kihyun trudged down the stairs of his empty house, his head bent down towards the ground. He stared at the thin cracks on the pale marble and ran a hand across the indents, feeling the rough texture compared to the silky feel of the smooth marble. He tried to push a fingernail between one of the cracks to see how wide it actually was.

 _Not bad._ He thought to himself. He stood up and brushed the dust of his hands, wiping away the remnants of the small chips. Kihyun could maybe live with chipped marble staircases. He descended the rest of the stairs and headed straight to his kitchen. Walking past the chairs and tables, his eyes focused on the window closest to his favourite stool. It was the window that the boy, his neighbor Hoseok, had communicated with him through.

Kihyun wasn’t sure if he wanted to believe that Hoseok wasn’t lying to him about actually wanting to become his friend. Of course, Hoseok was quite nice and Kihyun couldn’t think why he would do that, but it was still better to assume the worst as a form of self-defense. What if Hoseok was the type of person who would betray Kihyun?

 _Shut up, stupid._ The voice in Kihyun’s head had said to him, menacingly. _Who’d want to be like you? You would probably be the person who ends up betraying Hoseok._ Kihyun squeezed his eyes shut, reaching out blindly to grasp on the back of his chair. He shook his head vigorously, breathing heavily as he tried to shake the thoughts away.

 _Should I tap to Hoseok first? Or should I wait until he taps to me? I don’t want to seem that desperate._ Kihyun groaned in exhaustion and fell onto his chair. Sighing with comfort, he sunk into the warmth of his chair and relaxed against it. Closing his eyes, he heaved in a sigh. Maybe if he waited for a few more days, he’d have the courage to talk to Hoseok. But how long could he push it back for? He couldn’t avoid it forever. But maybe he could for now- no, he had to take responsibility. He couldn’t just leave Hoseok hanging, but he couldn’t talk to him either. Kihyun berated himself silently at his indecisiveness.

 _Come on_ , he thought, _you can do this. It’s not like you have anything better to do anyway._ Kihyun shuddered at the truth in that last statement. He stood up and walked to the window, taking a deep breath as he sat down in front of it. _You can do this_ , he repeated. He raised his hand but froze immediately as a crushing feeling of anxiety overwhelmed him.

_Don’t do it._

His hand began to tremble, collapsing on top of the windowsill. _You don’t want him to disappear as well, do you? Everyone who have loved you- your mother and father, Hyungwon… they’re all gone aren’t they?_ Kihyun pulled his arm away from the windowsill, falling onto his lap. _That’s right, Kihyun. He’ll disappear if you talk to him and you’ll end up alone like you’ve always been. It’s what you deserve, isn’t it?_

Kihyun’s eyes were wide open, his breathing laboured.

 _It really is_.  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
 

The bright morning rays tickled Kihyun’s eyelids as he slipped away from the clutches of sleep, greeting the day as it came. He rolled away from the window, dragging the blanket with him as a small groan escaped his lips.

Today was a new day.

Kihyun’s eyes finally fluttered open to meet the blank wall seemingly illuminated by the sunlight.

 _The paint’s peeling again_ , he thought. How many times would he have to pester the government to send him more paint supplies?

He let out a deep breath, then froze as a blur of memories flew by him. His eyes widened and he pushed himself up from the bed, shaking away the lingering remnants of sleep.

 _Hoseok_ , he thought to himself, running that name over and over in his head.

_Hoseok, Hoseok, Hoseok, Hoseok…_

Kihyun furrowed his brows, a pensive pout protruding from his face. There was a restless, little voice nudging at him from the corner of his mind, making his stomach turn slightly. Something was off. He thought about Hoseok — Hoseok, who liked protein shakes and working out. Hoseok, who was often too excited for Kihyun to follow. Hoseok, who was  _soft_ and  _caring_ —

The voice came to an abrupt halt. Kihyun’s head was all jumbled up — how long has it been since he’d last interacted with another human being? He took a deep breath and tried to ground himself.

 _Think this through, Kihyun._ He let it out.  _How do you feel about this? About him?_

He shut his eyes yet again. Hoseok, along with everything else that came with him, had been too good to be true. What had Kihyun done to deserve this? Was he dreaming? It would be too cruel if he were. Would this dream slip away from him — would Hoseok suddenly disappear like smoke, evanescing at Kihyun’s very fingertips?

He basked in the warmth of his thoughts, smiling to himself.

 _If this were a dream, I wouldn’t_ dare  _to open my eyes._

Clutching his blankets, Kihyun slid down the bed and rolled back towards the window, breathing in the fresh, floral smell of his sheets. A light haze fell upon him, dragging him back into its dark abyss of sleep.

-.- .. .... -.-- ..- -.

His eyes snapped open, his breathing quickening. Wide-eyed, he looked down at his own hands.  _This is real, isn’t it? This is real._ He  _is real._ Letting out a shaky breath, he pushed himself back up and swung a leg over the edge of the bed.

 _This is real_ , he repeated in his mind.

He stood up, stretching his body as he looked up at the ceiling.  _Here we go, Kihyun._

Scuffling slightly, he made his way to the kitchen window as he pulled out his favourite stool and set it in front of the window, plopping the code book on top of his lap while he sat.

 _Good morning_ , he tapped, taking a little pause every once in a while to look over the codes.

After a slightly awkward pause, he received a reply.

_How are you, Kihyun?_

His taps were slow and measured, taking Kihyun’s inability to understand quickly into consideration. A shadow of a smile grew on Kihyun’s face as he comprehended with ease, thankful for Hoseok’s thoughtfulness.

_I’m good. You?_

_Me too._

A comfortable silence rested between them.

 _What did you eat today?_ Kihyun’s eyes widened slightly at the sudden question.

_I haven’t eaten yet._

There was a small pause before Hoseok replied again:  _What? Why? Stop talking to me_ _and_ _go eat._

Kihyun chuckled slightly,  _I don't want to._ He could practically hear Hoseok sigh with exasperation on the other side. Feeling somewhat playful, he tapped a little reply.  _How about you? What did you eat?_

_I had two pieces of toast. And a protein shake. My mom also made some strawberry jam for the toast._

_A protein shake again?_ Kihyun shook his head as he tapped out his reply.

_Yeah. It didn’t go well with the jam though._

_The jam sounds nice. How did she make it?_

_I don’t know, I didn’t watch her make it. It smelled really nice though!  Does your mom_ _make food for you too?_

Silence.

_No._

The comfortable silence Kihyun had grown accustomed to with Hoseok suddenly became tense.

_I don’t have a mom._

Even more silence followed as time dragged on.

_I’m sorry, Kihyun… I…_

_No, it’s fine,_ Kihyun interrupted him.  _It really is._

_Do you want to talk about it?_

Within him, a myriad of emotions began to bloom as the realization hit him — that being able to  _talk_ to someone about how he felt was something so alien to him. It had never really sunk in how lonely Kihyun felt from the core.

 _I…_ Kihyun’s taps faltered for a moment, unsure of what to say.  _I don’t think I know how to._

Hoseok didn’t reply, and for a split second, Kihyun’s stomach sunk as a sense of dread filled him to the brim.  _He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone —_

_That’s alright, Kihyun. Is it okay for me to ask you a question, though?_

Kihyun released a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. He looked down at the codebook open in his lap, scanning the translations almost frantically.

_Sure._

_What was she like?_

Kihyun leaned back into his chair, contemplating his answer. He hadn’t seen his mother since he turned five, there was a slim chance he had any solid memories left of her. Hesitantly, he tapped an answer to Hoseok.

_To be honest, I don’t remember. She passed away when I was five. But I can still remember vague details._

_Like?_

_The lavender scent of her dress on my fifth birthday, her bright, singsong voice when she laughed and told me I looked handsome…_

Another comfortable silence ensued.

_Do you ever miss her?_

Kihyun knit his brows together. This was a question he’d never thought about. Did he miss her? He thought back to the time he spent with her — how well had he really known her? He’d always wondered what a mother’s embrace felt like, but had he ever  _missed_ her?

 _Well,_ Kihyun tapped, furrowing his brows in thought.  _I guess I do. But it’s complicated. I don’t know if I really miss her, since I really only remember fragments of her. Sometimes I’d have flashbacks of her and it makes me upset that she’s not with me, but I…_ Kihyun trailed off, unsure of what else to add.

 _Huh._ Hoseok replied promptly.  _I think I understand you. It’s alright if you don’t miss her a lot though._ _You have a right to your own emotions_ _, people_ _grieve_ _in_ _different_ _ways._

Kihyun sighed to himself, the sound cutting into the silence that rang across the room.  _Yeah. I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel. I guess I do sort of miss her? But I’m used to being alone, so it honestly doesn’t matter to me anymore._

 _What about your father?_ Hoseok tapped, after a slight delay.

 _My father?_ Kihyun tapped back, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

Something about the mention of his father sickened him. It was like a punch to the stomach, a thousand butterflies taking flight. It was everything and nothing all at once. It was something he tried to keep his mind away from as much as possible, even now as Hoseok was questioning him on it.

Hoseok had discernibly noticed his hesitation and tapped a reply before Kihyun could tell him.  _It’s okay_ _,_ _Kihyun. You don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable with sharing._

 _No, it’s fine._ Kihyun responded immediately. Hoseok was different, he understood Kihyun and was kind to him. The least that Kihyun could do was answer him.  _He’s… gone too. He was an intelligent man who wanted to think of, I guess, innovative ways to escape from here._

 _Ah._ Hoseok ’s taps were slow—cautious .  _I see._

 _Yeah. Before he died, my father was on the verge of insanity. It’s hard to say since he never left his office, but I’m pretty sure that was the cause of his death._ _The drowning feeling of hopelessness that swallowed him whole when it finally dawned on to him that he could never figure out how to leave this hellhole._   _I think…_ _that day, he was pushed to his breaking point where he just gave up and left the house without another thought._

There it was again, the lifeless and almost oppressive silence settling between them. Kihyun made the first move to break it.

 _Hoseok…_ he coded, uncertainty trailing beneath his fingertips.

_Yes?_

_I’ve always wondered — what do you look like?_ Kihyun retracted his hand immediately, feeling shy at asking that. He could almost hear Hoseok chuckle on the other side — not that he actually knew what he sounded like.

_Oh?_

Kihyun’s heartbeat quickened at the wry responses, a sudden pounding at his ears.  _Oh god, what if he thinks I’m strange —_

_Sure. Well, uh, where do I begin. I have… brownish hair? Hold on, let me get a mirror._

Kihyun felt relief flood into him as he reprimanded himself.  _Stop being so anxious all the time, Kihyun. It’s embarrassing._

_I’m back._

Kihyun straightened up, then slunk back down after he realized that Hoseok couldn’t even see him.

_I… I have black hair. It kind of looks like a mushroom. It’s… kind of poofy?_

Kihyun laughed out loud, perhaps for the first time in years at that. He couldn’t help but imagine Hoseok with a mushroom as his hair.

_Well uh, my ears sort of stick out? My mom says that I look like a bunny._ _My eyes are a little bit puffy too. And… my cheeks are kind of chubby. Not like the fat kind of chubby, just so much baby fat. I’m pretty muscular since I work out a lot. I”m also around, like, 178 cm?_

Kihyun didn’t notice himself leaning in attentively at the sound of Hoseok’s tapping, too busy painting an image of Hoseok in his mind.

_How about you?_

His painting process came to a halt as Kihyun felt a blush creep up into his cheeks.

_Me?_

_Yes, you._

Kihyun thought for a moment, then looked at his reflection through the window.

 _Well, I’m probably a bit smaller than you describe yourself,_ he tapped, eyebrows knitting together as he tried to focus on both visualising himself and translating the letters.

 _I’m… around 175 ish cm, brown hair that kind of curls at the ends, and…_ He smiled at the window, trying out different facial expressions as he watched how his face morphed and contorted.

_My eyes kind of crinkle and I also have dimples_ _on the top of my cheekbones_ _when I smile._ _My smile’s pretty wide I guess, and I have angular cheekbones. My skin is also pretty pale and I guess that I look more feminine?_ _Yeah, that’s about it._

_That’s nice,_ _I can sort of see that picture. But — I have to leave now since my mom’s calling me. I’ll talk to you tomorrow!_

_Bye,_ Kihyun tapped out slowly, knowing that Hoseok wouldn’t be able to hear him. Leaning back, he smiled to himself, a wave of satisfaction washing over him.

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

 

Hoseok collapsed onto the couch, thinking about what Kihyun had told him. He was an orphan — he’d been one for a long time, Hoseok presumed. He closed his eyes, trying to visualize the image of Kihyun that he had tapped for him.

In his mind, Kihyun had soft, brown hair and eyes that turned into slits and crinkled in the corners when he smiled. Dimples would appear on the top of his cheekbones and the corners of his mouth would’ve been lifted to its fullest.  _He’d have a nice smile_ , Hoseok mused to himself, resting his head back against the couch.

 _Ow._ Hoseok winced as his leg came in contact to a long, cylindrical piece of metal. Pushing himself up once more to see what the mysterious object was, he turned to look. It was a pen. With a grumble, Hoseok plopped back onto the couch, ignoring the pen. He continued to draw the picture of Kihyun in his head — of him with longer hair that reached the back of his neck, then to him with his hair as an undercut. Hoseok thought that the picture of Kihyun that he conjured in his mind was quite handsome. But of course, Hoseok wasn’t sure if he  _really_ looked like that. They’d never met before so he couldn’t really make an assumption.

 _I hope that Kihyun smiles often._ Hoseok thought to himself as he propped his feet up on the chair besides the couch.  _No matter what happens, I hope that Kihyun will still smile._

Despite how much Hoseok wished for something that could happen, he knew that making Kihyun smile would be one of the hardest things to do. He understood that Kihyun had had a rough life; with his mother leaving him at the age of five, then his father in his teen years. How had he managed to survive all the way to this point of his life?

Rolling onto the side, Hoseok reached down to pull out his notebook that he had thrown under the couch earlier. Flipping to the page where he had first written notes of Kihyun, he grabbed the isolated pen from before and quickly scrawled a few more notes.

  1. _Kihyun had a_ _painful childhood_ _._
  2. _Kihyun is an orphan._



He lifted the pen from the paper and up to his chin, tapping leisurely. He thought back to his visualising process and reanalyzed Kihyun’s face.

  1. _Kihyun looks like a hamster.  A cute one. (I suppose.)_



Hoseok chuckled slightly at the thought of Kihyun as a hamster. Then, he continued to take his notes.

  1. _He likes to sing._
  2. _He loves to cook, as well._
  3. _A little insecure, but kind._



There was a little bit of hesitation in his grip as he wrote the last point.

  1. _Anxious? Afraid of abandonment._



Scanning through his notes, Hoseok smiled lightly. Chewing on the inside of his left cheek, he pondered on the idea of being friends with Kihyun. He was kind and funny to talk to, quiet when there was really nothing else to add, and loud when it came to things that he was passionate about. He could almost envision Kihyun’s eyes brighten as soon as they came to the topic of music and cooking — which Hoseok himself enjoyed as well.

He stared at his notes absentmindedly, then set them down on the couch as he stared out at the sky. It was about noon, the sun high in the sky. Hoseok felt a small, unfamiliar growling in his stomach and frowned to himself. He always had his mother to cook for him, so that he’d never be hungry. Did Kihyun only eat when felt the need to? Nobody took care of him, so he probably had to learn how to cook by himself right?

He made his way to the fridge, opening it up and taking a leftover bowl of ramen out of it and placing it into the microwave. After waiting for a minute, he took the now steaming bowl of noodles out and placed it on the dining table. Grabbing a pair of chopsticks, he sat down on the creaky chair and smiled down at his food.

 _I wish I could share this with Kihyun,_ he thought as he took a bite, savouring the warmth in his stomach.

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

 

The day had passed like a breeze, now delving deep into the evening. Kihyun sat at the dining table with his dinner in front of him.

 _Today is ramen day_ , he thought. Albeit not being the biggest fan of ramen, it was the first thing that came to his mind when he thought of Hoseok. He wasn’t sure why. Did Hoseok like ramen? Maybe he could ask him tomorrow.

Blowing on the hot soup, he gazed out at the sky painted in hues of red and orange. He stared at the empty seat in front of him — a seat that nobody had touched in years.

He imagined Hoseok, with his mushroom-like hair and pointy ears sitting in front of him, another bowl of ramen in front of him.

 _I want Hoseok to eat ramen with me_ , he thought, pouting slightly. Thinking about Hoseok made him feel calm inside, almost as if the weight of a thousand stars was lifted from his shoulders.  _Maybe talking to someone really helps_ , he smiled, closing his eyes and relishing this newfound peace. He hadn’t felt this way in years. It almost felt like a pool of light spilled onto him, a shadow that had been hidden away from the world for far too long.

Slurping down his ramen with a smile on his face, he thought more and more about Hoseok. What was his favourite kind of ramen to eat? What did he like to drink? What colour did he like the most? Kihyun’s mind drifted farther and farther away from focus, unaware that he had already finished his ramen.

“Ah,” he murmured when he looked down at his empty bowl, coming back to reality. Shaking his head at himself, he stood up and took his bowl to the sink, cleaning it up.  _Stupid Kihyun_ , he reprimanded himself.

After finishing up the cleaning, he sat on the couch with his book of codes in his hands.  _Might as well study_ , he decided, flipping to the page with the translations. Taking in a deep breath, he let his concentration fall onto the words and codes on the worn pages.

 _Hoseok_ , he tapped absentmindedly on the armrest of the couch, sighing to himself.  _Hoseok._ He tapped again. And again. Shifting in his seat, he let his eyes scan through the alphabet once more, before tapping out a sentence.  _I like listening to music, and I love the Transcendental Etudes of Liszt._ Not knowing what sentence he could form next without having to see his awkward sentence structures, Kihyun took a sentence from the text to practice on. He tapped each letter out slowly and carefully, making sure that his long taps were accentuated clearly.

  
As soon as he finished, Kihyun smiled peacefully and he closed his eyes.


	4. Siarad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first clusters of flowers on a cherry blossom tree, breaking through the icy veneer left behind by the harsh wintry season; the parting of the clouds where the sun peeked through, and a fresh breeze that blew life into the barren. The tiniest of smiles formed on his face as he slowly drifted out of the consciousness- maybe tonight would be one without nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHKSJDHSD ENJOY THIS MESS
> 
>  
> 
> [@nana](https://twitter.com/ateexzm)   
>  [@dan](https://twitter.com/_flowerchae_)

 

December 10th, 2061

Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and- Hoseok couldn’t take it anymore. For how long had he been like this, pacing in his room like a madman? He’d been wasting his time, walking to and from one end of the room to the other.

“Hoseok?” His mother’s voice rang out from the living room, the noise clashing with the thuds of his loud footsteps. “Dear, please stop walking. It’s giving me anxiety.”

Hoseok laughed sheepishly, his mood lifting ever so slightly at his mother’s comment. “I’m sorry, mom. I’ll try to keep it down.”

His mother smiled at him, her face soft as she walked towards him. “Hoseokkie, what’s bothering you? Is it that boy next door? Kihyun, was it his name?”

Hoseok nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. “Kihyun...yeah, that’s his name. He hasn’t tried to talk to me in a week and I’m a little worried.”

“He probably has his own reasons, Hoseokkie.” His mother replied, coming to take Hoseok’s hand. Her face softened, a gentle smile curling her lips. “He’s lucky that you’re there for him.”

Hoseok blushed lightly, ducking his head in embarrassment. “Mom,” he murmured, smiling. “I just feel bad for him. He’s all alone in that big house, and I just, I just want to be his friend.”

His mother beamed at him, eyes fond. “You’re a kind boy, Seokkie. I’m sure that he will realize that.”

With that, his mother patted his arm gently and exited his room, while Hoseok resumed his pacing.

Coming to a halt, he turned his head to his bedroom door, an idea forming in the crevices of his mind. But did he really want to approach Kihyun again after that encounter? Would that seem too forward? There must have been a reason why he couldn’t contact him for a whole week - what if Kihyun was freaked out by him? What if he decided that maybe it was too risky to talk to him, and that maybe he wasn’t worth it?

 _Nonsense._ He thought, reprimanding himself. _Don’t think like that. Kihyun would obviously have a reason for not tapping. Maybe you should’ve tapped to him first._

 _No_ , Hoseok argued to himself, _maybe it_ ** _would_** _be better to talk to somebody about this_. His gaze moved to the sill of his bedroom window, squinting as sunlight spilled through the blinds, hitting his eyes.

After taking a few hesitant steps, he reached the window, sitting crossed legged on the tiny chair before it. Time stilled for a moment, then continued as Hoseok’s fingers met the painted surface of the windowsill.

_Minmoongie?_

About half a minute passed before he was greeted with a new chain of taps, a jingling sound he found almost painfully familiar.

 _Yes, Hoseokkie!_ Minhyuk sounded happy. There was a hint of tension behind it, but he kept it well hidden. _What is it?_

Hoseok laughed softly at Minhyuk’s puppy-like response, feeling his mood lift instantly. _Why are you so excited?_

In a flash, he was overwhelmed by what seemed to be gushing waves of incessant tapping. Furrowing his brows, Hoseok forced himself to concentrate as he tried to catch every single word. 

Hoseok’s eyes shut as he processed everything Minhyuk was trying to tell him- something about his mother nagging to send an e-letter to the government to ask for art supplies? As Hoseok’s mind drifted away from focus, his fingers mindlessly tapping a few words down.

_You should, Minhyuk. You don’t know whether or not they’ll reject it if you don’t try at all._

There was a pause before Minhyuk replied. _Maybe. I’m not sure though. What if they do reject me?_

 _That’s why you try!_ Hoseok tapped back, frustrated. Minhyuk had taken his concentration back to their conversation. _Seriously Minhyuk, if you don’t try, you’ll never know. You won’t be able to draw either. You’ve run out of supplies, right?_

 _Yeah._ Minhyuk tapped back, begrudgingly. _But I can live without drawing._

 _Can you?_ Hoseok tapped, raising an eyebrow. Knowing Minhyuk, he wouldn’t be able to survive a day without even touching his pencils.

 _What do you mean?_ Minhyuk tapped, faking ignorance.

Hoseok sighed, exasperated. Minhyuk was always like this - he was bright and cheerful, or maybe he simply pretended to be. There was no way in this ghost ridden town that a single person could be without scars. Maybe one day he could be brave enough to show his vulnerable side.

He brushed a hand through his hair, shifting his weight from the miniscule chair that seemed to tremble beneath him.   _I mean, can you last even ten hours without drawing?_

Hesitantly, Minhyuk tapped his reply. _No._

 _Minhyuk I -_ Hoseok couldn’t find anything to say. _Now will you_ _just_ _send the letter?_

 _Maybe._ Minhyuk tapped, his codes loud and clear, almost childish.

 _Listen to your mom, she’s right. It’s for your own good, so you might as well try. Plus, it’s not like you’re requesting to have a gun or something. They’re just pencils, paint tubes, and stuff. What’s so wrong with that?_ Hoseok tapped back, his thoughts simple. He could almost visualize Minhyuk, past the windows that separated them, pouting.

 _Uh,_ Minhyuk tapped softly. _Maybe._

A heavy sigh escaped Hoseok’s lips, his eyes squeezing shut as he tried to organize his thoughts. When would Minhyuk stop saying “maybe” and give a clear answer? He couldn’t grasp the worries that flew everywhere in his mind, the tense tightness in his body alien. There was a plethora of problems he wanted to solve, but could he really fix all of them?

_Are you okay?_

Hoseok was torn away from his little daze at the sound of Minhyuk’s fingers. Shaking his head to clear the muddledness, he leaned back to the window to press his fingers against the smooth glass.

 _What?_ Hoseok tapped, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. _I’m okay_ _..._ _? What is it?_

 _You seem distant today._ Minhyuk tapped back. _You usually reply to me quickly, but today your long taps became short and rushed. I had a hard time understanding you._

 _Really? Do I seem that obvious?_ Hoseok asked, taken aback. He didn’t think that Minhyuk would be so quick to notice it.

 _Yeah you do, Seok. I’ve been best friends with you for years and years now, communicating only with the Morse Code. I’d be able to know the way you tap by now. Wouldn’t you be able to figure mine out too?_ Minhyuk’s taps were steady and rhythmic, almost like a song.

Hoseok cocked his head to the side, squinting his eyes as he tried to think. _Yeah, h_ e tapped. _You tap really quickly and loudly. Sometimes I don’t even catch what you’re trying to say to me._

 _See?_ Minhyuk tapped back as soon as Hoseok finished. _I told you so. Now tell me what’s wrong._

Heaving a sigh, Hoseok dragged a chair from the kitchen table to the window and dropped himself on the soft seat. 

_So, there’s this person that I started to talk to a week ago._

He started to tell Minhyuk everything that happened with Kihyun, from having heard him in distress to him no longer contacting Hoseok. He left out some of the details of Kihyun himself, and tapped the rest to Minhyuk who listened patiently on the other side.

 _...And even now,  he’s still ignoring me._ Hoseok finished, fingers aching from tapping on the glass. His fingers must be so strong and slim now after all that exercise. Glancing at his hands, Hoseok flexed his fingers slowly, but nothing happened. _Nevermind,_ Hoseok thought, disappointed.

 _So…,_ Minhyuk tapped out slowly, after a skeptical pause. _Kihyun… are you sure that you trust him?_

Hoseok frowned while his fingers tapped out a reply, ignoring the pain that crept up his knuckles and shot into his fingertips. _Why wouldn’t I?_

 _Well,_ Minhyuk tapped, doubt lacing his words. _What if you were too gullible? What if he’s planning to betray you? What if Kihyun’s already sent the government an e-letter about you trying to talk to him that day?_

 Hoseok sulked, a pout forming on his lips. _I trust Kihyun. He won’t do those sorts of things. I know for sure._

 _But how would you know?_ There was an emphasis on the word how; Hoseok could tell.

 _Well-_ Hoseok stopped a moment to think. _I trust him._ He tapped with finality, taking a deep breath. _Anyways, is there an artwork you’re starting now?_

There was another pause before Minhyuk replied, _Hoseok…_

_Yea?_

_Are you sure you’re okay?_

Hoseok knit is brows together, _what do you mean?_

_You know that I can’t start any artwork right now. I don’t have any supplies._

Hoseok cursed under his breath at his own carelessness. _I’m sorry, Minhyuk, I guess talking about Kihyun threw me off a bit. Anyways, how’s your mother doing?_

_She’s doing fine for the most part but she thinks she might be coming down with a cold. She wants to ask for medication along with the art supplies in the letter._

_Maybe you should hurry, then. All the more reason to send the letter! You do want your mother to get better quicker right?_  

 _Right, but…_ Minhyuk’s taps faltered for a moment. _But how am I going to write it? How should I phrase my sentences so that it’s more likely for the stupid government to accept it and send us what we need? What if I write it in a way that they won’t accept?”_

Hoseok took a deep breathe in and slowly exhaled it, eyes closed. _If you’re not sure, write it, then tap it to me so that I can take a look at it. Stop stressing yourself out, Min._

 _Ah ah ah okay fine, fine._ Minhyuk tapped back, a perfect amount of weight on each tap. As he continued to tap, Hoseok’s thoughts overwhelmed him again and Minhyuk’s codes promptly faded away.

 _Should I go and ask Kihyun how he’s doing? Would it be too_ _forward_ _of me?_ Hoseok thought, twisting his fingers together. _No. Should I wait for his reply? If I tap to him, would it seem too desperate of me?_

 _Hoseok, you’re so stupid._ Minhyuk’s voice rang in his head. How did Hoseok even know what Minhyuk sounded like? A clear voice or a huskier one?

 _“ I_ know.” He said out loud, darting a glance to Minhyuk’s window. He was still tapping about some weird topic; Hoseok didn’t know when Minhyuk would stop.

 _If you know, why aren’t you going for it? It’s just the Morse Code. It’s not like it’s actual talking._ Hoseok thought to himself, still fiddling with his fingers. _Ow._ He had forgotten that his fingers were hurting from all the coding, and had made the ache even worse. Wincing with pain, Hoseok picked up a pen laying by the corner of the window frame and tapped a weak reply. At this moment, whatever Minhyuk was saying was the last thing Hoseok was worried about.

 _Hey Min?_ Hoseok tapped absentmindedly, before dropping the pen to massage his fingers.

 _-And then I said no - oh wait yeah what._ Minhyuk tapped back, surprise evident in his words.

Picking up the pen once more, Hoseok tapped out a reply. _I’m going to leave now and try to talk to Kihyun._

A few minutes passed and dry silence appeared between them before Minhyuk replied. _Sure. Do what you want to do._  

 _Are you sure?_ Hoseok asked back. _Are you okay with me talking to Kihyun?_

 _Yeah totally. Why wouldn’t I be? It’s not like I’m the one talking to him. Go ahead._ Minhyuk tapped softly, barely enough so that Hoseok could hear him.

 _Alright then. See you, Minmoongie._ Hoseok stood up from the chair and stretched, his bones cracking and muscles aching from staying in the same position for so long. With one last glance at the kitchen window, Hoseok walked back to his room. There was a strange feeling in his stomach-  almost as if there were a storm brewing within. Brushing it aside, he continued along his way.

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

 

Hoseok was confident that Kihyun was going to reply to him. He was so sure that Kihyun would hear him from wherever he was and send him back a hello. Maybe it would take some time, but Hoseok knew that he would be answered. A bitter laugh escaped him. _As if._ Hoseok pushed the thought aside, stubbornly trying to believe that Kihyun would most definitely reply to him. 

Taking his chair and some pillows along with it, Hoseok made himself comfortable before his kitchen window. He grabbed his notepad and a pencil and plunked himself on the chair, resting his feet on another. _Way too comfortable for a probab_ _le_ _serious talk, Hoseok._ Sighing, he placed his feet on the ground once more and started tapping.

 _Kihyun? Are you there?_ Hoseok tapped hesitantly, all his earlier confidence vanishing just as fast as it came. As he waited patiently for Kihyun’s reply, he opened his notepad in a bout of nerves and scrawled down a few words on the top of the page.

_Facts About Kihyun:_

Hoseok couldn’t help but take a note- after all, it would likely help Hoseok approach Kihyun better. It was always good to be prepared. Skipping a line, he added a few words onto the page: _Fact #1. Kihyun is often lonely._

Hoseok cocked his head to the side, thinking hard. _Was it alright to write like that?_ Hoseok shrugged to himself, brushing aside his thought. No one would see this notepad besides him anyway. His mother would respect his privacy and no one else could get in.

Just as Hoseok was about to pick his pencil up again, a series of slow and awkward taps brought him alert. It was Kihyun!

 _Hey._  

 _Kihyun!!_ Hoseok’s reply was swift . He tapped hurriedly and excitedly, forgetting that Kihyun couldn’t quite understand Morse Code so quickly yet. _Where have you been? Why haven’t you been coding to me?_

 _Slow down._ Kihyun’s reply was slow. _Not too familiar yet._

Hoseok deflated a little, his excitedness wearing him down. _Oh. Oh yeah I remember. Why haven’t you tapped to me?_ He slowed his taps generously, pausing every once in a while to ensure that Kihyun had time to translate his codes.

A pause that never seemed to end happened and finally Kihyun tapped out a reply. _I didn’t know if you’d reply. I was wary. And uncertain. I didn’t know if I had to reply. I’m sorry._

 _Hey, hey._ Hoseok tapped, feeling himself soften inside . _It’s okay. I’m still talking to you right? I won’t leave._

 _Really?_  

 _Yeah._ Hoseok sat back onto his chair and dropped an arm across his eyes. Kihyun was scared and insecure. He didn’t know whether or not Hoseok would reply to him, nor was he sure that Hoseok had really meant what he had said the other day.

 _So…._ Kihyun tapped out carefully. Hoseok promptly shot up from his position and leaned towards the window. _What’s your favorite food?_

Hoseok blinked, surprise blooming on his face. He didn’t expect Kihyun to change the topic. Making a mental note in his head, Hoseok replied. _Ramen. And protein._

 _Ramen? Protein?_ Kihyun seemed shocked. _Protein’s not a type of food! It is a nutrient! Ramen is so unhealthy!_

Hoseok pouted, feeling himself deflate. _It’s not unhealthy. It’s delicious._

 _No I-_ Kihyun tapped, then stopped. Seeming as though he was thinking of what to say next, Kihyun resumed coding. _But why protein?_

_Protein’s healthy for you. Usually, the government would send me a can full of protein powder for me. I workout a lot as a hobby, especially when I’m bored._

_Workout when bored? Oh wow then you must workout so often then._

_Yeah I guess._ Hoseok tapped back, a smile playing on the corner of mouth. _Anyways, what do you like to do in your free time?_  

 _What I like to do?_ Kihyun tapped back. The concept of “free time” seemed unfamiliar to him- was it not simply just time? What could he possibly do to create free time when every single moment of his life was spent waiting in his house, hoping that one day something would change?

 _Free time… I have so much free time_ , Kihyun chuckled to himself slightly, the corner of his mouth twitching into a slight smile. _Since I do, I’d probably be either re-reading books, sleeping, singing, pacing, or experimenting with food._  

 _Sing?_ Hoseok tapped, his attention grasped. _You sing?_

 _Yeah, sort of. I’ve never trained properly before, I just sing whenever I feel like it._ Kihyun replied softly.

 _So you must be really good then! Your voice must be so nice!_ Hoseok tapped, excited. He himself sang as well and to encounter someone who also sang gave him a strange sense of thrill.

 _Haha, thanks, I guess so. I’ve never had anyone tell my that my voice was nice, nor do I think that it sounds good_ _either_ _._ Kihyun tapped. _It’s the first._

  _I’m glad that I’m the first to tell you that!_ Hoseok tapped, slowing down once he realized that he was coding far too quickly. _What kinds of foods have you experimented with, up to now?_

 _Oh, foods!_ Kihyun tapped. He seemed excited to talk about that topic, his tapping becoming faster and louder. _He’s like Mother,_ Hoseok mused to himself, a smile forming on his face. _They both love cooking. They’d get along well._

 _Well for food, I’ve been trying to make eggnog! Since it’s close to Christmas, I was thinking of making eggnog and desserts,_ Kihyun tapped out, his taps quickening. _I don’t know how well it’ll turn out though, I’ve seen a bunch of different recipes for that dish and I’ll probably try them out some time soon._

 _Eggnog?_ Hoseok tapped, his mouth watering at the word. _Oh lord I love eggnog. The alcoholic one or non-alcoholic?_

 _Hmmm…,_ Kihyun seemed to be thinking to himself. _Maybeeee,_ there, Kihyun tapped a long line of e’s. _Maybe alcoholic?_

 _Oh dear._ Hoseok laughed to himself. He really liked Kihyun. _What a bad child._  

 _Hey!_ Kihyun tapped out jokingly. _I’m an adult, okay? I’m twenty-one._

 _Yeah yeah, still a child._ Hoseok tapped back, grinning hard.

 _I-_ Kihyun drummed back. _Alright then._ Hoseok felt the conversation come to a still, suspended in the air. He pushed back his chair with a feeling of satisfaction sitting in his chest. Letting out a breath that had been held in for far too long, Hoseok relished in the sudden peace that encompassed him.

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

 

Late at night, Kihyun lay on his soft bed, feeling the covers draped over him like a snug little cloud. He sighed into his pillow, his eyes shut as he recalled the events of the day. There was a strange, unfamiliar feeling of warmth that spread through his body at his thoughts, something that felt like a gentle caress. It was a feeling Kihyun had often yearned for, one that he had not felt for almost a decade. How would he describe it? It was almost like… spring.

The first clusters of flowers on a cherry blossom tree, breaking through the icy veneer left behind by the harsh wintry season; the parting of the clouds where the sun peeked through,  and a fresh breeze that blew life into the barren. The tiniest of smiles formed on his face as he slowly drifted out of the consciousness- maybe tonight would be one without nightmares.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_Hoseok._

_Hoseok?_

Minhyuk gave a resigned sigh, and withdrew his hands from the windowsill of his bedroom. It had been — three days? Three days since Hoseok had last contacted him and answered to Minhyuk’s greetings. An uneasy feeling in Minhyuk’s stomach began to spread, growing larger and larger until —

_Minhyuk!_

Minhyuk’s eyes widened, lunging immediately to the windowsill.

_Hoseok? It’s been three days! Where have you been? Why have_ _n’t_ _you been answering me?_

Hoseok’s reply came faster than the speed of light.  _I’m sorry_ _,_ _Minhyuk! I’ve been talking to Kihyun a lot and it’s been really nice! Do you want to hear about it?_

 _What?_ Minhyuk thought to himself as he pushed down the growing ball of tension and fear in his stomach.  _Kihyun again?_ Shaking his head, Minhyuk closed his eyes, thoughts whirling in his head. He could barely fathom the excitement in Hoseok’s taps as the uneasy feeling rose up in his throat. Swallowing it down, he tapped a reply.

_Oh_ _,_ _really? Sure._

_Well, apparently Kihyun really likes to sing — just like us. He also likes cooking and he’s starting to learn Morse Code as well. He’s also..._

Minhyuk’s mind couldn’t focus on the subject at hand. Who was Kihyun to Hoseok? Had they become close? Why did Hoseok ignore him for three days for Kihyun? Was he better than him? What was it that Minhyuk had to improve to be as important as Kihyun? What was he lacking in? How could Hoseok be so caught up in talking and laughing with Kihyun, that he forgot his best friend?

_Minhyuk? Did you catch that?_

Minhyuk felt himself pulled back into reality as he tapped a quick reply.  _Huh?_

_I said_ _:_ _Kihyun also seems to be kind of anxious, don’t you think?_

That feeling returned, coiling in his stomach and biting at him like a knot of venomous snakes.  _How am I supposed to know that Kihyun seems anxious? I’m not his_ _stupid_ _friend. I don’t talk to him._ Minhyuk was tempted to snap at Hoseok, but they were...they were  _best friends_  — and best friends  _aren’t_   _supposed_  to do that to each other.

Feeling the strength leave his fingertips, he tried to feebly tap something.  _Ah_.

There was a tension-filled pause so thick that Minhyuk could cut it with a knife.

_Are you okay, Minhyuk? You seem kind of off._

He pondered at how to answer this. Was he okay? Clearly not. As much as he wanted to simply brush it off and say that he was fine, there was a firm grip holding him back. He couldn’t this time. He just couldn’t.

_No, Hoseok, I’m not okay._

_Why is that? You know you can always talk to me, Minmoongie._

_Minmoongie?_ Minhyuk scoffed. Oh,  _now_ Hoseok was  _Minmoongie-ing_ him? That wasn’t going to work on him. Minhyuk took a deep breath, the long brewing storm of emotions spilling over and filling every finger that tapped furiously against the glass.

 _Gee, I wonder why? Maybe_ _I’m not okay because my best friend_ _I’ve known_ _my entire life has been ignoring me for three days, even when I’ve tried to greet him. Why? Because he’s decided that somebody he barely knows is so much more important than his best friend_ _?_ _To the point where he can’t even stop by and ask how he’s doing? You know what_ _,_ _Hoseok_ _, f_ _or these past three days_ I  _have been a mixture of sad_ _ness_ _, worr_ _y_ _, and insecur_ _ity_ _because of you._

Minhyuk leaned back against the hard-backed chair, his fingers now tired after his long rant. Between the two friends fell another silence, the tension even more strained than before.

_Minhyuk…_

_Yes?_ He couldn’t help almost snapping at Hoseok again.

 _Why are you so unsupportive of the idea of me becoming friends with Kihyun?_ The slow taps of hesitation almost made Minhyuk feel sorry.

He sighed, feeling frustration build up from within. He reached back to the windowsill to tap a reply but was interrupted by more tapping from Hoseok.

_Could it possibly be…that you’re jealous? Because if that’s the case —_

Minhyuk’s frustration came up again, erupting like a fountain, spilling over the brim.

 _No, Hoseok. You don’t understand. You don’t need to think that I’m jealous over this because I’m really not. I’m just—afraid. Afraid that one day I’ll tap a good morning and never hear you reply because you’re talking to Kihyun about what he likes to eat for breakfast. I’m afraid that when I’m sad or upset_ _,_ _you won’t be there for me anymore because now you’ve got somebody else to worry about. I’m afraid that one day you’ll be gone without a trace and everything between us will be broken and estranged. That’s how_ _I_   _feel_   _like_ _these past three days, Hoseok. I was scared—so scared that you were gone._

Minhyuk paused for a moment, his hands shaking from exertion.  _Calm yourself_ , he thought. Feeling his sore hand steady, he continued.

 _You_ know  _how much I hate being alone. You even_ _promised_ _me_ _that_ _as long as you were alive, I’d never be alone. And you_ know  _how hard my insecurities cave in on me. I spent three days wondering why I wasn’t good enough for you to talk to me. I don’t have a problem with you making new friends but if you’re going to ignore me, just give me a warning._ _Please_ _,_ _Hoseok, if you don’t think that I’m good enough for you, tell me and I’ll leave you alone. I’d rather know that my best friend has found someone better than me, then be fooled by you._

There was another silence.

_Minhyuk_ _,_ _I…_

He heard Hoseok’s taps falter as he held back tears.

 _Minhyuk, you know I don’t mean to ignore you. I_ _would never_ _. I’m sorry if I seemed like_ _it was_ _as if I forgot about you or purposefully tried_ _to_ _ignore you. You_ are  _good enough for me, believe that._ _As for_ _Kihyun, I’m just trying to get to know him better. I’m not replacing you for him—he’s a friend and you’re still my best friend.  You have to realize that as much as I cherish our friendship_ _,_ _and as much as you depend on_ _me_ _as your best friend—you won’t ever be the only friend that I have._

At Minhyuk’s stunned silence, Hoseok continued hurriedly.  _Not that I don’t need you. I just—I don’t know—it’s just that in this society, it’s difficult, and being alone will_ always _happen. We both know that communicating using the Morse Code is the only way that we can keep up with each other’s lives, and especially since the government has implanted these lenses in our eyes, there’s no other way but coding. We both know this._

 _And why are you telling me this?_ Minhyuk tapped back.

_It’s just for you to know that Kihyun is really lonely right now and he needs a friend. I’m trying to become friends with him mainly because I don’t want him to be alone_ _,_ _and also because I’d like to get to know him more. Please don’t take this to heart_ _,_ _Min, I won’t leave you for Kihyun or_ _anything like that_ _._

_Are you sure?_ Minhyuk tapped, feeling a pout form on his mouth. Hoseok wasn’t really going to leave him, would he?

 _Yeah_ _,_ _Minnie. I’m sure. I won’t replace you, you’re my best friend. You’ve been with me as my best friend, my platonic-soulmate, for almost all of our lives. I won’t and can’t ditch you that easily._ While Hoseok paused as if to stretch his fingers, Minhyuk felt his pout fade and a small smile replac e it.  _Besides, I’m going to have to deal with your stupid_ _,_ _loud ass for a while, so I really can’t get rid of you that easily._

At that, Minhyuk chuckled lightly to himself before placing his fingers on the glass once more.  _Yeah_ _,_ _I know. Too bad you’re my friend_ _,_ _Seok. You’re stuck with me until we die._

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

 

Kihyun’s eyes were glued to the same unembellished ceiling he faced everyday, tossing and turning endlessly as time flew over his head. There really wasn’t anything special about the lustreless ceiling that his eyes were fixed upon, but the harder he stared at it, the more patterns he uncovered.

He wasn’t supposed to be lying lazily on the bed right now since it was in the middle of the afternoon, and he wasn’t intending to take a nap. However, Kihyun was really too bored to think of anything else to do. Days like this occurred far more often than Kihyun would have liked, but he couldn’t help it. Could anyone, really? Especially in this estranged town.

Turning his head to the side, he took a peek at the desk at the corner of his eyes, narrowing them so that he could see the items perched on the table better.

His desk had a few books stacked on top of each other to the side, a worn printed picture of his mother and father leaned against the lamp, and his pencils and pens scattered all over.  _Real_   _neat, Kihyun._

Taking in a deep breath, Kihyun turned his head back so that he was facing the ceiling once more. Closing his eyes, he let his thoughts take him back to when he was merely two years old.

_“Kiki!” A voice belonging to a child had called_ _out_ _to him. “Kiki_ _,_ _where are you?”_

_Little Kihyun had giggled into his small hand, trying to hold his breath in case his friend could hear him. Staying quiet, he_ _had_ _crouched behind the raspberry bush and covered his head._

_“Kiki? Come out!” The voice belonged to his three-year old friend, who_ _se_ _name Kihyun couldn’t_ _quite recall_ _._ _He knew it started with an “H”— was it_ _Heewon_ _? H_ _yewon_ _? No, that wasn’t quite it._ _All Kihyun could remember was the name “Wonnie”._

_“Kiki!” His friend had said again. “Come out! Don’t hide!”_

_Giggling softly, Kihyun_ _had_ _peeked out of the raspberry bush to look at his friend who was turning_ _around_ _in circles to try to find Kihyun. “Haha_ _,_ _Wonnie, you couldn’t find me!” He had called out from his hiding spot._

_His friend, Wonnie,_ _had_ _whirled in his spot to find Kihyun’s little head sticking out of the raspberry bush. His eyes were big and wide, enlarging as soon as he had spot Kihyun. “Kiki!” He had shrieked, bounding towards his best friend. “Kiki! No more hid_ _ing_ _!”_

_Kihyun_ _had_ _laughed, smiling at his friend. Narrowing his eyes so that he could see his friend’s blurry face, he tried to make out the features.  Squeezing his eyes, he was so so close to seeing his friend’s face. Kihyun tried to open his mouth to tell Wonnie to come closer, but no sound came out. “H—”_

Kihyun gasped, his breath quickening. He shot up from his bed and lowered his head, closing his eyes. He was so close.  _So close_ to finding out what his friend looked like.  _So close_ to knowing his name. Shaking his head, he gave up on naming his friend and instead focused on the blurred face of that boy.

 _Did Wonnie have big eyes? He had chubby cheeks,_ Kihyun thought to himself, brushing a hand through his hair.  _He_ _was around the same age as me, wasn’t he? Slightly round-ish eyes—did he have puffy lips?_ Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to think even harder. He had a straight nose and puffy hair. What else? Squeezing his eyes shut, he envisioned a canvas in front of him, a half painted face of a mere toddler illustrated onto the surface. There was a paintbrush in his right hand, crusted with dried paint at the handle. The bristles were slightly dry but Kihyun didn’t mind. This was only in his head, after all.

Reaching out, he painted a swift stroke on the canvas—Kihyun was no artist, but once again, this was all only in his head. The painting was almost finished, bringing a flood of emotions right into Kihyun’s heart—excitement, happiness, thrill. It almost felt childlike. A few more strokes landed on the canvas and suddenly, the final pieces of the puzzle were added. It all clicked together. He stood back, watching the face stare back at him, its eyes swimming with something Kihyun couldn’t quite identify. Was it longing? Hope? Resentment?

His eyes snapped open. Stamped in his mind was the picture of a long lost friend, one that he’d cherished deeply before their friendship was torn apart.  _Now, what was his name again? I had called him Wonnie..._ Kihyun was perplexed. Haewon? Hyunwon?  _Wait._  He gasped lightly as he came to a realization.

_Hyungwon._

Jumping up and throwing the covers off of his bed, he hurried over to the window and frantically tapped.

_Hoseok, Hoseok!_

Kihyun smiled at being able to tap out Hoseok’s name perfectly without the assistance of a guide. As he waited for Hoseok’s reply, he fetched the book from the counter and placed it onto his lap. A few moments later, he heard a familiar tapping sound.

_Yeah? What is it?_

Kihyun grinned excitedly as he tapped his reply.  _So, before the government implemented that law, I had a friend. I_ _t was_ _a long time ago, but somehow I remembered him. I think he still lives next door to me._

_Oh, really? That’s great! Have you guys communicated yet? Did he tap to you with Morse code, too?_

_No, no, no—not yet. I haven’t tapped to him, I just remembered who he was._ There was a tiny smile on his face as he coded those words.

_Oh, I get_ _it_ _. What exactly do you remember about him?_

Kihyun tilted his head at this, unsure of what to say.  _Well, I’ve only ever seen him as a toddler since we were around that age when the law was implemented. I honestly don’t remember that much. Our parents were friends too—does he still even live next door?_

There was a slight pause before Hoseok replied.  _I mean, if he didn’t move immediately before we were forced into confinement—which is pretty unlikely—he should probably still be living there._

Kihyun let out a little sigh.  _Well, he could be dead or something. You never know. Maybe he choked on his dinner and—_

_Well, then, maybe you should tap to him like how I did to you! Do it until he hears you or something—you never know until you try. Come on, just do it. I believe in you._

Kihyun frowned slightly, still unsure of what to do.  _Really? Should I? But what if he never responds? What if he reports me to the government?_

_Kihyun—just do it, okay?_

He sighed at Hoseok’s response, then widened his eyes at a realization.  _Hoseok…, not everybody has a book on coding or is fluent in it._

_Oh...right._

There was a short but awkward silence between the two, seemingly dragging out until suddenly it was broken. Kihyun reached out to tap another message.

_You know I’m still going to go for it, right?_

_Yep—_ Kihyun could almost see Hoseok smiling—  _do you want to hear about my other neighbour? His name is Minhyuk. We’ve been best friends ever since we were around three._

Kihyun raised an eyebrow at the sudden change of topic, but was eager nonetheless.

_Sure._

There was another pause before Hoseok responded. Kihyun imagined him on the other side of the window, thinking to himself.

 _Well… Minhyuk’s_ _a really funny person,_ Hoseok started, slowing his taps down.  _I think he’s pretty loud. Quite enthusiastic as well, loves whales and dogs, but hates cucumbers._

 _Cucumbers?_ Kihyun interrupted, his eyes wide. He’d never known that someone could hate cucumbers.

 _Yeah haha,_ Hoseok tapped back,  _I don’t really know why either. But besides his intense hate for cucumbers, he’s a really sunny person and laughs a lot. I think. Usually when Minhyuk’s not tapping a reply to me, he’s probably cackling away._

At that, Kihyun laughed out loud, smiling widely. He’d love to be able to meet someone like Minhyuk.  _Minhyuk sounds so cool. Maybe us three should talk together_ _one day_ _._

 _Good idea!_ Hoseok tapped back, his tapping getting quicker and quicker as h is excitement grew .  _But how are we supposed to make that work?_

 _Hmmm,_ Thinking tentatively, Kihyun pressed on his throbbing temples as he tried to come up with ways where they could all communicate. He was really thinking too much today.  _Maybe… Let’s say that I want to say something to Minhyuk. I’d be tapping to you what I wanted to say to him, and then you could remember it and tap it back to Minhyuk! And then vice-versa._

 _Sure. But Kihyunnie,_ Hoseok tapped,  _I’m too lazy for that. I don’t want to move when I’m talking to you._

Kihyun blushed, feeling warmth creep up his neck and spread across his cheeks. Giggling, he beamed at the window, his smile dimming once he realized that Hoseok couldn’t see him anyway.  _Hoseok! Stop being so lazy!_

As if he could hear Hoseok’s hearty laugh, Kihyun smiled secretively to himself.  _One day._ He told himself, clenching the pen in his fist tightly.  _One day he’ll be able to see Hoseok’s smile and hear his laughter._

 _Alright, fine._ Hoseok tapped back.  _I’ll do that for you two._

Kihyun smiled, his cheeks aching from holding his smile for so long.  _Sucks for you._

 _I—Kihyun, I—_ Hoseok tapped, stopping once and a while to accentuate his exasperation.  _Alright then._

He thought to himself as the conversation came to a diminish, a new silence pouring into the room.

 _Well,_ he tapped,  _I think it’s about time I go and try to discover my friend, Wonnie._

_Wonnie?_

_Yeah, that’s his name. Well, kind of, at least. It’s an affectionate nickname, I suppose? His actual name is Hyungwon._

_Oh, I see._

_Yeah. Bye!_

_Bye!_

He finished off his taps with a satisfied smile on his face. Holding a pen in his hand, he stood up and pushed in his chair. He began to walk towards his bedroom window as a flurry of worries ran through his head, racking at his nerves. He shook his head furiously as he brushed the uneasy thoughts aside.  _Hoseok wouldn’t want me to worry like this._

As he made his way into his bedroom, he sucked in a deep breath.  _You’ve got this, Kihyun. You’ve got this._

Time seemed to come to a still as he placed his palms on the windowsill, a feeling that felt comfortingly familiar, easing away the remnants of his anxieties.

Time resumed the moment the tip of the pen met the painted ledge.

_Hey._


	5. Dryswch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With realization dawning on him, he found himself knowing that Hoseok could be the only person in his entire life to call home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAO ENJOY AGAIN
> 
>  
> 
> [@nana](https://twitter.com/ateexzm)   
>  [@dan](https://twitter.com/_flowerchae_)

  


December 16, 2061

 

Hyungwon heaved a sigh, lying splayed out on his bed. He’d confined himself in his quiet bedroom for days already, sulking and pouting like a little kid. He was no longer fuming at his parents, but he remained sullen throughout the long, dragging days. He was probably being way too dramatic for his own good, locking himself up and not even bothering to eat, but at this point he couldn’t care less. Was he even hungry from starving himself for three days? He’d guess so. _Not really_ , he thought to himself.

Rolling onto the other side of his bed, Hyungwon lay slumped on his covers, unwilling to move. His bones felt heavy and his eyes were drooping with exhaustion as he dragged a heavy hand over his eyes, shielding his face. Just as he was about to doze off, a knock broke into the solitude of the room.

“Hyungwon? Are you okay?” His mother asked patiently, a hesitant tone hiding behind the facade. “Do you need anything?”

Hyungwon froze, afraid to make a sound. An awkward silence passed over the room, filled with a painful hollowness that seemed to cut into both of them.

“Alright, well,” said his mother with finality, “if you ever need me, just drop a note. I’m leaving you a bowl of shrimps outside your door. I know you like it.”

Hyungwon glanced over at the door, rolling his eyes at the irony of his mother saying _if you ever need me_.

 _Ha_ , he thought as his glance strayed to a window to his right. There were little pebbles he’d collected as a toddler prior to the government’s decision, sitting on the windowsill as if to taunt him.

Staring at the dark, foggy glass, he squinted closely to determine whether or not he could see through to the other side. Looking intensely, the only picture that he could see was himself, his unruly hair and his dark eyebags that seemed to cry in exhaustion. His skin looked pale, flushed in an unnatural colour. The corners of his eyes were drooping down as he stared at them, taking in the faded brown shade of his eyes. _I look so healthy._ Hyungwon thought tiredly to himself, _Wow, Chae Hyungwon, way to go._ As he analyzed himself through the reflecting window, he heaved a sigh and released it with a short exhale.

All of the sudden, Hyungwon picked up a series of minute taps, almost as if the window was being showered with light drops of rain. Tensing up, he focused on the sound. It was like countless of miniscule pebbles being thrown at his window, similar to the sound of his fountain pen hitting the edge of the glass jar that contained his precious ink. _What the hell is happening, who’s trying to disrupt me?_ He thought to himself, as he inched forward. Leaning his weight on the windowsill, he peered through the dark window, ignoring himself as he tried to see through. He pressed his hands against the bitter cold glass, trying to close the space. Squinting hard, he could finally make out the slightest hint of the wall of a neighbouring house . Hyungwon saw the light reflecting what could possibly be a window, shadowing at the edges. As he sat back down on his bed, he went over the possibilities of who or what could possibly be the source of the noise . _Could it be someone who lived in that house?_ Hyungwon thought to himself, stretching his legs out. _Maybe just a bird? Pecking at a tree? No, it isn’t possible for a bird to be this loud._

Scratching his temple, he let his thoughts wander to the house next door. It had belonged to someone he knew, he was definitely certain. _It sounded like someone was tapping with a pen against wood. Unless,_ Hyungwon stopped. _No, that’s impossible._ He squeezed his eyes shut and let out an annoyed sigh. He’d had a best friend before from when he was three years old. But that was back when him and his best friend were toddlers, innocent and naive, shielded from the horrors of the world.

Kihyun wouldn’t try to communicate with him, would he? Nibbling on his lower lip, he swept his eyes across the room and landed on his fountain pen. As he stared at his pen, the tapping began again.

 _What the fuck._ He thought to himself, shaking his head. Was he hallucinating? Could it be that he was s o bored to the point where he started imagining things? _You’re probably too tired, Hyungwon. That’s why you think that everyone’s trying to talk to you._ Hyungwon sighed with frustration, tearing his gaze away from the inanimate object. _Maybe I should just stop thinking about it. It’ll probably go away._ As a list of possibilities ran through his head, the tapping remained constant.

Irritated, Hyungwon grabbed the fountain pen that he was glaring at earlier and threw it at the glass. The pen met the surface with a loud clang and rebounded towards the floor, reverberating as it landed. Almost immediately, the tapping came to a halt and the silence returned.

Hyungwon stiffened. _That was scary. Did it stop as soon as I responded?_ He thought to himself. _It must’ve sensed my_ _exasperation_ _. Who could possibly…_ Freezing as soon as he a realization hit him, he inhaled sharply. _It’s definitely a person, a human. It’s impossible for it to be some bird or mammal. What if…_ Hyungwon paused in disclination as he knitted his eyebrows together. _A human. Who? Who knows me? Who, that knows me, would try to “communicate” with me? I don’t know how to code. Whoever could be that smart to learn...Who?_ _Could it possibly be..._ _Yoo Kihyun?_

Hyungwon shook his head, almost in disbelief, _Yoo Kihyun… who I haven’t seen in years? How did he find a way to… to do this? What is he trying to say?_ He ran a hand through his messy hair as he tried to think. There was a myriad of emotions running through him, clawing at his senses. There was far too much happening for Hyungwon to possibly fathom- there was already the inner turmoil he felt with his parents and now, an old friend trying to reach him? Suddenly, uncalled for feelings of bitterness flooded into him, cursing at everything- his parents, himself, even Kihyun. Why? He didn’t know.

A frown formed on his face as he turned away from the window, allowing his eyes to shut.

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

 

Hoseok lay flat on his stomach on top his covers, trying to support his own weight as his elbows dug into the mattress. In his hands laid his notebook, his nimble fingers pinching the corners of the pages. His eyes were glued to the black words that he’d scrawled on the page the other day, running them over and over again in his head. _A painful childhood_ , he thought, _an orphaned hamster look-alike with a painful childhood who likes to cook and sing?_ Hoseok chuckled at the creature of his own imagination, digging deeper into his thoughts.

What did Kihyun like to do during the day? When did he wake up? What did he like to eat?

He couldn’t help but imagine a smile plastered on Kihyun’s face as he stared down at his meal. A tiny smile began to surface on Hoseok’s face as well at the thought, feeling light on the inside. His mind wandered to distant memories of his very own mother making meals for him, smiling at him as she set down his plate. Suddenly, a frown spread onto Hoseok’s face. What did Kihyun do when he was sad? When he was upset? He couldn’t help but think of all the times Kihyun must have felt that way, with everything that had happened with his life.

Did he cry? Try to cheer himself up? Or did he like to pretend that nothing was wrong? Hoseok’s imagination blossomed even further as he painted a scene with Kihyun, lying curled up somewhere in his house. It was the day he first heard his cry. He imagined Kihyun with tears streaming down his face, upset at the world for its existence. Before he knew it, his brows were furrowed and a hollow feeling rose from his stomach. Shaking his head, he tried to erase that image from his mind, brushing it away immediately.

Flipping around to lie on his back, he thought even more. He thought of a confused Kihyun staring at whatever he used to learn Morse code, struggling with the codes. He chuckles slightly, a warm feeling in his heart. Suddenly, a strange feeling shot up his stomach, allowing his eyes to snap open. He laid there with his eyes fixed on the ceiling for a few moments, trying to wrap his head around this feeling. It felt unfamiliar, but not entirely malevolent.

 _No_ , he thought, _I have to ask MInhyuk about this_.

He shot up, almost knocking his notebook off of the bed. Walking over to his window, he ran more thoughts through his mind; _Would Minhyuk even know what’s happening? What if Minhyuk laughs at me and tells me I’m being silly?_ He brushed them all aside as he found himself standing in front of the window. Sitting down, he took a deep breath and grabbed his pen.

_Min?_

_Yeah?_

_I need to talk to you about something._

There was a slight pause before Minhyuk’s reply.

_Is it about Kihyun?_

Hoseok stopped for a moment, worrying that Minhyuk was still upset about Kihyun. Calming that worry, he began to tap his response.

_Yeah. Kind of._

_What is it?_

_Well… I was thinking about him earlier today. I was wondering how he’d go about his day until suddenly I realized that…_

_That?_

He let the pen hover for a bit.

_I don’t really know. I kind of just started to feel weird? Like, kind of fluttery and warm and…confused? I don’t know._

_Oh. Aaaaah. Oooh,_ Minhyuk tapped in a reply

Confused, he impatiently reached forward to tap a question.

_What do you mean?_

_Hoseok._

He blinked at the sound of his own name being tapped.

_What?_

_I think you’re in love._

Hoseok wouldn’t lie that he laughed at that. But after the excitement wore off, he settled back into confusion.

 _What? No way. I can’t possibly be in love with somebody I’ve never even met. Well I have actually, but I’ve_ _never even seen him_ _before_ _!_

_Hoseok-ah. You can’t base your attraction to somebody completely on looks. It should be based off of their characteristics, and how they treat you, and stuff like that!_

Hoseok was slightly taken aback. He reached out to reply, but was cut off by more of Minhyuk’s little speech.

_I know you’re not stupid, Hoseok. You know how we live our lives. In this town, you can’t see anybody aside from your own family. How do you even fall in love with someone for their looks?_

Hoseok was silent.

_Yeah. You’re probably right. What even is love?_

_Uhm, I don’t think that I’m the person you should ask._ _Do you have any books? I’m sure you do. Don’t you?_

Hoseok thought for a bit, and then responded.

_Yeah, I do- I think. My mom should have some. Why?_

_There are a lot of books about love. I’m not sure if your mom has any, but if you’re confused just read the back or something, it normally summarizes the plot. Man, I can’t believe you  don’t read books more often. Open your mind a bit more!_

A cheeky grin was plastered onto his face as he tapped back.

 _Okay, okay. Fine. I’ll go look for some now, okay?_ _Thanks Min._

 _No problem,_ _See you_ _!_

Hoseok leaned back, feeling satisfied with himself.

Then, remembering his task, he stood up and searched for his mother.

He opened the door to his mother’s room, poking his head in.

“Mom?”

“Yeah?” He found her sitting on the bed, a head bent over a book. _Perfect_ , he thought.

“Uh, can I look through some of your books?” Hoseok asked, fidgeting slightly. His mother seemed to beam at the request, setting her book facedown.

“Oh, are you interested in reading now? That’s great! I wonder what made you change your mind… go ahead! The bookshelf is over there,” his mother pointed at a shelf in the corner of her room, then proceeded to pick up her book and start reading again.

Hoseok walked over awkwardly, uncomfortably aware of his mother’s presence.

“Alright,” he mumbled to himself, “romance… where are you.” He flipped through multiple books, finding mystery, thriller, adventure, ect. until he finally came across a book with the words _The_ _Hunger Games_ written on the front cover. He turned the book around, looking for a summary but there wasn’t one.

“Is that _Hunger Games_?” His mother’s voice pierced through his bubble of thoughts. “I loved Katniss. She was so strong.”

Hoseok was slightly taken aback at his mother’s sudden remark. Turning around, he asked, “Oh, what’s it about?”

His mother seemed thoughtful at hearing this, glancing upwards at the ceiling.

“Well, it’s about this country that’s under rule by an oppressive government called the Capitol,” she paused to think, then continued, “and every year they host a survival show- a literal _survival_ show- where 24 contestants fight to the death in an arena. It’s really good. I recommend it. The main couple’s pretty cute too.”

 _Main couple?_ Hoseok’s ears perked slightly as he heard those words. Maybe there was romance in this book, despite the seemingly darker themes.

“Okay, thank you,” Hoseok muttered as he stared at the book tentatively. Out of the corner of his eye, he could have sworn saw his mother smile at him.

He took the book to his room, head up in the clouds as he walked down the hallway. He was both excited and nervous- excited to get a glimpse into what romance was like, and nervous for the exact same reason.

As he entered the doorway to his room, he thought more about Kihyun- did he read often? Had he read this book book before? He climbed onto his bed and nestled himself in a little corner, flipping over the first page of the book.

As time ticked, Hoseok found himself digging himself deeper and deeper into the plotline of the book. Districts with individual purposes? That seemed pretty cool. A badass archer as the main character? Also cool. A battle for survival in an arena that simulated real-life wilderness? Not so cool for the characters, but definitely cool to read.

As the afternoon passed, Hoseok felt himself ride through a rollercoaster of emotions. Awe at Katniss’s selflessness to potentially sacrifice her life to save her sister’s, to fascination at the extravagant lifestyle of the rich, to horror at the first few deaths in the competition.

The sun had dipped into the mountains as Hoseok gasped at one of the pages. How could Peeta be so brave to lie in order to salvage the sliver of a hope to protect Katniss’s life, even though it was to people who could easily overpower him? How much did he genuinely care for Katniss to do that for her? How much love did he hold for her? A few chapters later and Hoseok was grimacing at the pages. They were spoon feeding each other- what was the point of that? Couldn’t they just feed themselves? And it was for publicity, too. Hoseok understood why they were doing it, but it still repulsed him, no less.

He stared out into the window at the night sky, gazing at the twinkling stars. _Maybe I should continue this tomorrow_ , he thought, putting his book face down on his desk. His eyes moved to the moon- it was a half-moon tonight. What was love? Was it laying down your own life for the sake of somebody else? Was it spoon feeding that someone? Was it both? Hoseok shook his head vigorously. This was something to think about the next day. _It’s too late for this kind of thinking_ , he thought as he decided to wrap his head around it the next morning.

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

 

 _Every one of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That’s part of what it means to be alive._ Rereading the sentence over and over again, Kihyun flipped through one of his favourite books to read, _Kafka on The Shore_. Shifting his attention from the precious sentence, he let his eyes wander over the next sentence, stopping on the word _home. Home?_ Kihyun thought to himself. _What does home mean to me?_

 _This house? With its_ _tedious_ _walls and_ _painful_ _memories?_ Kihyun shook his head slowly. _No, that’s_ _out of the question_ _. Maybe my CDs, my books? Myself?_ Scoffing all of a sudden, he set the book down. _How can one person’s home be themselves? That’s impossible._ He went still for a moment.

_Perhaps...Hoseok?_

_Hoseok? Hoseok? Why Hoseok?_ Kihyun questioned to himself, beginning to feel the heat of the room. It was getting warmer and warmer but Kihyun could not fathom the source of it . _Could it be Hoseok?_ With realization dawning on him, he found himself knowing that Hoseok could be the only person in his entire life to call home. Hoseok, with his optimistic notions and brilliant self; his ramen and protein addiction; his caring, kind, and generous personality, Kihyun couldn’t be happier that it was Hoseok he could call home.

Closing his eyes, he saw himself once again standing in front of a canvas with the same crusty paintbrush in his hand. Trembling slightly, he raised his right hand to begin to paint a picture; to paint Hoseok.

Hoseok, whom he imagined with soft dark hair that fell on his forehead, hanging over his warm, chocolatey eyes that would be framed with long, delicate lashes. His skin was so pale that it would be almost white, contrasting against his full red lips. He was a stunner for sure.

Kihyun smiled at the complete painting of Hoseok he had envisioned in mind, examining it from head to toe. He was truly lucky to have someone like Hoseok in his life. He truly was.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Why_ _did_ _the government do this to us?_ _What were they thinking?_ Kihyun sighed, running a hand through his hair.  _No, actually, why am I thinking about this_ _rubbish_ _again? There’s no use of asking myself why- I’ll never get the answer_ _anyway_ _._ Kihyun sat on the old, rickety chair next to the kitchen window, still mulling over the heinous government regulations . It was a day just like any other, but for some unknown reason he felt so much more perplexed and tired than usual . Taking in a deep sigh, he felt himself relax against the back of the chair, feeling his eyelids droop from the weight of his exhaustion . Eyes shut, he began to let his thoughts wander. He imagined the town with its citizens free, free to do what they wanted and to leave their houses.  _Why did the government even want to set this plan in the first place? Why would they try to get rid of the town_ _with its bustling people_ _? Was the_ _population too high_ _? Did someone in this town do something_ _so unspeakable_ _that_ _it_ _caused the government to_ _do such a thing_ _? What did they do wrong? Why was it their town, but another town across from them? Why would the officials make them suffer, but agree to all the others?_ Sighing once more, Kihyun slumped down on his seat before resuming his train of thoughts.  _Stupid. I already told myself that there was no use in thinking of this._

 _If people ever left, or figured out a way to leave, what would it be? How would they escape this hell of a place?_ Grabbing and clicking on his pen in frustration, he furrowed his brows.  _Why? Why me? Why would they deprive us of our happiness? What did we do wrong?_ Glaring at his hand, he almost felt bad for the pen clenched tightly in his hold. He was angry. Angry at himself and angry at the government. He was furious at the people in his town who remained obedient, never trying to think of an innovative way to disobey. Then, he stopped.  _Why aren’t you telling that to yourself? You’re asking others why they were being wimps, instead of asking yourself. Why aren’t you leaving?_ Kihyun asked himself, turning his intense gaze at the window instead.  _There isn’t really any way for the people to leave anyways. Might as well not expect much from them._

Grabbing an isolated piece of paper that lay on the coffee table besides him, he started to scrawl angry letters on the plain white surface. He circled the words “Escaping” on the sheet and created a brainstorm web. Paying no heed to the throbbing headache that pounded in his head, he placed his pen on the sheet.  _What could be some ways to escape?_ As he thought to himself, he shifted into a more comfortable position on his chair.

 _Avoiding the gun?_ Kihyun shook his head. Even if he did try to avoid the gun and get past, the government would find out that he had left through his lenses. He wouldn’t even be able to survive a day out there. The lenses would be an incredible bother with his plans. The contact lenses were designed to signal the M47 in front of his house when Kihyun passed the invisible line to fire at where he was located at. It worked like both a GPS for the gun and a spy for the government. Kihyun hated it.

 _Oh fuck_ , he thought to himself, bringing his writing to a halt .  _The government can see everything that I’ve been writing and reading so far. Including the code book._ Groaning with disgust, Kihyun threw his pen down with an exasperated sigh.

_When? When will this end?_

Closing his eyes, Kihyun stared at his brainstorm and moved it into his mind.  _What if the person was blindfolded? Escaping the house with a blindfold on, eyes closed. Would the gun still be activated?_

 _No._ Kihyun argued with himself.  _The contact lenses will always be working, under any circumstance._ With a sigh, Kihyun found himself wishing that he could talk to someone about this. About his constant worries of their situation and his desire to leave.

 _Hoseok._ Straightening his back, Kihyun knew what he could do.  _I’ll go talk to Hoseok. He always gives good advice._

Picking his pen up once more, Kihyun tapped to Hoseok.  _Hoseok?_ After a few minutes of waiting, Hoseok’s reply came shooting back at him in short, quick taps.

_Hey, Kihyun. What’s up? And how are you doing?_

The corner of Kihyun’s lips turned upwards at Hoseok’s greeting, a warm feeling spreading throughout his body.

 _Great_ , he tapped back, still smiling.  _You might be sick of this topic already- I know I am- but… what do you think will happen to us? Regarding the government and its… rules._

There was a slight hesitation.  _I- this is a topic that I really hate talking about._

Kihyun shrunk a little in his seat, sucking in his lower lip in nervousness.  _You don’t have to reply if you’re not comfortable with it_ , he tapped hurriedly.

 _It’s alright_ , Hoseok replied softly.  _Well, I don’t know, we’ll probably all just stay here until we die. What can we do, really?_

 _Well_ , Kihyun thought for a while. Should he tell Hoseok the things that he had been thinking of just now? It wouldn’t hurt, would it? Taking a deep breath, he stole another look at his book before tapping.  _Staying here would be like giving in to the government’s rules, wouldn’t it be? It’s like we’re accepting our fate._

 _Yeah. But what else can we do? If we leave, we die._ Hoseok interrupted, his tapping becoming quicker and quicker.  _Unless you have a way._

Kihyun grinned. This was exactly how he’d planned this talk.  _I might. My father’s tried to leave before._ His smile dropped.  _Obviously it didn’t work. He died._

 _Ah._ Hoseok tapped out hesitantly. Kihyun could hear how slow every tap was, each one dragging behind the other.  _If his ideas didn’t work, why are you still trying? You’ll probably result with the same fate as your father._

 _That’s why I’m not following his path._ Kihyun tapped.  _And I don’t really plan to leave yet. I’m just thinking of the ways that someone could actually leave. So don’t be scared._

 _I’m not scared_ , Hoseok tapped out, worry evident in his words.  _I’m just_ _anxious_ _._

_About what? Me leaving?_

_Yeah. I don’t want you to risk it. Preferably not even think about it, H_ oseok tapped immediately.

 _But don’t you want to leave?_ Kihyun asked.  _I mean, I want to leave, but I’m not going to._

 _Well, yeah, I do want to leave,_ Hoseok tapped back.  _I’ve always wanted to run away from this. I’ve talked to Minhyuk about these kinds of things countless times, but he hates it when I do because he himself is sick and tired of not knowing what to do either._

 _He thinks differently huh?_ Kihyun tapped, an eyebrow raised.

 _Not differently,_ Hoseok tapped back.  _He just accepts that it’s like this. People like him, they can always find something that’ll satisfy them instead. He accepted this_ _about_ _two years ago, when he started painting and drawing. I guess he found something to distract him from thinking about the bare walls_ _of his room all the time_ _._

_Do you have one?_

_What?_

_I mean, do you have something that you’re interested in? Something that makes you forget about this?_ Kihyun asked, his voice bright with curiosity.

 _I think so. Exercising_ , maybe  _? It takes my mind off some things for sure. Sometimes, I write my own music, too,_ Hoseok tapped.  _But of course, I’m not very good so I didn’t tell you at first,_ He added hurriedly.  _I’m_ _quite_ _mediocre at composition._

Kihyun could feel his eyes widen with surprise.  _You can write songs?_

 _Yeah I guess?_ Hoseok replied, his tapping becoming slower and slower.  _I asked the government for a guitar. It was tough to_ _articulate_ _words for the e-letter, but it worked, I guess. I had gotten the guitar and started composing as a hobby once I had taught myself with the book that they had also sent along._

 _The government also sent a book?_ Kihyun laughed out at that. It was hilarious. The government would never do something so considerate.

 _Yeah they did,_ Hoseok tapped back.  _Weird right? They were the ones who wanted us to die in this town, yet they’re doing all these things for Minhyuk and I._

 _For both you and Minhyuk?_ Kihyun tapped back, setting his code book aside. He didn’t really need that heavy thing so often anymore.

_Minhyuk asked for paints. A few brushes, some canvases, pencils and all that art stuff. I don’t know, he just asked for a lot of_ _art supplies_ _and_ _he_ _got them._

_Oh, that’s cool._ Kihyun tapped. Maybe he could ask the government for some CDs. He could sing along, or maybe ask for a recorder. A microphone, perhaps?

 _Yeah it really is. There’s probably someone in the government who felt bad for us. Someone who controls all the flood of requests? They probably felt bad for locking us here._ Hoseok tapped.

 _Them? Feeling bad for us?_ Kihyun snorted out loud at that idea.  _They would never. I don’t think they felt_ _any sympathy_ _when my mother died because of the lack of medical attention. I don’t think they felt_ _any worse_ _when my father died_ _just_ _because he wanted freedom. Heck, I don’t even think that they felt bad when Hyungwon and I went our separate ways. I could’ve had a best friend like you and Minhyuk, yet_ _now_ _I_   _can never. Plus-_

 _You can._ Hoseok tapped, interrupting Kihyun mid-tap.  _You have me. You’ll always have me, for a fact. I might not be able to fill the part of your parents, but I’m sure that I can be close to you._

Kihyun smiled to himself, a light blush dusting his cheekbones. He felt giddy, excited even, at the thought that Hoseok cared so much for him.

 _Thank you Hoseok,_ He tapped in reply, the smile unable to leave his face.  _Really, thank you._

 _There’s nothing else that I’d like to do than this_ _,_  Hoseok tapped back softly.  _Thank you for being here._

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

 

Hoseok stared down at his own hands, a tiny smile beginning to peek onto his face. These hands; he couldn’t help but marvel at their potential. It was with these hands he could meet Kihyun, talk to him, maybe even find a way to leave- Hoseok’s thoughts came to a halt as his hands began to tremble. He didn’t know why. Was it excitement? Fear, at the very thought of freedom? He took a deep breath as he calmed himself, a feeling of satisfaction beginning to settle in his stomach.

 _At least I know I’m not alone in this_ , Hoseok thought, looking back at his conversation with Kihyun. They had quite a bit in common, huh? His stomach leaped a little at the thought, his smile lifting even higher. The future seemed slightly more positive. Maybe Kihyun was the key to getting his hope back.

He stood up suddenly and quickly made his way to his bedroom, stopping at his window. Sitting down, he picked up his pen and made a few taps.

_Minhyuk_ _?_

There was silence.

Hoseok paid it no attention. Surely, he’d reply in a few minutes at most. He sat there as time passed above his head, waiting and waiting.

Two minutes had passed, and there was that emptiness in the air yet again.

Hoseok cocked his head to the side, furrowing his brows. It usually didn’t take Minhyuk this long to reply. Was he napping? Most likely, it was in the afternoon. Was he taking a shower? Why would he take a shower in the afternoon? Hoseok sighed, his mind drifting away from focus. Before he knew it, 10 minutes had passed, Coming to the realization, he shot up from his slouching position and frantically typed.

_Minhyuk? Where are you? Are you okay?_

A few short moments passed and Hoseok’s unease heightened until finally, his taps were returned.

_Hoseok! I’m really sorry! I was working on a new painting with my leftover supplies- I’m sorry, were you worried?_

Slightly dazed, Hoseok tapped out a reply.

_I… what? You were working on a painting? I thought you’d ran out?_

_No- I said leftover supplies, Hoseok._

_Oh_ , he thought, berating himself mentally. Now more alert, he quickly tapped back.

_Oh- oh, I see. Jesus, Minhuyk, I thought you’d died._ _Don’t do this to me next time!_

There was a silence from the other side. Hoseok could almost hear Minhyuk laugh, that clear bubbling sound ringing in his head.

 _Scaredy-cat._ Hoseok could visualize Minhyuk smirking at him and pouted.  _Anyways, what’s up?_

_I was talking with Kihyun earlier-_

_Really? Do tell._

Hoseok smiled at Minhyuk’s earnesty, proceeding to tell him about their conversation.

_We have so much in common- I don’t know, it just makes me really happy to know that._ _Did you know that he also wanted to leave? He’s thinking of ways to! But I told him not to, because I didn’t want him to risk his life like his father did._

He finished tapping, waiting for Minhyuk’s reply, but he received nothing but silence.

 _Minhyuk?_ _Are still here? Where did y-_  Hoseok began to tap, but trailed off amidst his realization.

 _Oh no_ , he thought, freezing as he felt his stomach sink.  _Oh no oh no oh no-_

 _I’m an idiot._ He thought, reaching out to the window, his hands trembling.

_Minhyuk, I’m so sorry, I completely forgot you hate talking about this_

_It’s fine._

Hoseok was slightly stunned by his sudden reply, but nonetheless he continued.

_No, Minhyuk, it’s not fine. Don’t pretend that it is. What I said hurt you, and I’m really sorry about it. I won’t talk about it ever again._

There was another silence from the other side, until finally, Minhyuk replied.

 _It’s really fine._ Minhyuk paused for a short while.  _Buuuuut, since you insist..._ _Promise?_

Hoseok smiled. There was Minhyuk again.

_Promise._

Flexing his fingers, he picked up the pen again and decided to change the topic.

_Anyways, Minhyuk, how’s your painting coming along? Tell me about it._

As Minhyuk responded, Hoseok could hear his pace quickenning with excitement, heavily in contrast with his dismal tone earlier. He smiled slightly at the thought.

_Well… because I didn’t have a lot of supplies left, my ideas were pretty restricted. I had to paint a picture without white- without white! It’s not really my favourite colour but I can’t deny that it’s absolutely essential for painting._ _I couldn’t lighten the colours or use it to help blend different shades together._

Hoseok chuckled slightly, trying to imagine a painting without white in it. But it was Minhyuk’s painting, of course it would look good.

_How did that turn out? And what did you draw?_

_Well, I painted- I tried, emphasis on “tried” to paint a sunflower. Now you may be thinking- Minhyuk, you’re so dumb, why would you try to draw a sunflower when you don’t have white? I don’t know either. But I did it. It’s a rather gloomy sunflower, but it still looks pretty cool._

At this point, Hoseok couldn’t stop laughing. He loved how easily Minhyuk could make him laugh; it was one of the treasures of their friendship.

_I really wish I could see it, Min._

_I bet you do._

Trying to compose himself, he replied,  _Are you done the painting yet?_

_Not quite, but I will be soon. I just need to add some final touches- a little bit more shading, maybe? I can’t add highlights without white, but maybe another pastel could pass?_

_Man, I hope your supplies come soon. It would suck to not be able to paint bright pictures anymore, especially for you, Minhyuk. Is this sunflower the first gloomy picture you’ve painted in your entire life?_

_Hmm, maybe_ , Minhyuk replied. Hoseok’s face felt sore from smiling so much, but he didn’t regret it. He was so thankful to have Minhyuk as a friend- he really was.

_Minhyuk, you know I can’t do anything without you, right?_

There was a small silence before Minhyuk replied.

_Yeah, so you’d better not leave me._

Hoseok felt himself hesitate before tapping, but he didn’t know why.

_I won’t._

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

 

Kihyun sat against the headboard of his bed, thinking to himself as he watched the clock across from him tick incessantly. Something was bothering him. There was this strange feeling sitting in his gut, stirring and kindling to the point where Kihyun couldn’t even fall asleep.

Hugging a pillow, he tried to filter out the feeling- if that was even possible- but no matter what he tried it would not leave him. Heaving a sigh, he slid down and tried to fall asleep again. Nonetheless, it was useless. The strange feeling poked at him, pestering him until he could no longer take it. He groaned and got up, trudging to the bathroom to splash his face with water. Maybe that was what he needed. Maybe it just a weird and stuffy day- they do happen, do they?

 _It’s December, Kihyun, what are you thinking?_ He thought as he splashed the water onto his face.

 _That didn’t help at all_ , Kihyun thought as he stared at his reflection, water dripping from his chin and falling onto the countertop. Frustrated, he wiped his face with a towel and stormed back to his bedroom. Flopping onto the mattress, he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to force himself to sleep. A few minutes passed and he found himself tossing and turning at the thought of Hoseok.

 _Hoseok? Why Hoseok? Why is he bothering me so much?_ The questions were drumming into his head, demanding to be answered. Kihyun groaned again and tried to think of something else. Anything else. What about the toast he had in the morning? There was nothing special about it, it was just plain old toast. Maybe he should have spread some butter on it. Did Hoseok like butter?                             

 _Shut up, Kihyun_.

Whining, he stuffed his face into his pillow and tried to fall asleep. Upon realizing that he could not breathe, he turned his head and stared at the ceiling.

_It’s going to be a long night, isn’t it?_

 


	6. Pwysigrwydd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun’s eyes widened, not expecting to receive that answer. A strange, fluttering sensation filled him and he felt warm, almost bright. "You’re important to me too, Hoseokkie."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hewwo!!!
> 
> [@nana](https://twitter.com/ateexzm)   
>  [@dan](https://twitter.com/_flowerchae_)

 

December 18th, 2061 

 

Minhyuk couldn’t focus. There was an unsettling feeling that he just couldn’t shake. He had tried to ignore it, but looking at his gray fingers almost completely dusted with charcoal, it was evident that simply ignoring it was not going to work. He didn’t understand why his hands were trembling so _violently_ for no reason at all, and it most certainly didn’t help that every line he tried to draw turned into what resembled the tentacle of an extremely intoxicated octopus. 

 _Where did I even draw that example from?_ Minhyuk knitted his brows together, eyes still fixed on his fingers. Each mistake painted a new layer of charcoal onto his skin, but Minhyuk should have gotten used to it by now. How long had he been drawing with charcoal? And when was the new package going to come, too? Minhyuk, along with everybody else he knew, couldn’t be bothered to trust the government enough to send his supplies in a reasonable timeframe, but still, he remained hopeful. Set aside on Minhyuk’s desk was a worn-down stub of charcoal that he had been using earlier. 

 _Alright, Minhyuk, you can do this. Just- think of something else, okay?_ He shook his head, sighing. If he couldn’t even draw the base, how many times would he mess up while trying to paint? He couldn’t just brush off the paint with his hand- and painting over would simply lead to more mistakes. Despite everything, he picked up the charcoal and held it to the canvas again.

Frustrated, he tried to still his trembling hand, but to no avail, the shaking did not cease. _One stroke at a time_ , he thought, trying to focus on his artwork. It was no use. He leaned back, staring at the piece, and sighed in dissatisfaction. He was wrong, he couldn’t do this. Setting down his charcoal once more, he stood up and walked into his room. He made his way in and sat on the corner of his bed, crossing his legs into a pensive position.

Something within him felt slightly unstable, on the verge of tipping over any second. It was something he didn’t want to confront but knew begrudgingly that he had to. Bringing out his charcoal dusted hands, he stared down at them once more.

_What is it, Minhyuk? What’s bothering you? Why can’t you draw?_

His mind felt hazy and cluttered, but there was one word that couldn’t help but echo throughout the walls of his head: Hoseok. Why? He couldn’t quite wrap his head around it. Hoseok was his best friend. His only friend. One of the most important people in his life. What about him was troubling him to such an extent? He tried to think back to their conversation the day before- was it something that happened there? What did they even talk about?

Minhyuk furrowed his brows, trying to extract every aspect of that conversation and analyzing them. 

Was it Kihyun? No, he didn’t really have a problem with Kihyun anymore. Hoseok still talked to him regularly and it wasn’t like he was completely ignoring him for Kihyun anymore.  What else was it the-

The realization struck Minhyuk suddenly, washing over his conscience like a wave. 

 _It’s because he brought up the- I- ah._ The trembling grew stronger as his thoughts struggled purposelessly against the heavy truth. Looking up, he swept his eyes across his room. There was a little nightstand whose brown had faded with age. There was a tiny lamp that stood-

 _No, Minhyuk, you have to face it. You can’t distract yourself from this forever. You_ \- _you-_ standing up, he hurried into the bathroom in a desperate attempt to do exactly what he had just told himself not to do. He turned on the tap, leaving dashes of charcoal on the metal, and thrust his hands upon the water that shot down. Scrubbing manically, his eyes were fixed on his hands that became whiter by the minute. He had to get them clean, didn’t he? Getting the dust everywhere didn’t seem like a good idea. Shutting off the tap, he grabbed a towel from the rack and dried his still shaking hands. 

He returned to his room with slightly damp but clean hands. Sitting down on the bed, he stared emptily at his bookcase until the discomfort settles in again and poked at him in a way that was almost maddening. 

 _Dear god, Minhyuk, just stop thinking, will you?_ He clamped his hands over his ears in an attempt to block out his thoughts. Falling back onto his bed, he brought his knees up to his chest and tried his best to shift his mind to someplace else. What did he eat this morning? He’d heated up some kimbap from last night since his parents were still asleep. There was also a bowl of ramen in the fridge but Minhyuk didn’t feel like eating it so he didn’t heat it up. Maybe Hoseok would have liked it. The moment Hoseok’s name came to mind, the barrier Minhyuk had built for himself to counter his thoughts was broken. 

_Accept it, Minhyuk. Hoseok’s going to leave one day and you’ll have no control over it._

Minhyuk’s entire body froze at that. It had finally set in- the truth that he had been avoiding for so long. 

_Oh god, he’s really going to leave-_

_No, Minhyuk, calm yourself down, think rationally. Let’s reason first, okay?_

He took a breath.

_First of all, why would Hoseok even leave? Where does he even want to go? He’s not stupid, he wouldn’t just run away like that._

He turned over, facing his window.

_But what if he tries to go to my or Kihyun’s house? No, he’s just be going back into confinement and there would be no point, unless…_

He squeezed his eyes shut as he confronted it.

_There’s something going him between him and Kihyun. I don’t know what it is, nor do I really want to butt in. But what if Hoseok finally loses it and tries to go to Kihyun’s house?_

_Will I have to convince him?_

It was still a difficult topic to talk about, even just the confinement in general. For far too long had he distracted himself by using his surroundings, his art supplies, and his talents. Despite having taken deep breaths, they were still shaky and unstable. I rolled back onto his back and covered his face with his hands.

_Minhyuk, you have to face it. You can’t run away forever, god, you’ve already done that for long enough._

He uncovered his face and stared at the ceiling, wide-eyed as he threw himself at the forefront of the conflict within him.

_You’ll stay here, in this very house forever if you don’t do anything. So will everyone. So will Hoseok, unless he goes to Kihyun’s house and finally meets him. And then-_

His eyes widened even further at another jarring realization- if he did try to escape to Kihyun’s house, which was likely, that meant that…

 _No- I’ll never be able to talk with him again._ Suddenly, the silence increased, becoming oppressive as he embraced the words in his head.

 _No, of course he wouldn’t do that._ His breath was becoming shakier by the second, trying to convince himself that the compelling truth in his mind was in fact, false.

_There would be one house between us… would he really sacrifice talking to me to meet Kihyun? Or would Kihyun go to his house instead? Would he do that? Would he care enough about Hoseok to do that?_

_I wouldn’t know, I’m not nearly as familiar with him as Hoseok is._

Taking breaths didn’t seem to work so he decided to count as he held it. 

_One, two, three._

Letting it go, Minhyuk revelled at the sudden peace that followed within him.   
  


🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚 

 

“When will I ever stop thinking?” Kihyun grumbled under his breath as he lay lazily on his bed. It was another one of those days where he couldn’t find anything else to do except cleaning the same piece of furniture over and over again. But that didn’t help his boredom either and the cleaning chemicals made his head hurt. As a last resort, he flung himself onto his bed and started to let his thoughts wander once more. 

Sometimes, thinking too much was annoying. It was the constant flow of ideas and thoughts that had him groaning with despair, as it travelled across his mind. It was like the annoying buzz of a bumblebee or the soft pitter-patter of rain against the windows, falling steadfast and incessant. Letting his thoughts overtake him was almost as frustrating as seeing his plain beige walls every time he opened his eyes. 

Today, however, was different. Kihyun allowed his thoughts to fill his head as he wondered about the simplest yet deepest things. Resting back, he brought attention to his emotions and feelings. 

Why was he thinking about this in the first place? Kihyun wasn’t so sure why either. He’d been staring at the fogged-up window connecting to the next house for a while already as if it gave the answers to the questions he’d been asking himself. 

A soft clang breaks the peaceful silence as Kihyun felt himself tense up. _What was that?_ Curious, Kihyun hurried out of his room and into the kitchen. _It was an ungodly hour, why would Hoseok be awake?_

Taking a seat by the familiar kitchen window, Kihyun leaned forward in anticipation to hear more. 

A few minutes passed and there was no one. Tired, Kihyun tapped onto the window glass instead. _Hoseok? Was that you?_

 _Oh? Oh oh yeah. That was me haha._ Hoseok immediately tapped back, as if flustered.

 _Why are you up this early?_ Kihyun asked, _Shouldn’t you be asleep right now?_

_Yeah but I couldn’t fall asleep. What about you? Why are you still awake?_

_Same reason._ Kihyun tapped, smiling gently. _I had too many thoughts. It often doesn’t let me rest, haha._

 _Ah,_ Hoseok drummed out slowly. _What were some of the thoughts? Do you want to tell them to me so I can help you with some? So that you don’t have to go back to bed still thinking about it?_

Kihyun laughed, his smile widening on his face. Hoseok was truly very sweet. _No Hoseokkie, it’s fine._ Kihyun taped reassuringly. _They aren’t very important._

 _Don’t say that! They are all important,_ Hoseok tapped back. _Especially since it’s from you._

 _From me?_ Kihyun thought to himself, his cheeks starting to hurt from grinning. _I’m important?_ He tapped slyly.

A short silence followed and Kihyun panicked over his reply. _Yeah. You are,_ Hoseok tapped with embarrassment. 

Kihyun’s eyes widened, not expecting to receive that answer. A strange, fluttering sensation filled him and he felt warm, almost bright. _You’re important to me too, Hoseokkie._

 

 

As Kihyun slipped into his bed covers once more after a short chat with Hoseok, the covers were freezing and uninviting, sending a shiver down his spine. His hands felt numb from the cold and his breath came out in quick, sharp puffs of air that were visible against the moonlight-splashed room. Curling himself into a ball to keep the warmth, Kihyun closed his eyes tightly and took in a deep breath. Despite the cold, he felt warm inside, like as if someone had lit a furnace inside him. The feeling was licking up everywhere around him and he felt warmhearted. Behind his eyelids, he could envision dark-haired Hoseok smiling gently at him, his eyes filled to the brim with kindness and comfort. 

Hoseok was a kind soul, caring and warm. The way he expressed himself made him appear humble, his taps soft and understandable. He was patient with Kihyun, with his inability to tap quickly and his emotions. He worried for Kihyun and Minhyuk, cared for them and their contentedness more than his own. He was selfless, understanding, and gentle. 

Feeling his covers become warmer and warmer, Kihyun shifted his weight from the left side to the right side, allowing his legs to uncurl. _Hoseok is truly someone special,_ Kihyun thought to himself, eyes remaining closed. _I am_ _so,_ _incredibly lucky to have met him and have him let me be part of his world._

Thinking about Hoseok created a weird sensation within him and the more he thought about the beautiful, kind boy, the more he felt safe and warm. It was like as if Hoseok was his energy source that provided him with light. It was as if he was the protector and Kihyun relied on him to save him. Hoseok made him feel safe, comforted, special and happy. 

 _But what if one day Hoseok disappears? What if he decides to leave the town? Whether he succeeds or not, he’ll still be gone, wouldn’t he?_ Kihyun shivered, feeling the sudden gust of coldness entering his once warm blankets. Wrapping his arms together, Kihyun came to a realization. He relied on Hoseok for happiness. Hoseok was the only person who could make him feel sugar and spice at the same time, the only person who could make Kihyun spend so much time thinking over. Hoseok was the sole person who ever made Kihyun laugh, the only person who made Kihyun feel warm.

 _Maybe it’s because Hoseok’s the only person you’ll ever meet,_ Kihyun thought to himself, disagreeing with all his other thoughts. _There isn’t anyone else. Maybe that’s why you’re so enraptured with him._

That could perhaps be the solution to the problem. Yet, Hoseok still made him feel like home, even if home wasn’t with him. 

Home.

 _Unless…_ Kihyun wavered off, shutting out the thought. _Could I be…in love?_

A long silence ensued and Kihyun’s head started to shut down. With finality, he told himself otherwise. 

_No. I’m not in love with him. And I won’t be._  
  
  
  


You couldn’t deny there was some kind of magic in small talk, especially when small talk itself was such a difficulty in a world where you couldn’t even meet people. Of course, there were always your family members, but for Kihyun, that wasn’t exactly an option. But who knew that he could be saved from spiralling into a life of loneliness and very possible insanity? Especially by a neighbour who he didn’t even know existed until about two and a half weeks ago. In fact, two and a half weeks ago he wouldn’t have even been able to imagine him now, sitting at his windowsill and discussing their favourite foods in Morse code with his next-door neighbour.

Seriously? Just toast? Your mornings must be pretty boring, Kihyun.

Smiling, Kihyun tapped his reply. Although he could hold the letters quite well in his memories, his taps were still relatively slow and unsteady.

I’m a simple person. What do you like to eat for breakfast?

I’ve told you already- I like protein shakes. I drink them nearly every morning, Hoseok replied, equally as soft.

I didn’t think you’d only drink protein shakes! Kihyun tapped back, his eyes widening. One beverage wouldn’t make you so full, would it? Wouldn’t you need bread, carbs, or even fruits?

Nah, Hoseok tapped out slowly. Fruits have sugar in them. Carbs...I don’t feel good when I eat them in the morning.

Really? Kihyun tapped. He’d never heard of someone who didn’t like eating bread during the mornings. Kihyun survived on his bread. Also, fruits have natural sugar in them. The sugar is beneficial for you. It’s not like pure white sugar, which having too much can cause problems, but I’m sure you already knew that.

Yeah yeah, I know. I think I’ve gotten used to drinking only protein shakes. I’ve been drinking them for a while already, and if I try to eat more, my stomach just doesn’t accept it anymore, Hoseok tapped with finality. It’s alright though, I eat a lot during the rest of my meals so it’s fine.

I get it, Kihyun tapped, leaning back and letting himself melt against the warmth of the chair. That’s me with dinner. I never eat too much at night, and it’s turned into something that I always do now.

Yeah right? Besides all these food stuff, what would you be in the future if you were again in another life?

Ooooh, Kihyun tapped, feeling intrigued. It was a great question. I don’t know, probably be a freelance photographer? I want to take pictures of pretty things, like flowers or people. If not, I would be a singer!

A photographer huh? Hoseok tapped back. You’d take pictures of pretty things? Do you do that now? Like I mean, is there anything you’re interested in taking pictures of in your house?

In my house? Kihyun laughed. As if. There’s really nothing interesting here. I’d be taking pictures of the same aspects and objects, there’s really not much.

Huh, makes sense. Hoseok tapped back softly. What about singing? What songs do you sing? Do you make your own?

Yeah I do! I learn a few from my mother’s old CDs, some songs that she used to sing to me. Kihyun’s expression turned wistful as he thought of the past and the freedom of it. Besides those, I compose as well. I write the lyrics first, then I compose the background music. Remember that guitar? I use that as an accompaniment. I have a few songs written so far, Kihyun added shyly. They aren’t very good though.

Nonsense, Hoseok tapped out loudly. It’s by you, why wouldn’t it be good?

Kihyun blushed, feeling the heat rise to his ears, the familiar sensation in his stomach once more. Shush, He tapped, embarrassed. I’m not good, truly. What about you? What would you be doing in the future, in another lifetime?

I would most likely be a dancer! Or...Hoseok hesitated. I don’t actually know much about dancing, because I’ve never learned it, but I remember watching dancers dance when I was young and wanting to be like them.

And then?

And then? What and then? Hoseok tapped out in confusion.

Well, I feel like you also would want to be someone else too. Which is that?

Ah Kihyunnie, Hoseok tapped out. So smart. I want to also be a producer! You were talking about writing your own songs, and it piqued my interest even more. I really love music too, but I just don’t have the equipment or anything to make music with. If I were alive in another lifetime, I’d be composing pretty songs for famous artists.

We’re a nice match, Kihyun tapped out, feeling his excitement rise. It was truly amazing to have met someone who shared the same interests as him. You’d compose and I’d sing.

Are you suggesting something? Hoseok tapped back mischievously, amusement lacing his soft taps.

Oh no! No no no, haha, Kihyun tapped, flustered. I don’t mean it like that haha.

I thought so too. Hoseok tapped back, quieter now.

Anyways...Kihyun trailed off, fingers hesitating to tap. I’ve always had this question...I don’t know if I should ask or not.

Go ahead, Hoseok tapped out. I don’t mind. Shoot.

Well then… Dread filled Kihyun as he paused, almost sensing what was going to happen. You never mention your father...Do you have one, perhaps?

A long silence ensued as Kihyun fiddled with his fingers as he waited anxiously for the reply, chewing on his lower lip out of uneasiness. He didn’t know if Hoseok would reply. What if he was angry at Kihyun for asking? What if he thought that Kihyun was being to0 inconsiderate?

To answer your question...Hoseok tapped out slowly, his taps so soft that Kihyun almost couldn't hear him. I don’t have a father.

Oh. Kihyun froze. He was being inconsiderate. Nevertheless, he continued.

Wait why?

You dumbass, you can’t ask those kinds of questions! Do you want to lose Hoseok as a friend? Kihyun ignored the voice at the back of his head, urging him to rethink his decision. It would be alright.

Because I just don’t have one? Hoseok replied, confusion evident.

Oh, Kihyun didn’t think twice. But...wouldn’t you know the reason why you don’t have a father?

Kihyun. Hoseok tapped, the sound loud and deafening, filling the quietness of his room. Stop. Stop talking. Or tapping, I don’t know, just stop.

Kihyun inhaled through his nose and released the breathe, his heart quickening, not in a good way. Fuck. Hoseok sounded angry, and was probably. He was going to die.

Do you hear yourself? Do you realize how obnoxious you sound? Really, are you really that thoughtless? Did you ask with a purpose? Did you ask to know more about me or to hurt my feelings and ruin the way I looked at you? Hoseok tapped angrily and quickly, so quick that Kihyun almost couldn’t understand his codes.

Kihyun tensed, fearing what would come next. Oh so now you’re afraid. The voice at the back of his head said jeeringly, laughing cruelly at him. What were you doing a few minutes ago?

After a short pause, Hoseok resumed. Kihyun I hate to ask you this, but do you not want to be my friend? Is that why you’re acting like this? Did I do something wrong?

No! Kihyun interrupted Hoseok loudly, his eyes wide. It’s my fault, I’m sorry. It’s not that I didn’t want to be your friend…

A silence longer than the first appeared. It’s just what? What do you want to say, Kihyun?

Kihyun. Not Kihyunnie. Kihyun felt himself deflate and glared down at his hands. All he was good at was to ruin the mood and say the wrong things. Why didn’t I stop myself before?

Anyways...Hoseok broke the awkward silence that filled the empty rooms. My mom’s calling me. I need to go. See you.

Already? Kihyun thought to himself, brushing a tired hand through his hair. Of course.

See you, Hoseok. I’m sorry.

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

Hyungwon had always enjoyed waking up to the sun shining on his face during the warmer seasons. Even in early autumn, the sun was still warm enough to unthaw the coldness of his house. That was why he hated waking up whenever winter came. To him, there was nothing more unpleasant than opening his eyes to a sky of gray. Dull, deafening gray. With the absence of the sun accompanied once more his deep-rooted sense of loneliness. But who wouldn’t be lonely, especially in this society? He snorted at the very thought. Today was just another day of pointlessly lying on his bed, eyes fixed on the dull gray ceiling.

Everything is gray, huh? Hyungwon’s eyes moved to his window. Although it was nearly conjoined with his neighbour’s window, he could still catch glimpses of the sky from his bed.

I wonder what would happen if- his train of thought was broken by a sharp knock on his door. Groaning, he turned to the direction away from the door.

“Hyungwon? Can I come in?” His mother’s voice was slightly muffled through the door, but Hyungwon could hear the poorly-masked desperation. Sighing, he couldn’t help but wish he had gotten a lock installed in that door before the government had made it so that no one could actually come into his house to install one.

Greeting her with silence, he thought, She’ll come in any minute now. He wasn’t wrong. Moments later, he heard the knob turn, followed by the menacing creak of the door that dragged for what felt like an eternity.

“Hyungwon-ah.”

He could hear a slight shuffle behind his doorway- was his father here, too?

“Look at me.”

Defiant, he refused to budge.

“I’m serious, Hyungwon.”

Maybe it was how firm and stony she’d sounded, but Hyungwon felt himself turn around against his own volition.

What his eyes met was something he hadn’t prepared himself for. There, in the doorway was his mother, his father poking out behind her. There was something eerily indecipherable in her eyes that sent chills straight down his spine.

“Pull yourself up. We need to talk.” Her words were icy too. Hyungwon turned away, refusing to speak.

“Sit. Now. That’s an order.” He could hear the frown in her voice. Despite the uncontrollable urge to defy her yet again, he knew that he would achieve nothing but more dissatisfaction. And he didn’t need that, did he? He most definitely did not. Pulling himself up with a slight groan, he turned around and crossed his legs while giving his mother a slight scowl.

“What is it?” He bit out, faltering slightly at the last word as he realized how harsh he’d sounded. His mother, however, didn’t seem to notice.

Heaving a sigh, his mother pursed her lips and stared right back at him. “We have a lot to talk about. Firstly, you can’t continue on like this, holed up in your room and only eating one meal all day. You’ll wither up like a skeleton and-”

“And? Do you have anything more important to talk about? You said there was a lot,” Hyungwon cut her off sharply, trying to neutralize his tone as much as possible.

His mother seemed exasperated at his comment but seemed to decide not to touch on it any further.

Wise choice, mom, he thought.

“Hyungwon-ah, you know why we changed, right? Do you know?” Her expression grew soft as she spoke, the lines on her forehead fading slightly.

Hyungwon closed his eyes as he rolled them, exhaling. “Because you couldn’t ‘deal with it’? The change?”

She averted her eyes for the first time since she’d walked in, which was particularly noticeable as Hyungwon could no longer feel her eyes burn into his.

“Not just that. I- At that time, I was-,” she stopped abruptly, pursing her lips again. “I’m sorry, Hyungwon, I can’t do this. We’ll move on to the next thing.”

He rolled his eyes again, but this time he didn’t try to hide it.

“We,” she stole a glance at his father as she spoke, “need to leave this house within a week. So we all need to start packing.”

Hyungwon blinked. “What?”

“I said, we are leaving this house.”

His mother was staring right at him again, her expression stony once more.

She’s not joking, Hyungwon thought. Leaving the house? That had really thrown him off.

“What do you mean we’re leaving the house? You know what happens when you leave the house- don’t you remember what happened to our neighbour? Do you want to die?” Hyungwon’s breathing was uneven, his mind jumbled up from the surprise. What was she thinking?

“Whatever, fine by me,” he muttered under his breath, but his mother heard him nonetheless. Her expression grew from stony to hurt, and Hyungwon felt a tiny twinge of guilt grow from within when he saw.

“No- well-,” his mother stammered. As he watched his mother struggle, the hole of guilt inside him grew even larger.

“The government needs us to be at their headquarters within a week,” she managed as she regained her composure.

Hyungwon found his brain overflowing with questions despite struggling to process all the news. Shaking his head slightly, he replied, his tone incredulous, “But why? Why would they suddenly need us after cutting off our access to the world? It doesn’t seem like they needed us when they locked us in here like animals in a cage.”

“I’m not sure either,” his mother said, turning towards his father as he handed a small tablet to her. “It just sent an e-letter telling us that our family was requested.”

Huh? Hyungwon was even more confused at this point.

“Here,” she passed the tablet to Hyungwon. “Read it.”

Hyungwon took it into his hands, squinting slightly at the screen.

To the Chae family,

You have been requested to go to the government headquarters within the span of a week. Everything will be explained when you arrive. Do not fear, from now till the end of the week the gun at your front door has been disabled and you are allowed to step out of your house. There will be a van to pick you up that will send you straight to headquarters. Please be packed until then.

Sincerely,  
  
Your Government

As Hyungwon finished reading, he felt his eyebrows furrow with confusion. What did he just read? Why exactly did the government need them?

Everything will be explained when you arrive? Ridiculous.

“Are you done?”

Hyungwon looked up to see his mother still staring at him.

“Yeah,” he muttered, handing the tablet back to her, “it’s very vague and even kind of ominous. If we had a choice, I wouldn’t go. But we don’t, do we?”

His mother heaved another sigh and nodded, “That’s why you might want to start packing right now. I’m sure the government knows we have a son and they’d definitely notice if you didn’t go.”

Hyungwon froze at the word son.

Son, he thought, when was I ever their son? A slight tremor that was all too familiar began to run through his hands. He took a shaky breath and said nothing.

Noting his silence, his mother stepped back and beckoned at his father to leave with her. Finally, they shut his door and left nothing but silence once again to accompany Hyungwon.

Slowly, he turned his head to face the window, gazing into the sky.

Still gray, huh?

Sighing, he tried to think Maybe this is your chance to get out, he thought, You might see something you’ve never seen before.

Spinning back around, Hyungwon’s eyes met with4 the rack where his clothes hung.

They never specified how long we’d be there, he thought, letting out an exasperated breath, I don’t even know how much I need to pack.

He didn’t have a lot of clothing- obviously, there was never an occasion where he needed to dress up.

Might as well take it all with me, he figured. He was about to stand up before he realized that he did not have a bag or a suitcase or anything really to fit his clothes into. The most likely spot where he could find one was the living room where they stored numerous things his parents had bought before they had him.

Do I have the energy to see them again right now? Probably not. Hyungwon let himself fall back onto the mattress, feeling light and weightless for two short moments before greeting the covers once more.

How has my life come to this point, he thought lazily as he let his eyes flutter shut. All alone, with a world of distance between me and my parents, the only people who I can actually talk to.

How pathetic must I look right now?

He turned over, mirroring the position he had started in an hour ago before his parents had come into his room. This is great. Hyungwon groaned, taking in a deep breath. Just as I want to leave, I leave. People even want me to leave. My mother. She was so happy when she received it. That was most likely why she tried to treat me well these last few days. They don’t love you, Hyungwon.

But that’s not true. They did and they still do. Hyungwon chuckled bitterly at his own thoughts as he tried to convince himself otherwise. Reflecting back, he saw himself as a little boy, pushing his parents away simply because he didn’t want them to hover around him. He saw himself yelling at his parents, telling them hurtful words and building walls around him that they’d never dared to break.

Did Hyungwon regret making all these decisions? Yes, yes he did. He regretted them so much it hurt. It isolated him from his family and it never allowed him to be fully happy, or even at all. It took away the chances and time that he could’ve had with his family before he left. Yet, he acted like a moody teenager who’d never stopped experiencing puberty.

Kihyun, too, he thought, why was I so upset when he’d first tried to contact me? Why couldn’t I just be glad that he was simply making an effort? Why was I so spiteful when he was risking his life trying to contact me?

As his thoughts overwhelmed him, he felt his own thorny despair prickle its way deep into his heart. If only he could talk to Kihyun one more time, to tell him about everything and to thank him for everything. A single tear slipped out of Hyungwon’s eyes as his mind sunk into a sleepy haze, taking him far, far, away.


	7. Cosb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where are we going? What are you doing? Why aren’t my parents with me?” Hyungwon said in a trembling voice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hyungbebes, we're truly very sorry :(
> 
> [@nana](https://twitter.com/ateexzm)   
>  [@dan](https://twitter.com/_flowerchae_)

December 20th, 2061.

It’s too bright. Hyungwon rubbed at his eyes with languor as he rolled onto the other side of the bed, exposing his back to the window. A sliver of sunlight had shone on his back, making the thick blankets he was cocooned under, heat up. Then, the realization hit him- it’s sunny. A fleeting sense of joy bubbled up within him as he turned to face the sun, his eyes still closed. Expecting the blast of warmth that would greet him as he turned, Hyungwon smiled slightly, feeling content.

Something was wrong, though. There was a tiny amount of doubt nestled in his mind that seemed to poke at him incessantly. Hyungwon felt his brows furrow as he opened his eyes. The room was still fairly dim as the curtains were closed, but there were still fragments of light peeking through the cracks. A rush of energy greeted him as he threw back his covers, swinging his legs over the bed and standing up despite the sudden shock of cold air that had just hit him. Wobbling slightly, he made his way to his window, reached out, and swept his curtains to the side. Hyungwon’s mind went blank for a moment. Maybe it was the incredulous amount of excitement that had built up inside him, expecting to see fluffy, cotton candy-like clouds painted across a vast sky of blue. He could not quite believe it as his eyes fell upon the same gray sky as they did every morning.

He groaned as he felt his excitement start to deflate, sizzling until it became a pathetic puddle of nothing. He felt a twinge of humiliation at how exhilarated he had been at the very thought of sunshine, just to open his blinds to another cloudy day

How foolish, Hyungwon, he thought, shaking his head. His eyes travelled to a calendar to his left as he continues, It’s the 20th. Did you really think the sun would come out the day before Winter Solstice? The coldest day of the year?

Dejected, he trudged back to his bed and sat down, suddenly feeling the overwhelming urge to crawl back into his bed. The chilling air that had been deflected by his excitement came swarming back at him. He pulled his covers over him once more, sighing at the toastiness that welcomed him with a warm embrace

Just as he was about to delve back into his sleepy state, he heard a sharp knock on his door.

“Fucking hell,” he muttered, “Leave me alone, mom.”

A few moments of silence passed before he heard his doorknob turn, followed by a long, creaking sound.

“Hyungwon?” The voice sounded painfully sharp, especially since what Hyungwon needed the least was more disappointment interrupting his precious sleep.

“Hyungwon, wake up.”

He whined internally, wishing that the voice could go away. He pulled his blankets closer to his body, snuggling them tightly.

“Hyungwon, it’s nearly 10 a.m. You need to get up. A government official will arrive soon and you don’t want to keep them waiting.”

Hyungwon’s eyes snapped open, his ears perking up. He saw his mother standing a few feet away from the foot of his bed, her lips pursed and her arms crossed.

“A government official?” Hyungwon croaked, still fairly sluggish. Weren’t they giving them a week?

His mother seemed to read his mind. “They suddenly changed their plans. I don’t know why, but they’re coming to pick you up tonight.”

She swept her eyes across the room and fixed them on a still very occupied clothed rack. “You might want to start packing right now.” Turning around, she strolled out of the room without another word.

Slightly more awake, Hyungwon sat up and stared at his clothes rack. Now that he was thinking about it, he’d never packed before. Obviously, he’d never really had an opportunity to, considering the circumstances. What did he even need to bring? Would the government provide anything for him and his family or did he need to pack everything that he had?

It’s better safe than sorry, he thought, standing up. He raised both arms above his head and stretched. Where would he find a bag again?

Oh right, the living room, he remembered. He didn’t feel as much dread going in there compared to yesterday. Why? He didn’t know and he didn’t really care to find out. He picked up a sweater hanging from the rack and slipped it on, immediately feeling a fraction of the warmth from his covers return to him.

Groggily, he made his way down the hallway and into the area where the kitchen was joined with the living room. There was a closet door built into the wall, almost inconspicuously. He walked over to the door and pulled it open, watching as the doors folded to the side.

What greeted him was a dark gaping opening full of boxes and plastic bags. Hyungwon groaned at the thought of rummaging through the mess, but he knew that he had to. A few minutes passed before he opened a box full of old and dusty picture frames. Intrigued, Hyungwon turned one over to find a photo of what looked to be a younger version of his parents, smiling down at a newborn infant. Was that… him?

He reached down to flip another one over, brushing the dust off from the glass. There was a toddler sitting on a carpet, playing with a rag doll. It was him this time, he was sure.

Suddenly, he felt a slight jab in his heart. Hyungwon froze. Where did it come from? He set the picture frames down.

What the hell am I doing? I should be looking for bags and suitcases. Concentrate, Hyungwon. There’s no time to feel sad.

He sighed, nearly choking on the dust in the air. He put the frames back into the box where he found them and set it aside. After a couple more minutes of rummaging, Hyungwon came across a black duffel bag. There was a thick coat of dust over it, turning the black into an almost gray hue. Hyungwon frowned, trying to brush it off.

This might work, he thought as he slung the strap over his left shoulder, ignoring the dust that clung onto his sweater. Hopefully, the government headquarters would have a functional laundry joint.

Taking the bag to his room, he brushed off more dust and zipped it open. Without hesitation, he slid all his clothes off of the clothing rack and shoved them into the bag. There wasn’t really anything else he needed, was there? His eyes drifted to the clock hanging on his wall. It was 12, now. He zipped the bag up. When did his mother say they were going to come again?

Just as he was about to go look for her, he heard her call out his name.

“Hyungwon? They’re here! I hope you finished packing.”

Just in time, huh? He stood up, the bag hanging awkwardly from his arm. He walked to the mat in front of the front door where he saw his parents waiting for him with their own bags and suitcases.

“Did they disable the gun at the door?” Hyungwon asked cautiously.

“Of course they did, Hyungwon,” said his father, a slight look of disbelief on his face.

“Right,” he muttered. What a stupid question to ask.

He followed his parents out of the door, closing it behind him. There wasn’t a need to lock it, obviously.

When they reached the car, there was a tall and intimidating looking man standing at the door, almost like a chauffeur would.

“The boy first, please,” he spoke with a deep and monotone voice. His parents looked at each other, a look of confusion spread across their faces. Hyungwon was equally as confused, but he complied. The man opened the door for him and he stepped in, sitting down. He looked around, slightly bewildered- he’d never been in a car before.

This is kind of cramped, he thought, reaching for his seatbelt. He remembered reading in books how important it was to do that. But where was he supposed to buckle it? He looked up at his parents for guidance, who were also about to step in.

Suddenly, Hyungwon saw the tall man hold an arm out, blocking his parents from entering the car. His eyebrows furrowed, unsure of what was happening. His parents’ voices were muffled and he couldn’t make out anything they were saying. Panic began to flood his senses and before he could think, he heard a rustling from the seat in front of him. He turned sharply to face the source of the sound, only to see a shadowy figure hidden behind the seat.

“Who-” Hyungwon tried to manage but was instantly cut off by a loud clicking sound. He felt his heart pound louder and louder until it echoed in his eardrums. Suddenly, the tall man entered the car from the front, sitting beside the man in front of Hyungwon. Suddenly, it was as if the vehicle had come to life. Was he starting the car? It had been a long time since Hyungwon had read a book with a car in it. Then, he saw his surroundings shift. He turned around and tried to catch glimpses of his parents, but they were already too far to be seen.

“Where are we going? What are you doing? Why aren’t my parents with me?” Hyungwon said in a trembling voice. His seatbelt still wasn’t buckled, but he couldn’t care less at this point.  
The two men replied with silence. Hyungwon squeezed his eyes shut.

You’ll be fine, you’ll be fine, you’ll be fine- He took a deep breath and let it out. He felt tempted to ask again, but he knew it would be useless.

Save your breath, Hyungwon, he told himself as his gaze drifted to the window. Had the situation been less hectic and confusing, he would have been more excited about the things he could see as he passed through various buildings that looked almost nothing like the ones in his neighbourhood.

There were still houses, but in a variety of different hue. Some areas had bigger houses and some had houses that could barely even be considered houses. Next to the houses were trees of all sorts- tall ones, short ones, some that had no leaves, and some that did. Eventually, he reached an area where there were no houses. No buildings, nothing at all. There was waste everywhere, waste that looked like it had been left there for decades.

Why would they do this? The question whizzed around in Hyungwon’s mind. After a few minutes, the waste became half demolished buildings that looked nothing like any house he’d seen. Some were a lot bigger than the other, towering over the other buildings. There was a lopsided “M” that hung from the front of one of the walls.

What had all these buildings been 20 years ago? Hyungwon was overwhelmed- anybody in his situation would be. Every once in a while there’d be a large, vacant place with trees and hills in random places. Were they parks? Hyungwon remembered reading about them a while ago. It was about 20 more minutes before the car came to a halt in front of a large and dreadfully dull looking building. Had they reached their destination? Both men got out of their seats in an almost uniform manner, the tall one reaching out to open Hyungwon’s door for him.

Looking at his surroundings through the car window had done an exceptional job in setting aside his emotions because the moment his feet touched the ground again, it all came rushing back. The two men stood on both of his sides, the tall man towering over him on his left. As they walked into the building, Hyungwon could feel a myriad of questions begin to push into his mind.

“What’s going on?” Hyungwon was surprised by how shaky he sounded, “Where are you taking me? Why aren’t my parents with me?”

Once again, he received nothing but silence. Why did he even bother? The two men guarded him through poorly lit hallways, each one getting darker and darker until he reached a door. The tall man swung it open, and light spilled out. The door led to a room that seemed to be from another world compared to the rest of the building. It was bright- that was what Hyungwon noticed first. There were huge, gaping windows allowing sunlight to envelope the entire room whole. The walls and floors were all white, almost futuristic if it weren’t for the stains of dirt and various other things that Hyungwon couldn’t quite identify.

Suddenly, a woman walked in, holding a single sheet of paper in her hands. She too was wearing a suit, holding a blank, icy expression on her face.

Her hair was tied back in a bun, a few strands coming loose and falling down on her face.

“Hyungwon Chae?” Her voice was cold and slightly gravelly. Hyungwon did not reply.

“We spotted you through your lenses attempting to open the window. Your intentions are unclear but we’ve concluded that you might have been trying to communicate with the other side. To prevent possible risks, we will hold you in captivity here at the headquarters.”

The words echoed in Hyungwon’s mind, but he couldn’t quite grasp the meaning of them. All he could do was stand there, helpless like he had done so many times before. Suddenly, the two men at his sides, tightened their grips on his shoulders, beckoning him to move. There was a door across from the one they entered through, leading into another dark hallway. The guards led him to the door, and the moment they stepped foot into the hallway, one of the men closed the door behind them, enclosing them in the darkness.

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

Computer. Right. Kihyun sighed as he made himself comfortable in front of the small screen of his government-given computer. It wasn’t like any other computer, where Kihyun could search things up on Google, or play games on it, it was a device solely for communicating with the government. Communication worked as sending electronic letters, asking for supplies or anything that the owner required. It was stupid, really. Why couldn’t the government just let them do whatever they wanted to do on the computer? It wasn't as if they could somehow find a way to leave their houses through searching on the internet. Yes, they would be able to have social media or text, but couldn’t the government just restrict that? Allow the rest? Passing the time would be so much easier if there were games they could play.

What the hell, Kihyun. Why would the government just restrict social media, if they could restrict all?

Taking in a deep breath, Kihyun typed in the long, ten-lettered password into the computer and waited for the old machine to load as he leaned back against his chair. After the familiar white screen appeared instead of the login page, a single unread e-letter lay in the vast, empty space.

Leaning back closer to the screen, Kihyun squinted to read the small, black letters on the screen. It was from the government.

Scoffing, Kihyun clicked it open. They’d never send letters. Maybe once or twice in a year, but rarely would they ever feel the need to. Wow. Kihyun thought to himself, taking his glasses out of the cabinet besides the desk and slipping them on. That’s rare. I wonder what happened. Usually, the government would send e-letters when something happened, or when there was a change in rules. They often talked about someone trying to leave and dying because of it, and what the consequences of leaving would be, or they would send a “friendly”” warning to what would happen if they left and didn’t die leaving. The end results would usually be the same, with the government ending up killing the person instead. In conclusion, they’d die anyways. Whether they stayed in the house for their entire life, or tried to leave, they’d still die.

Slipping on his glasses, Kihyun focused on the black letters and skimmed through the letter.

To whom this may be sent to,

You may be surprised to receive an email from the government, as we do not send many. At that, Kihyun stopped. Well fuck of couse, you wouldn’t send them. You don’t care about us, you want us dead, why would you send them? Kihyun chuckled bitterly to himself, the sound filling the emptiness of the quiet room. Pulling himself together again, he continued.

Earlier this week, the government officials have received a signal from the AI that guards the contact lenses in each of your eyes. Resident Alexander Chae Hyungwon from House 115 was caught trying to pry open the window and peer out to the house besides it. Thankfully, he did not try to escape, neither did he manage to. You may have noticed or overheard the sound of car engine outside of your doors. That was the a few officials who were very recently sent to retrieve Mr. Chae Hyungwon. As a punishment and warning for all residents of this town, Mr. Chae has been locked up for as long as we will allow him to.

Thank you for your cooperation.

A dead silence filled the quiet room. What the fuck? Kihyun rubbed at his eyes once, then twice, before peering at the page again. He read the section once more, confirming that it was true, before slamming the computer lid shut with a loud thud.

Hyungwon? My Hyungwon? Fuck. Kihyun thought, the corners of his lips turning downwards. Why? How? Kihyun stood, pushing his chair back in before starting to pace. Why would the government do that to Hyungwon? Isn’t locking him in good enough? It wasn’t like Hyungwon was actually going to leave. He couldn’t possibly, would he?  
Upset, Kihyun squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm himself. It felt as if somebody had punched him in the gut- his stomach was sinking, and each breath became more and more laboured. He wanted to throw up. He clutched his spinning head, trying as hard as he could to breathe. It was because of him.

Because of him, Hyungwon was caught. If Kihyun hadn’t tried to tap to Hyungwon the other day, Hyungwon wouldn’t have ended up like that. If Kihyun had thought about his actions a couple more times, maybe Hyungwon would still be living well next door.

Then, Kihyun would’ve felt at ease. He’d be happy to know that Hyungwon was alive, well and healthy next door. Guilt swallowed him whole and left him helpless. Kihyun could do was to wish for the best.

I need Hoseok, I need to tell him. In a frenzy, Kihyun rushed towards the familiar window facing Hoseok’s house, ready to tap. As soon as he placed the pen on the glass, a shiver ran through him, as if warning him of something. Oh yes, Kihyun grumbled under his breath. Hoseok was ignoring him. He sighed, dropping himself onto the chair in front of the window. It was truly pitiful, with both of his parents dead, Hoseok gone, and now Hyungwon. Kihyun chuckled bitterly, letting his fists curl tightly until his nails cut into his skin.

_It’s all my fault. I’ve lost everyone now._  
  
  
  
  
  


_I need to clean the bathroom._ Kihyun groaned, pulling out his precious vacuum cleaner from the low closet below the staircase. Plugging the cord into the outlet on the wall behind him, Kihyun pressed the power button on the machine before pushing it towards the bathroom. Sweeping across the floor, he absentmindedly found himself thinking of Hyungwon, the boy he could’ve been close friends with if things had gone right.  

 _If only had I gotten to know him better before he left._ Kihyun glared at the tiles, his chest tight.  _If only I didn’t try to talk to him. I’m so stupid._ He pushed the vacuum aggressively across the floors, forward then backwards then all over again, trying to clean an imaginary stain.

“I’d still have a friend with me,” Kihyun grumbled under his breath as he moved to another imaginary stain.  _Stupid, stupid Kihyun._

Sighing, he gave up on cleaning the already-spotless washroom and moved to unplug the cord. Wrapping the long line around the back of the vacuum, he shoved it gently back into the closet, careful not to scratch his precious helper. 

Kihyun ventured to one of his mother’s (now his) bookshelf and took out a book randomly. Glancing down at his hands, he held a thin novel, bounded by a strong material. He knew the title of the book immediately. Kihyun had read every single book his mother had collected from earlier on, rereading them over and over again throughout the years. The book in his hands though had only been read once.  _Looking for Alaska_ was the name of the book, and Kihyun did his best to avoid it.

It wasn’t that Kihyun didn’t like reading it, he did, as he enjoyed all types of novels. But Kihyun had hated that the book had talked about some things that he disliked thinking about. It tore into him at poked at his most vulnerable spots. It happened, and Kihyun knew. The worst part was that he’d felt and sympathized with it. Heaving in another sigh, he brushed his bangs back and sat down with the book still in his hands. Flipping it to the first page, he began the first chapter.

 _Fuck this._ Kihyun dropped the book onto the space beside him and stood up, unable to contain how fidgety he felt . Not caring whether the book was placed properly or not (Surprise! He almost never did that with his books), he moved to the kitchen to pull open the fridge door. Kihyun blindly pulled out a random assortment of food to make for dinner, his eyes absent and unfocused. Chopping in the vegetables and chunks of beef, he stirred his stew together, ate it, washed the dishes, then walked a circle around the house once. He turned on his CD player and sang along with the songs, but as soon as it was over, he felt empty once more.

Kihyun couldn’t concentrate on anything. He felt unsettled and uneasy as he moved across the floor, trying to get himself to feel more alive and present. The feeling of a lump in his throat wouldn’t fade, neither would the uncomfortable sensation on his chest. There was something peculiar to how Kihyun felt - it was as if something was going to happen and he was anticipating it. There was something that he knew in feeling. It was as if Kihyun didn’t do what was supposed to be done, something terrible would happen. If Kihyun didn’t follow what he told himself to follow, Hoseok would leave him.

Tearing his eyes away from the floorboards, he trudged to his bathroom and turned on the lights.  _Maybe I need a shower. To freshen myself, perhaps?_ Presumably, if the scalding hot water could wash away his uneasiness, and make him feel better. 

Once done, Kihyun slipped out of the bathroom, all dressed and pink from the shower. Glancing down at the floor, he found his pair of bunny socks laying casually beside the closet. He knelt down to thumb the warm fabric softly, gazing at the cute face of the bunny. It reminded him of Hoseok. Of Hoseok and the warmth of his tone when he tapped, Hoseok and his probably adorable laugh and wide smile, and his cute replies and sentences. Hoseok, who could probably pick up and snap Kihyun in half like a glow stick if he could and wanted to. Hoseok, who’d treat others carefully and delicately, with soft smiles and cozy hugs. 

Hoseok, who Kihyun knew he couldn’t do anything without. 

The truth was really so frightening. It was blunt, inevitable and hard to swallow. It was like a punch that could knock the breath out of somebody. They’d never know when it would come and when the unfamiliar sensation of a fist would land on them. The feeling of dizziness and the unexplainable pain would cut through and attach itself onto the injury. It was like truth, slapping someone face-on, not realizing before it came.

Kihyun took in a deep breath before inching towards the window facing Hoseok’s house, his steps hesitate and fearful.  _What are you so afraid of?_ Kihyun asked himself, looking down at his trembling hand. He bent his fingers into a fist, trying to stop the shaking.  _I don’t know._

With his eyes wide and ears alert, Kihyun tapped a simple hello on the glass. 

He let out the breathe that he’d been holding the entire time and stepped back from the window. Waiting, he leaned against his chair, his nerves all jumbled up.  

1 minute. Then another. Then another. Kihyun kept his eyes on the clock, as three minutes passed to five, then to seven. 

 _Of course._ He laughed bitterly to himself.  _Of course Hoseok wouldn’t reply. Why would he reply to someone like you?_ Kihyun rubbed at his face drowsily , turning to face the direction of his bedroom. His eyelids felt heavy and his eyes were closing on their own, yet it was still early.

As he threw himself on his soft bed, a light knock interrupted the silence of the room. A series of light, barely noticeable sounds appeared. 

_Hoseok?_

Exhausted and tired of trying, Kihyun ignored the small voice at the back of his head that urged him to answer. 

_It can’t be. It can’t be Hoseok. He hates me._

_Maybe I’m dreaming._ Kihyun thought to himself tiredly. He was sinking in the warmth of his bed, with his covers wrapped around him like a security blanket. He could feel himself slowly relaxing and falling asleep, too tired to think or move. 

_It’s not him. It wouldn’t. Stop keeping your hope up._

_Just let him go, Kihyun._

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚 

 

_Ping!_

Hoseok’s ears perked up at the sound. The sound that would send a buzz of excitement through him as a kid while his mother smiled sadly at him. The sound that he would grow to resent over the years the more he learned about the town’s history. He grumbled at the noise, challenging it as he put his book face down onto the bed. It had been ages since the government had last sent an-letter, without them actually needing to do so.Hoseok tried to remember. Four, no, five months? He stood up and stretched, feeling a slight wave of dizziness begin to nip at his senses. He’d been lying on his stomach, reading that same boring book from days ago, not being able to indulge himself in a new one. There really wasn’t much else to do in this house, and Hoseok couldn't emphasize that enough. 

Rubbing at his sore back, he entered the dark hallway and tried to navigate into the study- a room that he never really went to and was honestly slightly terrified of. There was nothing more spooky than a dim-lit room riddled with dust and cobwebs. Hoseok had always felt that there was some kind of monster awaiting him in that room. 

_Jesus, Hoseok. You’re not a child anymore._

It wasn’t long before he reached the door that led to the study. Except, it was left slightly ajar, a ray of dingy light leaking through the gap. He pushed the door open further and found his mother already there, sitting on the soft velvet chair with one leg propped on top of the other. The tablet- a device that the government used to send the letters- was clenched in her hands, and she was staring at the screen with a furrow in her brow .

“Mom?”

The woman looked up at him with a look of surprise. Did she not notice him when he walked into the room?

“Hoseok, did you hear the notification too? The government sent us an e-letter. They never do- would you like to read this with me?” There was something off about her tone, something that Hoseok couldn’t quite make out. He’d suppose that his mother had already read the letter unless she had waited for him. Hoseok thought back to only a few moments earlier, his mother staring at the screen with a look of perplexion spread across her face.  _Huh._

Nevertheless, he complied. His mother moved to the side, leaving just enough room for Hoseok to squish into the chair next to her. Holding one side of the tablet, his eyes scanned the black lines on the screen.

It was a rather short letter, about how one of his neighbours, Hyungwon, he’d suppose. He had somehow been caught by the government trying to make contact with one of his neighbours. Hoseok frowned to himself. How had he and Kihyun not been caught? He decided not to dwell on it. 

_Fucking hell, Hoseok. Stop thinking about Kihyun and getting caught! What if you really get caught one day?_

_Wait._

Hyungwon… that name sounded familiar. Where had he heard it before? He closed his eyes, his mind travelling back to exactly a week ago when he and Kihyun were having one of their many conversations. 

He recalled Kihyun talking about how he had had a friend before the law was implemented, and how they hadn’t talked since they were small children. But there was one thing that struck him as odd- Kihyun had never told him his name. So why did the name Hyungwon sound so familiar? How could he just… tell? His mother seemed to notice that something was off, and turned to face Hoseok.

“Is there something wrong?” Her voice sounded cautious, for some reason. What was with everything being so, well, strange lately?

“Yeah, mom, it’s just, well..,” he took a breath and tried again. “I’m just kind of… shaken. You know? Like, I bet that guy wasn’t even trying to do anything. What if something we do gets misinterpreted too? What if we get caught communicating to Minhyuk? Plus-”

He was cut off when his mother gently placed her hand on his shoulder. It was a comforting gesture, and Hoseok felt some sense of relief come back to him at her touch.

“Hoseok-ah. Nothing’s going to happen to you. Or me. Okay?” There was a ghost of a smile on her face. Something was rather unsettling about it, but he complied. 

“Alright, Mom. Thanks,” he said, returning the smile as he stood up and left the room. 

Maybe the letter had more of an effect than he’d initially thought- he couldn’t think straight, and everything seemed to bother him. There were things that weren’t all what they seemed. Hoseok was twisting them into something else. It was almost as if there was a feeling he’d tried to repress, an incorrigible wave of guilt that tore its way from his heart and into his throat, watching him gurgle on his denial. 

_Kihyun._

He made it into his room the exact moment Kihyun’s name crossed his mind. He sat down on his bed, tucking his knees close to his chest.

He’d remember the excitement in Kihyun’s taps as he told him about his old friend who he’d been separated from childhood. And then, he felt his stomach sink as he remembered encouraging Kihyun to go and talk to him.

_Well, then, maybe you should tap to him like how I did to you! Do it until he hears you or something—you never know until you try. Come on, just do it. I believe in you._

Thinking back at the words he’d tapped out to Kihyun, they echoed numbly in his mind. It was his stupid optimism that might have gotten Kihyun’s friend imprisoned. And what was worse was that Kihyun was most definitely blaming himself right now. Hoseok knew Kihyun well. 

Sadly, he knew himself even better. 

There was this incredibly tender area in his heart that no matter how hard he tried to repress it, wanted to reach out to Kihyun, to tell him it wasn’t his fault, to pull him into a gentle hug and tell him that everything was going to be alright.

Then, something drew his feelings back.

 _No, Hoseok. Stop that. You’re probably the last person he wants to see right now._ Frustrated, he grabbed a fistful of his own hair, trying to focus on his thoughts.

_You were way too harsh on him, weren’t you?_

Hoseok was rarely upset at himself. Why would he be? Of course, there were often times where he felt guilty- like when he dropped his mother’s favourite mug when he was 12, watching as it smashed into a million tiny pieces on the hardwood floor. His mother had cleaned it up too, and then gave him a hug he felt he didn’t deserve.

“You didn’t mean it, Seokkie,” she’d said, trying to conceal the cut on her index finger. But Hoseok saw. 

And then there was the time where he’d ignored Minhyuk. He’d been upset, but it never felt nearly as hopeless and nerve-wracking as it did now. He wanted to tap, to send even just a tiny message to show Kihyun that he wasn’t alone, even if he didn’t want to see him. He wanted to-

“Hoseok, what do you want for dinner?” 

His mother’s voice pierced into his thoughts, putting them to a halt. There’s a long silence between them until Hoseok finally replies.

“I don’t know. Anything works,” he shouted back, hoping that his distress didn’t show too much in his tone. Deciding that he didn’t want to delve back into his thoughts, he stood up, exited his room and stepped into the kitchen where his mother had already pulled out the ingredients. There was a can of what looked to be tomato sauce, an onion-

“I’m making spaghetti,” she said in a warm tone. She’d noticed him stare at the ingredients with a glint of curiosity in his eyes. 

He sat down at the dining table, watching his mother chop up the onion. Her hands were careful but swift, and Hoseok watched the knife coming down over and over again with increasing anxiety. Sighing quietly, his stare shifted towards the window with the stool sitting in front of it. 

_Stop, Hoseok, don’t think about it._

Like an idiot, he still thought about it. Despite his best efforts to conceal his unease, he noticed his mother stealing concerned glances at him every few minutes. Before he knew it, dinner was ready and his mother was carrying a large, steaming plate of spaghetti towards the table where he sat.

“Dinner’s ready, Hoseok,” his mother nudged him, and he immediately snapped out of his thoughts. 

“Oh, right,” he mumbled.

Dinner dragged on, neither of them speaking a word. The air felt heavy and tense, and when he finished his pasta, he placed his dish in the sink, said a quick thank you to his mom, and left. Hoseok felt an ache that told him to go to Minhyuk, to ask him what to do but he didn’t want to pester him any more than he already did.

Suddenly, he heard a series of taps coming from the direction of the kitchen. He froze in his tracks, unable to turn around. 

_Kihyun?_

A few seconds went by.

_No, it can’t be. Why would he want to talk to me?_

He continued down the hallway and into his room. The moment the door clicked shut, a realization clicked into his brain. That series of taps he’d heard just a minute ago was not whatever his mind tried to come up with. It was Kihyun.

_Kihyun. Kihyun, Kihyun, Kihyun._

His name whizzed around his head as he rushed back to the kitchen, nearly leaping towards the window. His mother, over the sound of the running water and the clinking of the dishes, surprisingly did not notice.

Hoseok picked up the pen and tapped.

_Kihyun?_

There was no response. His heart sank a little as he sighed for the second time in the same hour. He trudged back to his room as he finally accepted it. Kihyun was ignoring him. Hoesok had been too harsh- he’d lost his temper, and now he was facing the consequences.

“Jesus Christ,” he mumbled out loud, then eyes widening as he realized that his mother was still in the kitchen with him. He whipped his head around, only to find the area in front of the sink empty, the drying rack filled with sparkling clean dishes. Was she back in her room already?

Brushing the thought aside, Hoseok stood up and walked back into his room. It was getting later and later, and he wanted nothing more than to just collapse onto his bed and fall into a state of unconsciousness where no thoughts could get to him.

When he reached his bed, he fell onto it and closed his eyes, not even bothering to pull the covers on top of him.

 _Good night, Kihyun_ , said a tiny voice in the back of his mind. 


	8. Am Byth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But if Kihyun couldn’t make his “someday” happen, he’d try to make “forever” stay. With Hoseok and his sweet smiles and soft tapping, that was all he needed for his “forever”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're sorry for not posting last week, both dan and i had tests and exams packed that week :((( but here's this time's chapter!!
> 
> [@nana](https://twitter.com/ateexzm)   
>  [@dan](https://twitter.com/_flowerchae_)

 

December 22, 2061

 

Hoseok had always been afraid of losing people or things that he felt were of importance. He _still_ was, it had never changed. For example, his bunny plushie from when he was a toddler — Evie. The first time that he ever held Evie was when he was two years old. It had been a birthday present from his parents, who had hidden their smiles when toddler Hoseok had crawled towards the gift with bright eyes.   
  
“Bunny!” Toddler Hoseok had screamed with excitement, his chubby little arms reaching towards the fluffy, animal plushie. Snatching it up from the ground, he cradled it against his body like a baby.  He smiled down at it with eyes full of love and adoration. It was almost as if there was a sudden thread between Hoseok and the plushie, drawing an unbreakable connection between them. He tipped his weight towards the ground and squished the plushie against his body. Curling himself into a small ball, he squeezed the soft thing tightly and gave it a big kiss. 

 "I’m gonna name you Evie!” Hoseok had said joyously, squishing the soft ears of the bunny plushie. “Pretty, sthpecial Evie!”

 He knew from that day on that Evie would be by his side forever. Even years later, he could still feel a twinge of affection in his heart when he held the limp and slightly worn-down doll. He clutched it in his hands, reminiscing about all the adventures he’d had with Evie before his childlike imagination burnt out. He’d always taken good care of it, but he couldn’t help but frown at the slightly rough patches on Evie- he could never really remember an instance where he’d done something to cause damage to it. He stared into its soft, round eyes and thought of his parents’ faces. He felt a twinge of some unrecognizable emotion inside him and clutched the rabbit against his chest. He couldn’t imagine losing Evie- it was the last thing he had that connected him to both his parents. He had his mother whom he saw everyday, but how long had it been since he’d seen his father?

 Hoseok’s grip on Evie tightened, a tremble running through his hands. It was something he didn’t like to think about. Hoseok had lost people too. He’d lost his father.  He had been young and could barely remember anything, but even so, it hurt; the fact that there was now a hole in him that could have been filled with memories- memories that were now nothing but longing. His father wasn’t there to watch him grow up. 22 birthdays were celebrated at a table meant for three, with one seat that always remained empty.

 Hoseok didn’t know the details- he’d been so young and his mother was always hesitant to talk about it. It was just before the regulations were set and people were still allowed to roam freely. It had been a car crash. A fatal one. He didn’t know anything else- he didn’t want to upset his mother by prying even further. But still, there was that hole, that aching curiosity and yearning that had developed as he grew. However, he was thankful. He was thankful that he still had people in his life that cared for him- his mother, Minhyuk, and Kihyun- and he cherished each and one of them deeply.

 And he couldn’t lose them either. He couldn’t lose Minhyuk, neither could he lose his mother, and most importantly, Kihyun. 

 Kihyun.

 The boy who made him smile and giggle like a teenager and squeal with joy when Kihyun replied to him. The boy whose smile was probably brighter than the sun and the stars combined, putting them both in shame. 

 Or maybe Hoseok was just too head over heels in love with Kihyun. 

It was something he couldn’t possibly ignore, his feelings, his thoughts of him. Although Hoseok was completely unaware of how Kihyun actually looked in real life, neither did he know how talking to him would be like either, he was sure that Kihyun would be the one. Call him cheesy and gross, but Hoseok wouldn’t care less. 

 Kihyun was so important to him and Hoseok wouldn’t be able to imagine how he’d feel if he had lost him. 

Noticing that he was still clinging on his precious plushie, he pulled Evie away from his chest reluctantly and set her onto the bed. Absentmindedly, he walked to the kitchen and sat down in front of the window he was so accustomed to. 

Hoseok hoped that Kihyun wouldn’t be still upset with him. He had acted rashly without thinking and most likely hurting his feelings. He didn’t know what had come across him that night. He had felt this unmistakable sense of exasperation and fatigue, mixed with frustration towards Kihyun’s endless flow of questions. It could be that Kihyun had been too persistent with getting Hoseok to answer his questions. 

But it was also his fault for not choosing to answer them. 

 _But Hoseok, you can’t force yourself to answer something you don’t want to answer._ The voice at the back of his head said softly, the usual bite disappearing. Maybe that was true and maybe it wasn’t completely Hoseok’s fault. Yet, because of him snapping back and ignoring Kihyun first, their relationship was now like this- tense and uneasy.

Hoseok didn’t want to lose hope. He’d lost enough of that already.  

Staring at the fogged glass on the window, he pressed a hand against it, feeling the cold that seeped through to his palms. It was near Christmas, one of the holidays he remembered to love as a child. The house would be filled with strings of pretty lights and colourful decorations, a huge christmas tree that glittered in the corner, and the smell of freshly-baked gingerbread cookies that would waft across the rooms. His mother would invite Minhyuk and his family to celebrate the tradition with them, the parents being the ones who’d stay past twelve to drink and laugh while Minhyuk and Hoseok slept soundly besides each other, smiles painted on their little faces. He’d wake up early in the morning, excited to check if Santa Claus had come down to their house to drop his presents for him, having prepared milk and cookies the night before. He’d shake Minhyuk awake, push him out of the bed, drag his little hand towards the living room and they’d shovel out all their respective presents.  

To think that twenty years had passed since the last Christmas he’d spent with the same feeling of festivity, it was astounding. However, Hoseok couldn’t help when Christmas came around the corner but to feel excited and happy, as if his presents would appear the next day under a tree. 

This year, he wondered how Kihyun would celebrate Christmas. Instead of wondering about how he’d create a new present for his mother, he wondered if Kihyun would have had presents for himself too. Taking in a deep breathe, Hoseok glanced out to the opposite side, as if expecting to see anything except for the familiar blur. 

 But was Kihyun still upset at him? He knew he had to fix this before it got any worse. Last night had left a pit of doubt and anxiety inside of him, and he was determined to get through it.

  _Kihyun? Are you there? Are you ignoring me?_ Hoseok tapped, leaving tiny traces of hesitation behind. He hoped that he didn’t appear too forward, asking directly if Kihyun was blatantly taking no notice of him.

  _Hoseok? I’m here_.

 And just like that, his world went silent.

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚 

 

Kihyun could hear his heartbeat pound in his ears. Since when had he been this nervous for something? He sat on the stool in front of his kitchen window, waiting for Hoseok’s response. Kihyun hoped that Hoseok wouldn’t seriously think that he was ignoring him, as it was never his intention to.The very thought sent a pang of guilt through him.

 _Kihyun, I…_  

 _I’m sorry!_ Kihyun tapped frantically, not realizing that he’d cut Hoseok off. 

_I’m sorry for trying to make you talk about your dad… I know it’s probably difficult for you and I really shouldn’t have tried to cross that boundary-_

_No, no,_ he was cut off by Hoseok’s reply which sounded equally as frantic, _I should be the one apologizing, I shouldn’t have been so mean to you when all you were trying to do was to understand-_

_What do you mean? I was clearing being stupid and obnoxious, and I’ll try not to pry again… and it’s okay that you were mean, I understand how upset you must have been, Hoseok-_

_Still! I’m sorry, I went overboard._

At this point, it was clear to Kihyun that both of them were releasing what seemed to be days worth of held back tension. He smiled, feeling the weight lift from his shoulders. 

_Kihyun, do you want to know about my dad?_

The smile faded.

_Are... you sure you’re ready to tell me? You were clearly upset with me asking the other day._

_No, I’m ready._

Kihyun pursed his lips. Was he, really?

_Alright then. Just keep in mind that if you’re beginning to feel uncomfortable, stop. I don’t want to force you, okay?_

_Okay, I promise._

Kihyun leaned forward, ready to listen.

 _I was really young when it happened, so I don’t remember a lot. Most of what I know is from what my mom told me. I know I shouldn’t be feeling so… strongly about it when I didn’t even know my dad that well, but-_  

 _It’s alright, Hoseok. It’s not easy losing people, especially when one of those people is your parent, no matter how long you’ve known them._ _I know how you feel._  

Kihyun felt slightly guilty interrupting Hoseok, but the last thing he wanted was for him to doubt himself even more.

 _Right. I’m s-_ Hoseok paused, and then restarted his sentence. Kihyun felt the corners of his lips drop into a little pout. Hoseok was going to apologize again. 

_It was a car crash. A big one. It was before the regulations were set, and there was a drunk driver speeding- I don’t know. My mom doesn’t like to talk about it either. It makes sense, she’s probably the one who suffered the most from it._

Hoseok’s taps were becoming quicker and more erratic and Kihyun could tell that something was wrong. 

_Hoseok, are you okay?_

There was silence.

_Hoseok?_

_I’m fine._

_Liar,_ he thought to himself.

_It’s okay, Hoseok, you can stop now. I- thanks for telling me, but remember that you’re more important right now._

_You’re right- Kihyun, how did you cope when it happened to you?_

Kihyun raised his eyebrows. He hadn’t expected him to ask that question. In fact, how _had_ he coped?

 _I… I don’t know_ , Kihyun tapped hesitantly. It was all he could manage. 

_You don’t have to tell, Kihyunnie. I don’t mind._

_No, I want to. It’s just that I really have no idea. It all feels like just… a blur. I remember exactly what happened that night- how could I forget- but I can’t quite remember how I coped._

Kihyun tried to think. He had come to terms with his father’s death a long time ago. But how had he coped? Did he really even cope? 

_It was difficult. I was thirteen and completely on my own. I- I learned to cook on my own, went through the online secondary education program thing on my own- I really didn’t know what to do. I tried my best to just put it past me, pretend that nothing had happened because that was the only way I knew I could go on. I wandered around the house, cleaned, and sang to myself so I could keep myself sane. I was just so...so alone._

Kihyun stopped. This was too much. Hoseok didn’t need to know this much.  

_Kihyun? I’m here. It’s okay._

He took a deep breath. 

_I’m sorry, that was a lot more than you probably asked for._

_It’s fine, Kihyun. That must have been really tough on you. You’re really strong, you know that?_

Kihyun cocked his head to side, furrowing his brows slightly. He hoped he didn’t hear incorrectly. Strong? Him? _Really?_

_Yeah, having to go through all of that. I don’t think I could have. It’s- it’s really inspiring._

Kihyun blushed as heat rose to his face, dusting his cheeks with splashes of pink. _Thank you. I never thought of it like that._

There were a few moments of comfortable silence between them. Kihyun smiled, gratefully that he wasn’t alone anymore. He would never be alone again.

_Kihyun, I…_

Hoseok’s taps faded away. Kihyun raised an eyebrow.

_Yeah?_

_Nevermind- I need to go wash the dishes- I’ll talk to you later._

_Okay, bye._

Kihyun couldn’t help but wonder what Hoseok had wanted to say. He didn’t know why, but there was always a warm and fuzzy feeling left behind from his talks with Hoseok. Well, he couldn’t really call it a talk, but still it felt like one. The bright afternoon sunlight poured in from the window to his right, the one that faced the street. He felt peace encompass him as he stared up at the ceiling. However, that peace did not last long. Suddenly, questions began to form in his mind- questions he’d tried to avoid for the past 8 years.

_What would it have been like if my dad was still with me? How different would I have been today? Would I still have met Hoseok?_

He frowned at the unexpected onslaught of thoughts that did nothing but provoke a sense of dread he’d done so well to conceal. 

_Stop, Kihyun. Stop. These thoughts won’t do anything for you. They will only hurt you. You can’t change what has happened in the past._

Kihyun sighed. Now that Hoseok had left to go help his mother, the rooms felt emptier than usual. He wondered why. His gaze drifted to the clock above his fridge. It was a quarter past noon. 

 _I should start preparing for lunch_ , he thought has he stood up, stretching his arms above his head. He swung the refrigerator door open and stared at his ingredients.

 _It’s Christmas soon_ , he thought. He’d always made something special for Christmas- that’s what his father had done every year before he died. His father would request a turkey ahead of time and then prepare it on the special day. Even to this day, Kihyun was still surprised the government cared enough to comply with these wishes. How many other families had requested the same thing? Kihyun never bothered with requesting for a turkey. After all, he could never finish it by himself.

 _I should make a Yorkshire pudding this time_ , he mused as he took out two pieces of bread, spinach, ham, and cheese. Today, he decided, was a sandwich day. Maybe he’d even add an egg. 

Despite his best efforts to focus on his cooking, he couldn’t stop thinking about Hoseok. He could imagine his wide grin and crinkled eyes when he smiled. Kihyun imagined Hoseok, bent over the sink to help his mother wash the dishes, his broad back covering the view.  

Someday, it’ll get better for the both of them. Kihyun’s “someday” could mean tomorrow, a week, a year or even ten years later. Someday meant somewhere in the future. It could happen, or it could never appear. For Kihyun, wishing “someday” to happen was unclear. He wanted to meet Hoseok someday. That someday would never happen. He wanted to learn how to paint someday. That could happen if Kihyun tried and put effort into retrieving the correct supplies and spending time to paint

But if Kihyun couldn’t make his “someday” happen, he’d try to make “forever” stay. With Hoseok and his sweet smiles and soft tapping, that was all he needed for his “forever”. 

 _Unless..._ Kihyun’s thoughts trailed off. Hoseok could always leave. Leave him all by himself once more. Leaving with only a trail of faint, soft whispers of comfort in his wake. 

His forever...there _would_ be no more “forever”, only “right now”.  
  
  
  
  
  


December 23, 2061

 _He’s so cute,_ Hoseok mused to himself as he flipped through his slightly crumpled list of adorable traits that Kihyun displayed. Squinting at his messy, rushed handwriting, Hoseok could make out a few facts he had scribbled out. 

_Kihyun loves chicken so much it’s amazing how one can give chicken (chicken!!) so much love._

Or another one like this,

_Kihyun is such a neat freak it’s so adorable when he rants about vacuuming his bathroom twice with two different vacuums and how they were his babies-_

They were all quite questionable but very much Kihyun. Glancing down at the list, he chuckled softly under his breath as his eyes landed on the last sentence.

_Kihyun is so sweet._

It was simple, yet it held so much meaning. Kihyun was kind and understanding, although he nagged at Hoseok often for his unhealthy diet. He cared for Hoseok, even though they’ve known each other for less than a month.

With all those facts, Hoseok could probably write a biography on Kihyun and publish it. But no one read those anyways, so there wasn’t much use. Unless you lead a really interesting life, maybe some people would. Hoseok would gladly keep all those facts to himself.

 In this period of time, people didn’t really even read books. They scanned through the web for some fresh gossip, shot a look at the dusty stacks of books in the corner, before ignoring them once more. Unfortunately for Hoseok, Kihyun, and the townspeople, they didn’t even have access to the web or a library, not to even mention leaving the house.

To think about it, Hoseok regretted a lot. Being born in this society, choosing to stay and obey the rules that were placed upon them like a heavy burden. He had missed the good, exciting things that he could’ve been doing, like, driving and going to hang with friends at their houses or at a meet-up place. Having fun at a bar or a club, with the music blasting, the adrenaline coursing through everyone’s body, and the freshness of the night air when they stepped out of the stuffy room. Or the taste of salt against one’s tongue as the ocean waves beat against the sand and rocks, descending in a powerful abundance. 

Hoseok missed all of that. Kihyun missed that. His mother, Minhyuk, everyone in this town. Smiling sadly down at his notebook, he smoothed over the wrinkled pages, lingering on the words “Kihyun”. He’d gotten so much closer to him. 

 _Kihyun was scared before,_ Hoseok thought wistfully, as he leaned back against the couch. His mother was taking a nap, and there was nothing else to do in the house.  _Kihyun was so hesitant and shy uGh, so cute._

Hoseok smiled widely at that thought, bringing him back heart-warming memories. Kihyun had been unsure with the whole system of coding and to not get caught, it was adorable to listen to. But from there on, Hoseok got to know Kihyun better, understand and sympathize with him. Kihyun opened up to him, and told him some things that he’d never wanted to think about, and vice versa. 

 _There’s still so many things I can add to this list…_ Hoseok took one look at the notebook before closing it. It would be alright. He knew most of things about Kihyun now, and had remembered them all already, for some reason. Hoseok was someone who couldn’t even remember his mother’s birthday or Minhyuk’s, or heck, even his own. Yet with Kihyun, he discovered that everything was so much easier with him by his side. 

He grinned brightly at that thought, his heart warm and light as he tried to imagine Kihyun’s face again. The cheek dimples that Kihyun had described to him, the wide smile that stretched across his face, and the bright, twinkling eyes that curved and crinkled at the corners. The shadow that darkened parts of his face as his lashes fluttered gently closed, and the small movement of the corner of his mouth in a small grin. 

 _Wow, you’re whipped._ The voice appeared once again, a smirk creeping into its words. Hoseok sighed, propping his feet up against the small stool in front of him.  _I am, actually. It’s unavoidable._

There had been so many times where Hoseok felt so giddy, so overwhelmed and excited from talking to Kihyun. He’d felt the butterflies in his stomach, and the sweat of his palms when he felt like he wasn’t saying the correct things. His eyes probably contained so much love in them whenever he listened to Kihyun, wide and dilated. He could feel his mood lift every time Kihyun replied to him, or said anything. 

Hoseok needed to tell Kihyun what he felt. He  _had_ to. Even if Kihyun rejected him and his confession, they’d still be friends. 

 _Will we though?_ Hoseok bit his bottom lip out of nervousness and tapped a foot against the ground. He’d ask Kihyun to still be his friend, even though Hoseok confessing to Kihyun would make their entire relationship awkward. Closing his eyes and sucking in a deep breath, he exhaled , then inhaled once more to calm himself and his racing heart.  _I can do this._

Standing up, Hoseok felt his bones crack as he stretched his arms above his head. Pulling back down his shirt that rode up, he headed towards the kitchen. 

He seated himself on the chair before raising his hand to tap against the cool glass. 

_Hello?_

Silence filled the room, except for the light sound of his mother’s snores. He smiled slightly at that before turning his attention once more to the window.

 _Hoseokkie!_ Kihyun’s quick, little excited taps came through almost immediately. Unable to hide the grin that formed on his face, Hoseok laughed gently at Kihyun’s enthusiasm.  _Cute._

 _How are you!_ Kihyun tapped excitedly. 

Hoseok smirked lightly, eyes twinkling with mischievousness before replying.  _Managing._

 _Why what happened?_ Kihyun’s reply was immediate. Hoseok’s smirk turned into a grin as he hid his smile behind his fist. He knew that Kihyun would ask that.  _What happened? Why just “managing”? Do you want to talk about it?_

 _Nah, it’s nothing,_ Hoseok tapped back.  _But it’s no longer just “managing” now that you’re talking to me, it’s “wonderful”._

A small silence ensued as Hoseok’s brave facade abruptly stopped. He twisted his hands out of nervousness and waited for Kihyun’s reply. 

 _I-_ Kihyun tapped out slowly. Hoseok held his breath.  _Wow, no one’s ever been so smooth to me before-_

 _You didn’t have anyone before._ Hoseok blatantly pointed out, raising an eyebrow. 

 _Shut up,_ Kihyun replied, apparently flustered.  _I know._

 _Dumb._ Hoseok tapped back, mouth forming a wide grin. 

 _You mean you?_ Kihyun tapped out, mockery evident.

 _Shush,  you know that I meant you._ Hoseok tapped, feeling a blush of embarrassment forming. 

 _Be glad that you’re my first friend,_ Kihyun tapped out softly, so quiet that Hoseok had to lean towards the glass so that he could hear better. _Hyungwon doesn’t...He doesn’t really count. I don’t remember much of him. I don’t know him well, it’s like I only know of him._

 _Yeah I get it,_ Hoseok tapped back.  _Then...does that make the first to a lot of other things too?_

 _Maybe..._ Kihyun trailed off, thinking hard.  _You’re my first and only friend, the first and only person who I use the Morse Code to communicate with, the only person who knows so much about me…_

 _Oh yeah?_ Hoseok answered. 

 _Don’t feel so proud of it though...I had no choice, I only have you._ Kihyun replied in a light, teasing tone. 

At that, Hoseok laughed. He was just beginning to feel satisfied until Kihyun had brought that up.  _Okay okay, I won’t I know._

The two fell back into comfortable silence as both leaned back. Hoseok then broke the quietness once more.  _Ki._

_Yeah?_

_Have you ever seen the stars at night? I know that we can’t really see clearly because of the stupid fogged windows, but do you watch the bright ones that we can make the features?_

_Yeah? What about them?_ Kihyun replied softly, tapping quickly so that he could hear Hoseok’s next lines of codes. 

 _Nothing, I just like looking at them._ Hoseok mused softly, smiling a little as he ducked his head down. 

_They’re pretty, right? They’re so bright that even we can see._

_Like you?_ Hoseok’s reply was quick and confident, as if he knew what Kihyun would say next.  _You’re prettier than any other star in the sky and you worth just as much._

Another long silence filled the room, but instead of the usual comfortable pause, it was awkward. _  
__Aaaaaaah, you can ignore what I just said._ Hoseok tapped hurriedly, a blush forming on his cheeks.  _AAh ignore, ignore!_

 _Wait..._ Kihyun paused, the air tense.  _Do you like me?_  
  
Hoseok groaned, twisting and turning in his chair in embarrassment until he fell off with a thud. Glaring at the wall, he let out a little screech. Kihyun was going to be the reason of his death. 

 _Answer me, Hoseok,_ Kihyun tapped after Hoseok had stopped screeching.  _I can hear you scream all the way here._

Hoseok froze from his position on the floor and winced slightly. He was caught. Pulling himself up, he took in a deep breath and gathered all his courage.

 _Yes, yes I do like you. I like you so much._ Hoseok tapped softly. He wasn’t sure if Kihyun had heard him or not, but he didn’t tap it twice.  _Please don’t hear me, please don’t hear me,_ Hoseok prayed to anyone who would be listening, for Kihyun not to catch his codes.

 _Oh._ Kihyun tapped out slowly, unaware of what to think.  

A long pause took place once again. 

 _Thank you...Thank you for telling me?_ Kihyun seemed bewildered, as if he wasn’t sure of what to reply with.

 _Stupid stupid stupid Kihyun, who says thank you to someone who just confessed to you?_ Kihyun berated himself internally as he waited for Hoseok’s reply, biting on his lower lip in uneasiness. 

 _Like, Kihyunnie, don’t feel pressured to you know, like me back!_ Hoseok quickly tapped out, worried of what Kihyun might think of him.  _I won’t rush you or force you to have feelings, we can stay just as friends!_ __  
_  
__I know Seok,_ Kihyun tapped out slowly and quietly, as if to drag time. I’m not sure how I feel...but there’ll be a day when I can tell you my answer.

 _Alight Kihyunnie, take your time._ Hoseok exhaled, not noticing that he hadn’t breathed for the entire time. That had gone better than he’d expect it to go. He had thought that Kihyun would plainly reject him, causing their friendship to be awkward. Or even Kihyun being disgusted in him and ignoring him for the rest of their lives. 

 _Thank you Seokkie, truly._ Kihyun replied, his earlier hesitancy disappearing and replacing with his quick, cheerful taps.

Hoseok smiled small, glad but disappointed. He wished that Kihyun would’ve said it back, but still being friends was one of the best other options. Tapping a quick good-bye to Kihyun,  he stood up and left the room.

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚 

 

Minhyuk loved it whenever the lighting changed, especially while he was painting. It was almost like the entire world was shifting around him- the way a dull and dingy room could so suddenly fill with light, illuminating every corner. Then, the light would drain from the room and leave him to bask in the shadows once more. It was a menace, he admitted, but it was a menace his childlike fascination could easily disregard. He loved the way it played out on his paintings like a scene in a movie, the way it made his pieces seem like they were telling stories.

These moments were only fleeting, but still he couldn’t help but sit back and watch it play out. Sighing, he dipped his brush into the mug of water, wishing that he could see it again. Hoseok had always wanted to see it happen with one of Minhyuk’s paintings.

 _Why am I thinking of him right now?_ Minhyuk reprimanded himself. It wasn’t like they hadn’t talked in days- they had. But for some reason he didn’t feel satisfied with their talks. Maybe it was because they never lasted for more than forty-five minutes, or because they never had anything to talk about aside from how their day had been (which evidently was not a very interesting topic to talk about at all).

The tension was so thick each time he could probably cut it with a knife that hadn’t been sharpened for years. And he hated that. He missed how easy-going and exciting their talks used to be. Now they were nothing but dry and empty.

He sighed again, wishing he could do something. He didn’t like how helpless he felt- he couldn’t confront him, it would only make him seem like he was jealous again. He dipped his brush into the water again, cleansing it thoroughly. Suddenly, he felt a tiny splash on his wrist. Looking down, he saw that there was now a little puddle of paint water on the floor.

 _I shouldn’t be taking my frustration out on my art supplies_ , he thought half-heartedly,  _it took so long for them to arrive, too._

He sighed for the third time. He knew it was his fault. He always gave such curt and apathetic responses to the point where it discouraged Hoseok as well. He was probably incredibly annoyed with him at this point.

 _God, if only I wasn’t so worried about him disappearing on me-_ Minhyuk bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut, stopping whatever sentence his mind was about to form. It would get him nowhere.

Minhyuk didn’t like to admit how much he was afraid of losing Hoseok. He didn’t like to admit how much he was afraid of anything, in fact.

It was an uneasiness that had always rested under his skin, no matter how many times he tried to brush it off. He didn’t know how long it had been there, or how it even manifested. But there were nights when it was all he could think of, to the point where he couldn’t even fall asleep.

 _Get over yourself_ , Minhyuk told himself,  _Fix your current problem first._

Just as he was about to dive into another depressing trance, a series of taps he was all too familiar with erupted from the window to his left.

_Minhyuk? Are you there?_

The corners of his mouth turned up. How neat was it for Hoseok to tap him just as he was thinking about him? That excitement was soon washed over with dread as he realized he didn’t know what to say to make their current situation less awkward. Setting down his supplies gently, he walked to his window and tapped back reluctantly.

_Yeah? I’m here._

_Oh god_ , thought Minhyuk, expecting another onslaught of awkward silence and meaningless conversation. However, he was proven wrong by the sudden outburst of frantic and nearly incomprehensible taps that came his way.

_Okay so you won’t believe what I just did- oh god should I even tell you this is so embarrassing- no I should tell you-_

Minhyuk’s hand was floating in the air, dazed and unsure of what to do. He couldn’t even think of how to reply as he was too busy trying to focus on understanding what Hoseok was tapping to him.

_Okay- so- I might have confessed- to Kihyun- I don’t know I-_

_Slow down, Hoseok_ , tapped Minhyuk despite nearly bursting with questions himself. What did he mean by confess? What had he said? How had Kihyun responded?

_Okay, tell me one by one what happened. I’m curious, too._

_Well, you see, it started with me being STUPID and DUMB and… god I need a thesaurus_ , his tapping wasn’t anything less frantic than before, putting in more strength for the words he clearly wanted to emphasize. Minhyuk decided that he would have to simply deal with it. As Hoseok told him what happened, Minhyuk couldn’t help but listen with fascination despite the pain of having to keep up. This was the kind of situation he could never have imagined happening outside of books and movies.

By the time Hoseok was finished, Minhyuk didn’t know what to say. His hands were afloat once more, seemingly about to tap a sentence but deciding against it at the last moment.

_Hoseok…_

_Yeah?_

_I always knew you were stupid, but I didn’t think you’d be that stupid. You’ve never been so bold, even to me._

There was a slight silence before Hoseok gave a reply that sounded so quiet Minhyuk had to lean in even more to catch it.

_Does that mean I messed up?_

Realizing that Hoseok had taken it to heart, he felt a slight twinge of guilt.

_No- I was just messing with you, Hoseok. You’re fine. I mean, it’s not like he flat-out rejected you or something, right? He wasn’t mean or awkward about it either, from the sounds of it. It’s a good thing he was honest and straightforward. I mean- he even thanked you for telling him! Doesn’t that boy live alone? Where did he learn to be so polite?_

There was another pause. Minhyuk raised an eyebrow.

_But still- nevermind, enough about me. What’s up for you? Is there anything new you’ve been working on?_

_Well, my supplies arrived yesterday._

_It was about time, huh?_

Minhyuk chuckled, feeling a warm and happy feeling rise from within. There were no more traces of tension in their conversation. He felt his worries disappear immediately.

_You know how I told you I was thinking of painting over the gloomy sunflower with my new supplies once they came?_

_Yeah?_

_Well, I was looking at it yesterday and I thought- hey, this actually has some personality to it. Which is why I’ve decided to start a new piece._

_Tell me about it._

Minhyuk turned his head to glance at the canvas behind him. Smiling at how well it looked from afar, he turned his head back around.

_Well, it was inspired by a few birds I saw flying past my window yesterday. I was thinking of painting a big, blue sky and that same exact bird flying in the air._

_Do you even remember what it looks like?_

_Well- no- but I managed to identify it. I have a few books on birds._

_Books on birds?_

_Non-fiction books? Have you never heard of them? Oh wait, you don’t read anyway._ There was a cheeky grin spread across his face by the time he finished that sentence. 

_Alright, I give up._

A split-second passed before Hoseok continued.

_I wish I could see a real bird. Not just for a second like I did yesterday- I want to see it fly across our neighbourhood, wings spread an all that. It just feels so… free. I could almost imagine myself as that bird. Completely unchained-_

_Do you really mean that?_ Minhyuk’s entire body grew tense. The conversation was venturing into an area he wasn’t comfortable with- and Minhyuk was making it worse for himself by pushing it even more.

 _Damn it_ , he swore at himself, and then froze. He never swore, even to himself. Biting his lip in frustration, he waited for Hoseok’s response, his heart pounding loudly in his ears.

There was silence.


	9. Fi Hefyd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I like you, not for how you look, for how pretty or ugly you may be, but for your sweet personality. For your endless patience with me, and for your understanding and sympathetic self.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!!! enjoy hehe
> 
>  
> 
> [@nana](https://twitter.com/ateexzm)   
>  [@dan](https://twitter.com/_flowerchae_)

 

December 24th, 2061: Christmas Eve.

Kihyun trudged from the kitchen holding utensils and table decors, bumping into the table leg as he leaned forward to drop them all on the table. Cursing softly under his breath, he ignored the pain and organized the cutlery. He was preparing a Christmas dinner for himself, with a simple dish of roasted turkey, mashed potatoes and other dishes- simple and ordinary. Kihyun was unoriginal; he had read somewhere that that was a tradition to eat those dishes on Christmas Eve and so he followed it. 

Christmas was a tradition he didn’t have much excitement for. He didn’t feel much excitement for any tradition to begin with. The only thing that made Christmas stand out from all the other same old traditions, was that it was the only tradition he remembered celebrating with his parents. There was a vague memory of him when he was two years old, a month over his birthday. His father had joked about not giving baby Kihyun his gift for Christmas, because they had spent all their money on buying Kihyun’s birthday present, which consisted of a children’s book and a toy camera. Baby Kihyun had felt his smile drop, his bottom lip sticking out and wobbling almost immediately. Before he bursted into tears, he made grabby hands at his father, calling out: “Mr. Sthanta will sthill give Kihyunnie his presthents!” 

His father had laughed, a loud, hearty sound that resonated across the warm room. “Naeun-ah! Did you hear that?” His father had scooped Kihyun up, calling for his mother. “Our little Kihyun thinks that Santa Claus will be bringing his presents instead of us!” 

His mother’s twinkling laugh rang out as she had stepped out of the kitchen with a tray of freshly made chocolate chip cookies. Handing one to Kihyun and one to his father, she placed the tray on the table. “Oh, let Kiki dream! He’s a little boy. Besides, your father is lying to you!” She had added as Kihyun bit into the chocolatey cookie with a grin of delight. “We already prepared your presents! We had them delivered to the north pole for some more packaging and Santa will bring them to you tonight with his present!”

At that, baby Kihyun straightened his back, eyes gleaming with excitement. So it was true! Santa Claus would really give Kihyunnie his presents! “Really?!” He screamed with joy, nearly dropping his cookie in happiness. Catching the crumbs of his cookie, his mother nodded. “Yep, really. Now, let’s go deliver the cookies and milk to Mr. Claus okay?”

Baby Kihyun nodded his head wildly, while shoving the rest of his cookie down. Brushing his hands so that the crumbs could fall, he ignored his father’s cries of dismay as they hit the carpet and took his mother’s hand. Dragging her to the kitchen, he had watched with slight impatience as she took out the milk from the fridge to pour into a small cup, then grab a spare plate from the side. Once he was sure that she was done, he dragged her back to the living room, where he had taken the empty plate from her to fill with cookies for Santa Claus. With his little hands, he had placed the full plate on the cabinet besides the Christmas tree and fireplace, gesturing at his mother to do the same with the milk. 

Standing back proudly to look at the treats placed out for his gift-giver, he clapped his hands in delight. 

His father had smiled gently at him, before going over to pull him into a hug. “Kihyunnie... Don’t you think that it’s time to rest now?” 

“No!” Kihyun had said a tad bit too loud. “No!” He said again, softer this time. “Kihyunnie wanna wait for Sthanta. Wanna sthee him.”

His mother had giggled at her son’s adorableness, unable to contain her cooing. “Kiki, Mr. Claus won’t come if you wait for him! Don’t you know? Mr. Claus only comes with his reindeers and Rudolph when the children are asleep, otherwise he wouldn’t give the presents!”

Baby Kihyun had gaped at his mother, unable to accept what he had just heard before turning to his father for confirmation. His father nodded. Kihyun had dropped his head and let out a big sigh of disappointment as he pulled himself away from his father. 

Later in the morning, Kihyun had woken up to the sound of Christmas carols and the snowy white streets as he flew towards the living room in excitement. Opening his presents was the best part of the day, besides later going outside to play with Hyungwon in the snow. 

 

 

 

Kihyun wrapped his unread novel in brown wrapping paper and a spare ribbon as he reminisced the past that he wished he was still part of. For Christmas this year, he’d discovered a novel from deep in his mother’s closet while cleaning one day, untouched and nearly as good as new. It was a little boring knowing what he would get for Christmas, but no one else could surprise him anyways. 

After placing his not-so-surprising gift under the Christmas tree that his parents had bought twenty-five years ago, he stood up to light a few candles. Kihyun brought the dishes that he had made from the kitchen to the table, setting it up before taking a seat. Digging into the meal, he stared out of the window that led to his neighbour’s house. He could see the stars that shone through the foggy glass, the only bright things showing on the dark, dingy glass. 

 _You’re as pretty as any star in the sky.”_ That was what Hoseok had told him the day before. He could feel the heat rise to his cheeks as he blushed a rosy colour, just remembering Hoseok’s words. He remembered when Hoseok had confessed to him, the mere thought of it leaving butterflies in his stomach. It made him feel giddy, excited and exhilarated at the same time. It left him dizzy and light-headed, in a good way. When Hoseok had said those three simple words, it felt as if it meant as much as the government sending the townspeople a letter of their release, their freedom. 

And so he sat and thought, and thought, then thought all over again. Finally coming to a result, he found himself staring at the edge of a waterfall. He was falling, and he knew. He couldn’t stop himself from tipping over, as it was only seconds away. He was then descending the furious streams of water, headfirst and eyes squeezed shut. 

He liked Hoseok too. 

Glancing up at the clock on the wall, he leaned back in realization that it was nearly midnight. Cleaning the table and taking the dishes away, Kihyun wondered what Hoseok might be doing for Christmas. He hoped that he was eating well, celebrating well, and laughing a lot with his mother. Peering back at the clock, he hurried towards the window that he was having a staring contest with earlier. Picking up the familiar pen that he used to code to Hoseok, he tapped a short message.

 _Hey, I hope I’m not disrupting anything or I don’t know..._ Kihyun stopped, pondered over his choice of words, before continuing. _Merry Christmas. Tell your mother I wished her a Merry Christmas as well._

 _Kihyunnie!_ Hoseok’s quick codes rang out right after Kihyun finished his last letter. _How are you! And yes, of course, of course, Merry Christmas to you too!_

 _I’m good haha, I just had dinner by myself...wrapped my own present and enjoyed the stars for a while… What about you?_ Kihyun replied softly, tapping quickly. 

 _By yourself?_ Kihyun could almost imagine Hoseok pouting. _You could’ve tapped to me before you started dinner! We could’ve eaten together! That would’ve been so much better than eating by yourself!_

Kihyun chuckled, his heart warm. _It’s alright Hoseokkie. I’ve been eating by myself for twenty years, it’s fine, I’m used to it._

 _B-but-_ Hoseok stopped. _Did Hoseok just stutter by code?_ Kihyun wondered to himself, the familiar fluttering entering his stomach once again. _Nevermind._ Kihyun could see Hoseok sulk in the corner of his eye. _My mother and I had dinner together, but we had wrapped each other’s present before, then we sang Christmas carols together! Oh- speaking of my mom, she’s here!_

Kihyun tensed up, not knowing what to say to Hoseok’s mother. He didn’t know how to talk to her, and he was afraid of saying the wrong things. Twisting his fingers together, he darted nervous glances at the clock. 11:40. 

 _My mom says hi!_ Hoseok tapped excitedly. _Oh...Oh she said- Oh ahaha_

 _What did she say?_ Kihyun interrupted Hoseok’s cute stumblings. Curious, he leaned forward to listen better. 

 _She- she asked if you were the person who made me fall in love._ Hoseok tapped so quietly that Kihyun almost couldn’t hear. 

 _Oh._ Kihyun leaned back, eyes wide. _Fall...fall in love?_

 _Don’t listen to her please haha, she’s joking, I just like you._ Hoseok hurriedly added, his taps rushed and unclear. 

 _Tell your mother it’s fine and that I feel privileged that her son likes me._ Kihyun coded back,

 _O-Okay,_ Hoseok tapped hesitantly. A silence rested in Kihyun’s kitchen as Hoseok relayed his message to his mother. _My mom says that that’s great. She says that she’ll leave us alone now. She- She also added to tell you to treat me well._

Kihyun cracked another smile, hands relaxing by his sides. _Tell your mother not to be concerned. Of course I will._

Another silence filled the room and Kihyun buried his face in his hands in embarrassment. 

_Wow…I really said that._

_Seokkie?_ Kihyun coded out. 

 _Yeah I’m here._ Hoseok seemed to have regained his courage again. 

 _I have something to tell you._ Kihyun tapped out slowly, while glancing at his clock. 11:58. 

_Yeah, what’s that?_

_I thought over what you told me yesterday...and I have an answer to it now._ Kihyun tapped quietly and quickly, making emphasis on each longer line of code. 

 _Wow._ Kihyun could visualize Hoseok chuckling out of nervousness and exhaled. _I didn’t have to wait long._

 _Yeah…_ Kihyun took another deep breath and check the time again. 11:59. He had exactly one minute to say what he wanted to say. 

 _I’m going to say this quickly once, and I won’t repeat it, okay?_ Not waiting for Hoseok’s reply, Kihyun continued. _I like you too._ The clock struck midnight. _I’ve liked you for a long time already. I just don’t think I ever came to realize it, or face it. I had thought that it was impossible to fall in love with someone without hearing their voice, nor seeing their face. Yet with you, my expectations changed. I like you, not for how you look, for how pretty or ugly you may be, but for your sweet personality. For your endless patience with me, and for your understanding and sympathetic self. I like you for being so hardworking and brave, opinionated and smart. I like you for you._

 _Wow._ Hoseok tapped back after a long silence between them. _Really, wow._

A longer pause.

Biting at his inner cheek, Kihyun fretted over what Hoseok might think of him. He liked him, that was for sure. But what if he was being too cheesy- what if he was too direct? What if Hoseok didn’t like him anymore? 

 _I’m sorry, I’m unable to give you any christmas gifts because you deserve everything, but I’m sorry that I couldn’t do anything to prepare something._ Kihyun added quietly and tentatively.

 _No no what shut up, you couldn’t give me anything physical anyways-_ Hoseok coded back, rushing all his taps. Kihyun winced slightly as he could hear Hoseok’s inhuman howl fill his ears instead of small pebble-like taps. _This is the best present ever, don’t send gifts you can’t, but the words that you said to me- thank you for liking me back, I like you too._

Kihyun grinned and celebrated with a mini-dance, unable to hide his joy. _Don’t thank me. My heart does whatever it wants to do._

 _Y-Your heart chose me?_ Hoseok tapped out softly. 

 _Of course._ Kihyun replied. _There was no one else for me to choose either so-_

 _Oh yeah right right right,_ Hoseok grumbled softly. _Stop reminding me that the reason that you like me is because I’m the only person to like._

At that, Kihyun felt his brows furrowed in confusion. _Hey hey hey hey,_ _wait_ _a moment, what?_

_Aren’t you? You had no one to talk to, so you kept on talking to me. I told you that I like you, and you said that you liked me back and pitied me. Maybe you do actually like me...but who knows for sure-_

_Wait, no, stop,_ Kihyun tapped out firmly, putting more weight on each tap. _I didn’t say that I pitied you, so I like you. I like you. Didn’t you hear what I coded out for you earlier? About the reasons why I like you?_

 _Yeah I did...but..._ Hoseok stopped, as if to take a short break. _But...I have insecurities, you know. I guess I_ _just_ _keep doubting…_

 _I won’t leave you,_ Kihyun took a deep breath. _I won’t leave you, not in a million years. I like you. And I know that from your past...there had been unpleasant things that happened, but you have to trust me. Maybe you’ve never seen me before, you don’t know how I really face problems, treat situations and all that stuff, but based on what you know about me...I guess I should be pretty trustworthy?_

 _You are._ Hoseok tapped immediately. _I trust you. I just don’t...I don’t trust myself._

 _Haha,_ Kihyun tapped, amused. _You don’t trust your decision of telling me that you like me?_

 _No no no!!!_ Hoseok tapped out frantically. _Not that! I do trust my decision! It’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made!_ _  
_

Kihyun blushed once again, pale pink dusting his cheekbones. Ever since he started to talk to Hoseok, it was like as if he couldn’t stop blushing and getting flustered. He was curious whether Hoseok felt the same way. _Really?_ Kihyun asked timidly, trying to fight the will to screech like Hoseok. _No Kihyun, be the mature and calm one._

 _Y-Yes,_ Hoseok slowly tapped out, stuttering a little. 

 _You know the thing that you do,_ Kihyun added. _When you stutter in your codes?_

 _Yeah?_ Hoseok replied. 

 _It’s so endearing. And adorable. And so very you._ Kihyun replied, his cheeks starting to hurt from smiling too wide and long. 

_It’s adorable?_

_Yes it is! So adorable, I can imagine you tapping out the words right now, with a cute pout on your face and a concentrated look-_ Kihyun stopped tapping. His words were getting weirder and weirder. 

_Noooooooooooooooo-_

Kihyun waited patiently for the series of “o’s” to disappear.

 _-oooo! This is too soft to handle, please babe, you-_ Hoseok appeared to be flustered, slipping over a few details of the code.

On cue, Kihyun’s heart started racing. His breath quickened and sweat formed on his palms. _Babe._ He hoped he didn’t hear wrong, or maybe Hoseok had made a mistake in the code. But he was _so_ sure that he had just heard Hoseok call him the pet name. 

At the exact same time, Hoseok could be found off his chair and onto the floor, pulling himself in a tight ball, face scrunched up with embarrassment. He rocked back and forth on the floor, like a five-year old, eyes squeezed shut. _Stupid Hoseok, stupid Hoseok._ He thought to himself, as he replayed the previous scene over and over again in his head, wincing every single time. _You called Kihyunnie “babe”! Maybe too far?_ It was probably way too far ahead, heck, they weren’t even boyfriends yet! 

 _What are you doing on the floor then? Rolling like a ball of dust?_ With a sigh, Hoseok picked himself up again from the floor, dusting at his clothes before taking a seat. Kihyun hadn’t replied to his slip-up, could he be angry or shocked?

 _Kihyunnie?_ There came Hoseok’s hesitant codes. _Did I say anything wrong?_

Kihyun smirked to himself. Two could play this game. _No you didn’t, baby. Everything’s fine._ Once he coded the last letter, Kihyun waited for Hoseok’s reply. 

_In three, two, one._

A loud, awful sound filled Kihyun’s ears as he reeled back, eyes blown wide at the sound. It reverberated across the room in a high pitch, cutting the once peaceful silence. 

Kihyun grimaced, lifting up a hand to cover an ear, while the other tapped to Hoseok desperately. _Hoseok, Hoseok, Hoseok! Calm down, calm down, it’s just a pet name-_

The screeching stopped and the beautiful sound of rain against a window reappeared. _I’m sorry I’m so sorry, I just- “babe” had slipped out, I wasn’t going to use it just yet-_

 _But you were going to use it, right?_ Kihyun tapped, his grimace fading away to a small smile. 

_Y-Yeah._

_So…,_ an idea popped into Kihyun’s head as he smiled mischievously. _You’re the baby and I’m the babe?_

 _Aaah sjsjsjs_ Hoseok coded out of nowhere. 

 _Did you just...tap out something that is supposed to be texted as? What do you call it again, a keyboard smash?_ Kihyun asked curiously. Hoseok was really so adorable.

 _Ah shut up,_ Hoseok replied, pouting. _Stop teasing my inability to talk to you properly! I’m still trying to recover, stop._

Kihyun cooed. _Okay but what did teens call this, like thirty years ago? Gay panicking?_

 _Shut up, I’m not talking to you anymore, I hate you, bye._ Hoseok replied, his pout deepening. 

 _Awww, nah, you like me._ Kihyun tapped slyly. 

 _That I do._ Hoseok replied, equally as sly. 

And this time, it was Kihyun who remained speechless.

 

 __  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Thump!

Hoseok opened his eyes slowly, slightly dazed from being awoken so suddenly. There was a feeling of drowsiness lingering in his senses, his eyes seeming unusually heavy.

_ That’s because you didn’t sleep until one in the morning, you idiot. You were so busy talking to Kihyun- _

He shot up, shaking off the remnants of sleep in his system.

_ Kihyun. _

His heart jumped up to his throat, threatening to leave his body completely. His eyes darted everywhere, trying to ignore the feeling. They landed on his bedroom window. Despite his window nearly touching his neighbours, he could see the snow piling on his windowsill, nearly falling over-

_ Thump! _

The pile of snow shifted slightly and then slid clean off of the ledge.

_ So that’s what woke me up, huh?  _

Focusing his eyes a bit more, he could see tiny snowflakes float from the sky. A slight smile graced his lips at the sight. It hadn’t snowed in nearly a week. He couldn’t help but admit there was still a small part of him that felt that childish exhilaration at the sight of snow. 

Suddenly, everything about the night before- every single moment- came crashing down on him. His eyes widened and a tiny part of him wanted to bury himself under the covers. Then. another realization hit him.

It was Christmas Day. 

The amount of emotions swirling inside of him was overwhelming, and he couldn’t identify all of them. There was only one word he could use to summarize it all: happy. He felt happy. That bright, bubbling feeling that rose from his stomach to his chest to his throat until he couldn’t contain it anymore.

Trying incredibly hard not to self-combust, he took a deep breath and thought about Kihyun. The fact that he had said yes to his confession. He brought hishands to his face suddenly, covering his cheeks. They were hotter than a steaming bowl of ramen. Whimpering, he collapsed back down onto the bed, curling into a little ball. 

_ Get over yourself, Hoseok, you need to get up and ready. It’s Christmas Day. _

Groaning, he uncurled himself and begrudgingly pulled himself back up. He swung his legs over the bed and onto the floor, slipping them into his worn down pair of slippers.

_ I should get some new ones, soon _ , he thought as he stared at his clothing rack. For some reason, he wanted to look nice today. It was stupid, he knew that- nobody aside from his mother would be able to see it anyway. Realizing that there was no point even thinking about it, he trudged to the kitchen feeling heavier than usual. The smell of his favourite pancakes wafted through the air, bringing a smile to his face.

_ Pancakes on Christmas Day? Perfect. _

The dark hallways suddenly seemed to brighten up a bit. Even the slightly ajar door to the creepy study didn’t bother him anymore. The fragrance grew stronger and stronger to the point where Hoseok felt like he was being pulled into the kitchen by it. When he entered, he saw his mother sitting down at the dining table with a novel spread open in her hands. Noticing Hoseok’s presence, a smile automatically planted on her face.

“You’re awake!” His mother sounded excited as she slid a bookmark in her novel and set it down, “I was waiting for you so we could eat together.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” Asked Hoseok as he grabbed a plate from one of the many cupboards in his kitchen.

“You were sleeping so peacefully, I didn’t want to disturb you. Plus, you stayed up so late last night talking to your friend.”

Hoseok could feel a blush crawl up his neck and tinge his ears as he pulled a chair from under the table and grabbed a pancake. 

“Right,” he said bashfully, as he stared at his pancakes. His mother never add ed anything extra to his pancakes- only syrup, and maybe a slice of butter. But today there were tiny little Christmas-themed shapes in red and green sprinkled across the pancakes. Seeing that brought a smile to his face, the happy feeling in his chest becoming even larger. His mother seemed to notice the goofy little smile plastered on his face and reciprocated it.

“Why are you so happy today? I’m sure it’s not only because it’s Christmas Day.”

Deciding to push all thoughts of Kihyun and the night before aside, he replied, “It’s because of how good the pancakes are, Mom. I love how you decided to put Christmas sprinkles on it. Where did you even get them?” He couldn’t imagine his mother sending an e-letter to the government asking for Christmas themed sprinkles. 

A sparkle seemed to appear in his mother’s eyes as he spoke those words. Hoseok couldn’t think of a time where he had felt so happy.

“I believe I sent an e-letter to the government to request for them a year or two ago along with a bunch of other Christmas supplies. I never ended up using them though.”

Hoseok couldn’t help but chuckle at the fact that his mother did actually send a request for them.

“I know, it’s ridiculous,” she continued, her smile unfaltering. “I wonder who received that letter and how they reacted. How many other people have requested for something like that?”

“There have probably been even weirder requests sent to the government, Mom,” Hoseok replied, trying to think of an example.

“I’ve considered asking for thirty pounds of pure lemon juice once,” his mother’s eye grew pensive, seemingly lost in her memory. Hoseok covered his mouth to stifle a laugh but ultimately failed.

“ _Thirty pounds_? What were you even making?”

“I was trying to see how much pure lemon I could make a lemon tart with before it reached an ungodly state of sourness,” she chuckled lightly, returning to the present. “Of course, I never sent it. Figured it was a lost cause. Whoever received it would probably have laughed and then deleted it from the inbox.”

As they talked about the many outrageous things people could have requested to the government, they wolfed down the pancakes and laughed to their heart’s content. 

After scrubbing the last dish to perfection, he set it onto the drying rack and dried his hands with a towel. It was time to pay his best friend a visit. But not literally, of course. That was impossible. Satisfied from a full stomach and getting the dishes done, Hoseok walked back to his bedroom with a smile on his face. 

_ Min? _

Within a minute or two, Minhyuk replied.

_ Hoseokkie! Merry Christmas! _

Hoseok grinned at Minhyuk’s cheery greeting and tapped back.

_ Merry Christmas! What did you eat for breakfast? _

There was a tiny pause before Minhyuk replied.

_ I had toast. That’s such a random question. Why did you ask that? _

Hoseok’s smile turned into a cheeky grin.

_ My mom made me pancakes with Christmas sprinkles on them. _

There was another pause but this time it was longer.

_ You asked that to brag, huh? You rude little kid- _

_ I’m older than you, Minhyuk. _

_ Doesn’t matter. I’m older than you in spirit.  _

Hoseok couldn’t help but burst out in laughter. Leave it to Minhyuk to say such ridiculous things.

_ Anyways, how has the day been for you so far? Anything exciting? Aside from toast? _

Hoseok made sure to emphasize the taps for toast to annoy Minhyuk even further. He could almost see Minhyuk roll his eyes at him. Except he couldn’t. Obviously. To his dismay, Minhyuk brushed it off.

_ No- but there will be. We were going to have a Christmas dinner part two tonight and I’m going to have to help later. _

_ Part two? How did that happen?  _

_ We didn’t finish all the turkey last night and my dad thought it felt wrong to finish it without the rest of the Christmas stuff. _

_ You _ _ r _ _ family’s weird, Minhyuk. _

_ You know that already. _

An empty silence hovered above them before a sudden rush of emotions overcame him.

_ Wait, Minhyuk, I have something to tell you.  _ His taps were rushed and excited, and he was sure that Minhyuk could tell.

_ What is it? And calm down, Hoseok. _

_ Okay, so, you know how I confessed to Kihyun and all that? _

_ Yes? Did he respond? What did he say?  _

Hoseok grinned at how eager Minhyuk sounded to hear the answer.

_ He… he said yes! He said he liked me too and… he did it on Christmas Eve! What a way to… wow. _

Hoseok could barely contain himself as he told Minhyuk everything Kihyun had said to him last night, with quite a few interruptions with Minhyuk telling him to take a breath and calm down. 

After he finished, he wrung his hands in the air from exhaustion. 

_ I have two things to say _ , tapped Minhyuk.  _ First of all, congratulations. I can’t believe he actually liked an idiot like you back. Second of all, what are you doing talking to me? He confessed to you last night and here you are, ignoring him like a doofus? Go talk to him!  _

Hoseok thought back to when Minhyuk was upset at him for ignoring him for Hoseok, and smiled at how much things had changed. 

_ Okay, Min. Thanks. Bye. _

With his unrelenting smile, he walked over to the kitchen and sat down on his stool.

_ Kihyunnie? _

A long silence. Hoseok twisted his fingers nervously as he waited for Kihyun to reply to his answer. Kihyun would often be cleaning his rooms, turning on his two vacuums that were so loud he couldn’t hear Hoseok’s taps. 

_ Kihyunnie?  _ He tried again. Waiting patiently, he fiddled with the pen that laid on the table beside him, uncapping and recapping, over and over again.

_ Seokkie!  _ There was Kihyun’s cheerful taps.  _ Good morning and Merry Christmas! Did you sleep well? _

_ Yes!  _ Hoseok replied cutely, beaming at the window that led to Kihyun, as if it could make Kihyun see his smile. He immediately dropped the pen back onto the table and turned his attention to the window.  _ How about you?  _

_ I slept well too, it was pretty warm in my covers, so that was amazing.  _

_ That’s great!  _ Hoseok replied, a little too enthusiastically.

They both sunk into silence but instead of the comfortable silence both knew well, it was surprisingly awkward. Both were avoiding the topic of yesterday, too shy and  hesitant . 

_ So...How was your breakfast?  _ It was Kihyun who had broke n the silence.

Hoseok raised an eyebrow, laughing at how  awkward both of them seemed. It was as if they were meeting each other for the first time, and neither of them knew what was appropriate to say.   _ It was good haha, the usual you know, with pancakes that my mom made, some Christmas themed sprinkles on it. It was amazing, along with the protein shake. _

_Wow, that’s nice,_ Kihyun replied. Hoseok knitted his brows together. Kihyun would usually scold Hoseok for his choice for breakfast, but he didn’t this time. _Weird_ _,_ Hoseok thought to himself, twisting his head around to check at his mother, who was currently bent over a novel. 

_ I’m sorry ahaha,  _ Hoseok tapped, desperately trying to find something to say.  _ This is a little awkward.  _

Kihyun must’ve been as red and flustered as Hoseok because all he coded was: “ _ Haha...you’re right.” _

_ Oh my god, this is literally hopeless,  _ Kihyun tapped out, right after his last line full of  embarrassment .

Hoseok laughed, unable to disagree, _As hopeless as you having the chance to grow any taller?_

Height was something that Hoseok teased Kihyun often about, although the younger man was only three centimeters shorter than him. Maybe it was that Kihyun was small and more on the feminine side that Hoseok liked to tease him about. It was nice though. Small, huggable and cuddly.

_ Oh my god, shut up already,  _ Kihyun tapped, embarrassment seeping in.  _ I’m literally not that short, I have no idea why in the world would you constantly have to bring that up-  _

_ What? It’s cute. I can hug you better, squeeze you tight and cuddle you! Including putting you in my pocket!  _ Hoseok replied, forgetting about their current situation.

_ Pocket!!!  _ Kihyun tapped loudly.  _ Pockets? I wouldn’t fit!  _

_ Oh shush, you would, you’re so small like a hamster,  _ Hoseok tapped out, grinning from ear to ear. 

_ Oh, shut up. But to the other sentence...That... _ Kihyun tapped out wistfully.  _ That would be amazing. If we could do that. _

Immediately, Hoseok’s smile dropped from his face, and replaced itself with a frown. Right. They couldn’t, and they never would. 

_ Hey, hey baby?  _ Kihyun tapped out, as if knowing what Hoseok was thinking about.  _ Don’t feel sad about it. It’s fine, as long as we still have each other.  _

Hoseok sniffed slightly.  _ Oh god, why are you so cheesy,  _ Hoseok dragged out, huffing out his breaths.  _ Stoooop, it’s making me flustered.  _

_ Haha, aren’t you always- _

_ Meanie, I’m only flustered after I met you! Shut up.  _ Hoseok replied, sticking his lower lip out in a pout. A question bothered him from the beginning of the conversation and he wondered if it was the right time to ask. Whatever the result may be, he pressed on.

_ Hey Kihyunnie?  _

_ Yeah?  _ There was Kihyun’s soft, quick reply. 

_Hey…_ _what are we?_ Hoseok asked tentatively, unsure of what Kihyun might code to his inquiry.

_ What do you mean?  _

_ Like...our relationship? Friendship?  _ Hoseok asked, rushing all his codes. 

A pause.

_ Boyfriends _ _ , _ _ duh.  _ In a flourish, Kihyun tapped out the simple line of code. 

Hoseok didn’t know what came over him but another inhuman screech that sounded all too familiar erupted into the air, filled with an incredulous mixture of both horror and joy. 

A million half-whispered “oh my gods” filled the room as Hoseok tried not to fall off of his seat. There was no doubt he was redder than a tomato at this point.

_ I could hear that. _

At that, he shrieked in an even higher pitch, the sound filling the room and almost shaking the layered windows. That was when Hoseok’s mother entered the room. 

With her hands on her hips,  she stared down at her son who was currently on the floor. Her eyes flew to the window where Kihyun had gone silent and raised an eyebrow. 

“Yoo Kihyun-ssi!” She yelled over Hoseok’s cries of dismay. At the sound of her voice above him, he fell immediately silent, positively bright red in embarrassment. “What in the  _ world  _ did you do to my poor son?” She demanded, staring out at the windows. “Why the hell is he on the floor, yelling like a headless chicken?” 

“Mom!” Hoseok whined like a five-year old, pouting as he sat up. “Stop, you’re embarrassing me.”

“Well then don’t make this man do that to you! Be strong, what have I taught you all these years?” Ms Lee, Yejin, nearly looked comical as she stood with defiantly, peering down at her son.

_ Oh my god.  _ At that moment, Kihyun tapped, sounding shocked.  _ Did your mom- Oh my god Hoseok oh my god Ms. Lee, I am so very sorry, but I really did nothing- _

“Sorry huh?” His mother snatched a pen on the nearby table before coding furiously.  _ “Really did nothing” doesn’t explain to me why my son is desperately trying to gather air to breathe- _

_ Wait, Ms. Lee?  _ Kihyun tapped out curiously.  _ You know the Morse Code as well?  _

_ Of course!!  _ Came Hoseok’s mother’s furious answer.  _ I was the one who forced the book onto his hands at age four! I was the one who had suggested him to use it! I was the one who had discussed with Minhyuk’s parents to start letting them code to each other- surely you must know Minhyuk- But of course I’d have to know how to as well!  _

Still on the floor, Hoseok wondered if any of his other neighbors had heard his shrieks, for example Minhyuk. If Minnie did end up hearing them, he’d ask why and as soon as Hoseok would tell him, he’d tease him for that for as long as he lived.  He would never hear the end of it. Groaning in pain from his position, he tried to pull himself up from the hardwood floor. 

With one look at him, his mother burst into laughter, the sound  reverberating across the room. Hoseok himself started chuckling a little out of anxiety.

“Well then, I’ll leave you to it.” His mother said with a kind smile on her face. Lee Yejin took one look at Hoseok and the boy he liked, Kihyun’s situation and knew immediately what they would end up like. They would never become a fully functional couple for obvious reasons. With their circumstances, they’d never be able to meet each other. They wouldn’t be able to do the things that other typical couples did, like going out for dates, skinship and others. It would inevitably end with either her son’s heart-breaking literally or figuratively. But what could she do to stop Hoseok from his destiny? Hoseok was a romantic, he was a dreamer. If it could be anyone, Hoseok would definitely not listen to her, whether she was his mother or not.

As soon as Yejin had left the room, an awkward silence filled the room once again. The clock on the wall ticked on as both remained quiet, the tiny creak of the hardwood floor, and the slight ringing in the air could be heard. 

Finally, it was Kihyun who interrupted the pause.  _ So _ _ , _ _ Seokkie...How are things going to work then? _

_ What do you mean?  _ Hoseok asked out of confusion, his mind whirling  possible meanings. 

_ Well the problem is,  _ Kihyun started, tapping as quickly and as clearly as he could.  _ We can’t physically interact. Like things like, holding hands, going on cute dates, hugging, cuddling, and...other things...How are we supposed to do things that normal couples do in other towns and cities?  _

Hoseok felt himself blush, warmth crawling up his neck to his ears, then finally his cheeks. He was sure that he most likely looked like as if he was suntanned, but at least no one could see how he looked.  _ Well, shit you’re right.  _ His taps were almost erratic, because of his thumping heart and quickening breaths. 

_ Then...let’s just focus on ourselves for now okay? We’ll figure it out as we go, Kihyunnie. We have all the time in the world,  _ Hoseok tapped out softly, trying so hard to fight the blush down.

_ Alright then,  _ Kihyun replied cheerfully. The absence of sound between both was comfortable, as if they were merely sinking into the quiet of the morning.  _ Wait, Hoseok,  _ Kihyun coded out abruptly.  _ Are you still blushing right now? _

With a small yelp, Hoseok nearly fell off his stool. 

_ Fuck you, Yoo Kihyun,  _ He thought to himself, grumbling as he picked himself up from the floor for the ninth time.  _ Really, fuck you and your confidence.  _

  
  



	10. Gresynu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How it happened, Kihyun was unsure. But at the end of the day, Hoseok had him wrapped around his finger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're sorry we forgot about hiraeth-
> 
>  
> 
> [@nana](https://twitter.com/ateexzm)   
>  [@dan](https://twitter.com/_flowerchae_)

 

December 31st, 2061: New Year’s Eve.

 

As days passed, Kihyun and Hoseok grew even closer than before. Maybe it was the magic of being boyfriends, but both started to find even more things about each other. There were times when they laughed at each other for each other’s incompetencies, there were times when Kihyun teased and mocked  Hoseok playfully about his habits, while Hoseok did the same back. There were times when both described the things that they loved doing and how the other meant to them whenever one of them felt unhappy.

 Sometimes, Hoseok’s mother would join in on their conversations, getting to know more about Kihyun and about Hoseok and Kihyun’s relationship together. She acted like a police officer for both, guarding their words, wary of the terms that they might use for each other. Once, Kihyun had accidentally let his pet name for Hoseok (baby) slip and instead of frowning upon it like Hoseok had expected his mother to do, she squealed with delight and cooed at the pet name. Hoseok had blushed so hard, he was positive that he was bright red. 

All three of them however, had been extremely cautious with staring at their hands while tapping. Knowing very well that the government could see everything, they kept their attention on various objects, instead of staring directly at the window or at whatever they were coding. The lenses were something they could never take out. It was implanted in their eye, unlike regular lenses which could be placed carefully. 

There had been someone in the town a few years ago who did try to remove the lens. He was driven mad by desperation, which explained why he was willing to nearly remove his eyeball to get the lenses out. The poor man, he went blind in that eye a week later and the government had found out. As a result, the man was given a serious consequence that no one would dare to speak of, and a lifetime in prison. 

Besides communicating with Kihyun and his mother nearly every single day, he paid Minhyuk more attention. He was careful not to disrupt him while he was painting, and tapped in only when he was sure that Minhyuk wouldn’t be painting at that time of the day. 

Through his talks with Minhyuk, he got to tell him more about Kihyun, while telling Kihyun more of Minhyuk. He told Minhyuk about the types of foods that Kihyun liked and disliked to eat, told Minhyuk about some of Kihyun talents and others. Minhyuk listened with great patience, and once he was done, they’d talk a little more about Kihyun before launching themselves into another discussion about the weirdest things they could think of. 

Hoseok told Kihyun about Minhyuk’s art hobbies, his hate for cucumbers, and a few stories from when they were young. One of Kihyun’s favourite stories was the time when they were out on a playground when Minhyuk had pushed little Hoseok so hard off of the slide he tumbled and landed in the mud. He could almost imagine how Hoseok must’ve looked, crying on the dirt and covered in dark, soggy mud. 

Of course for Minhyuk, similar stories came from Hoseok. Kihyun seemed like someone who would fit to be a mother, nagging and caring. Minhyuk heard how he always scolded Hoseok for his unhealthy food choices, telling Hoseok to remember to clean his room, and reminding Hoseok to wear an extra layer when it got cold in the house. He was also sweet and evil to Hoseok at the same time, which Minhyuk approved of. As said from Hoseok, Kihyun would tease him often, throw a few comebacks here to there, as well as making somewhat savage remarks. 

That, Minhyuk accepted. He started to like Kihyun more and more, each day that Hoseok came to him complaining about how Kihyun teased him. If Kihyun and Minhyuk were friends, they’d become best friends quickly and probably be bullying each other out of love every waking moment. 

Kihyun seemed kind, he was warm to Hoseok, treated him well and that was all Minhyuk really cared about. Looking over at the window, he listened carefully to how Hoseok described him.

 _...You cannot imagine_ _,_ _Minhyuk! He says that he has these ugly cheek dimples on his cheekbones, but I bet it looks adorable on him. He’s always putting himself down, and so I’m always dragging him back up. He also told me when we first met that he had eyes that crinkled into slits when he smiled, and his smile! Oh dear god, his smile is probably so wide, so beautiful. Just imagine him, Minhyuk, wouldn’t he…_ Hoseok’s taps faded out once again as Minhyuk smiled to himself. Kihyun was truly one lucky man to have deserved Hoseok.

Hoseok was too kind for his own good, too caring and sensitive. He was glad that Hoseok was fortunate enough to have had Kihyun as his next door neighbor. As long as Hoseok, Kihyun, and his parents were happy, he was happy too. 

Back at Kihyun’s house, he lay slumped on his chair facing the window as he coded to Hoseok. They had been talking about New Years and a few of his resolutions that he wanted to complete. Some included successfully learning how to strum his guitar, teaching himself how to compose songs with the help of Hoseok, and reading a few more new novels after asking the government to give him a few. He wasn’t sure whether or not the government would allow and donate him books so easily, but Hoseok had urged him to try. He had told him how Minhyuk had tried to get his painting supplies despite all his doubt and they had given it to him.

 _What about you?_ Kihyun asked curiously. _What are you thinking of completing for next year? Do you have any plans?_

 _Yeah, some,_ Hoseok replied, quickly running through the list in his mind. He had spent a few days thinking about them, a few were quite ambitious and one unreaching. Pursing his lips together, he started tapping out a few for Kihyun.

They consisted of things such as learning how to cook with the help of his mother, composing a few more songs of his own, and reading a few more novels. There was one unspoken resolution though, dangerous and risky, yet Hoseok was tempted to complete it. 

 _Hoseok?_ It was Kihyun.

 _Yes?_ Hoseok replied, brushing his bangs back. He needed to cut them again, the long thin strands of black slipping from his fingers. 

_Do you remember one of the very first conversations we had? It was bland, so bland ugh._

Hoseok snorted out a laugh, remember very clearly how awkward both had been at first. _Yeah, of course I remember haha, that conversation could scar listeners if they knew about it._

 _Oh shush, cut us some slack,_ Kihyun replied, bringing a hand to his mouth to try to stop his smile from growing any bigger. _We were worried- well I was- of getting in trouble and I hadn’t communicated with a single person for ten years._

 _True, except it wouldn’t even be called “getting in trouble” if the government had caught us like this,_ Hoseok replied quickly. _It would be more like “commi_ _t_ _ting suicide unknowingly”._

 _It wouldn’t be unless they find out,_ Kihyun replied, grinning deviously. 

 _Okay, but do you remember when you first used the Morse Code?_ Hoseok switched the topic. It was heading into a matter that he didn’t want to think of. _You were stumbling along the codes, and you wrote in sentences like “How old you?” or “This no like”, I thought that you were going to become a toddler again-_

 _Oh my god, I didn't know the code, okay?_ Kihyun coded back, slumping down further on his chair in a sulk. _I wasn’t like you or Minhyuk, using that weird coding thing for almost all your life! And I wanted to get my points across, so obviously I would try to simplify my sentences as much as I can, but also make you understand._

 _Thank you, though,_ Hoseok tapped suddenly. _You learned this code for me, and you were smart enough to know that my codes weren’t just sounds of pebbles or birds. You’re also risking your life to talk to me, thank you._

 _Don’t thank me,_ Kihyun tapped back, eyes widening with surprise. Having Hoseok say that out of the blue was incredibly surprising. _I wanted to talk to you. Maybe it was because I’ve heard these codes before...that I knew them immediately? Weird, though, considering I don’t think that any of my family members knew the morse code._

_It must’ve been someone. Your father perhaps? You’ve been with him longer then your mother..._

Kihyun frowned as he drummed at the windowsill softly. He was sure that his mother never talked about coding or did anything related to it, his father? He was holed up in his study for most the time. Squeezing his eyes shut, Kihyun racked his brain, trying to remember how and where he heard the Morse Code. 

 _I’m not certain,_ Kihyun replied, giving up after a while. He couldn’t be silent for so long, otherwise Hoseok would be worried. _I’ll think of it one day and tell you!_

 _Okay!!_ Hoseok answered cutely, his little taps quick and eager.

Kihyun smiled to himself and leaned his head against the window. Hoseok was truly such an endearing and precious person to talk to.

 _Hoseok, Hoseok, Hoseok_ , he repeated the name in his head. He couldn’t describe the feelings he felt towards that name. The way it seemed to roll off his tongue like magic, and how it sounded almost like music whenever he tapped it out in Morse code. It was a name that filled his mind whenever he had nothing to think about (which was a lot). There was just so _much_ he felt for him, like a million stars scattered across the universe- yet he couldn’t read any of them. There was simply something about Hoseok’s character that Kihyun couldn’t help but be drawn to. It was like a wave lulling him closer and closer until he could no longer fight against it. 

How it happened, Kihyun was unsure. But at the end of the day, Hoseok had him wrapped around his finger.

Hoseok had somehow broken through every single barrier Kihyun built, layer by layer until he found his way into his heart. He’d opened up parts of him that he was too afraid to meet- and vice versa. Hoseok was so sweet. So kind, so caring, and so understanding. 

 _And so adorable too_ , Kihyun told himself as he wrapped his covers around himself. It was another one of these moments where he could think of nothing else but Hoseok. He loved so many simple things about him- the way he stuttered in code, how overly excited he could be at times, and so much more. The smiles and laughs that Hoseok managed bring to him and the feeling of safety and hope, was everything Hoseok gave to him. He had brought Kihyun to like himself more, regret less of the past and move on to the future. He had made Kihyun _excited_ to know what was ahead. To wonder about the possibilities and chances.

Allowing his eyes to flutter shut, he sighed and wished himself a Happy New Year. It wasn’t the empty and forlorn sigh he was accustomed to. It was filled with a sense of… content, and something else. Something else, so close to gratitude. Kihyun thought for a moment, and a smile began to tug at the corners of his mouth. It was gratitude. Gratitude that he had met somebody like Hoseok, even in a town where nobody could go where they wanted or see who they wanted.

Even though he was living in hell, it was still a blessing to have met an angel like Hoseok.

After all, Hoseok was what was saving him from descending into a pit of insanity that would surely have been the fate of somebody who was alone forever. Kihyun couldn’t imagine how his life would be without Hoseok. He didn’t even want to think about it. Even though they had known each other for only a month, it still meant more than the eight long years he had spent wandering around the house by himself.

He thought of his parents, who had succumbed to the sickness of this society years ago. He hoped that they could be proud of him, proud of him for finding somebody to fill the gap in his heart. Whether it meant to put his life in line, he hoped that they were still proud of his choices. Silently, and with an ache in his heart, he wished them a Happy New Year as he did every year.

Lastly, he thought of Hyungwon, the ache in his heart growing stronger and stronger the more he thought of him. 

 _How is he_ ? _Is he doing well?_ Kihyun didn’t know who he was asking, but that didn’t matter. Was Hyungwon eating well in prison? Was he still even breathing? Kihyun shuddered, and forced himself to stop only to let a wave of guilt wash over him again. He had so many regrets- too many for a 21 year old to be able to shoulder on his own. 

 _Happy New Year, Hyungwonnie_ , Kihyun thought as he drifted out of consciousness.

  


🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

 

  _Drip. Drip._

Hyungwon raised his hands to cover his ears, turning towards the damp walls of his prison cell. There had been a leak in the ceiling for days now, and Hyungwon swore the dripping sound of the melted snow was bound to drive him insane. Deciding that turning away from the sound wasn’t going to make it any better, he turned back to face the open space of the room before wincing in pain. Living conditions in a prison were, as one might have guessed, not ideal. The mattress was as stiff as a board which left Hyungwon with a sore back in the mornings. The bathroom was so tiny he often wondered how a toilet, sink, and shower could all fit in there. The food was perhaps the one gratifying aspect about the prison. The portions were enough and the nutritional values were balanced.  Hyungwon would often laugh bitterly at the thought that the cook was the only person in the building who cared about the prisoners.

At the thought of other people, Hyungwon couldn’t help but sigh. He was used to loneliness- he had grown up with parents who thought keeping him alive was all they had to do. He never had anybody to talk to at home, nor did he need to now. But every now and then he felt an aching in his heart that longed to hear human voices. Maybe the muffled sounds of his parents talking beyond his bedroom walls had somehow kept him sane all these years. He took a breath and stared at the floor in front of him. His eyes moved up to the blank white walls that weren’t all too different from the ones he had at home and fixed them onto the corner where a small, round clock hung. The fact that there was a clock at all in a prison cell piqued his interest. After all, what use did prisoners have for clocks? To keep track of time they did not need?

Hyungwon took another deep breath. If he had counted the days correctly, it would have been New Years Eve by now.  The long hand was getting closer and closer to the 12, and Hyungwon couldn’t help but sigh. He longed for a different ending. A different life. The first few nights he spent in the cell, he was in denial. He didn’t want to admit that this was where he was going to spend the rest of his life- isolated and confined. Then, he realized that this was how he would have lived his life at home  anyways, and finally gave in to reality. Now, it was New Years Eve. New Years was supposed to be about new beginnings, stripping away the old and starting anew. Hyungwon chuckled bitterly at the irony. Suddenly, a tear slipped from his right eye and rolled horizontally across the bridge of his nose, leaving a damp droplet on the bedcovers.

“Shit,” he muttered softly, not bothering to wipe it away. Who would even see him now? What dignity did he even have left to save? A flood of regrets rushed into him, allowing more and more tears to stream onto the mattress.

It started with his parents. He wished he had treated them better- he wished he could have somehow understood them. Maybe if he’d said something, if he’d made the effort to initiate conversation with them, they could have mended whatever wounds were created and prevented new ones. He fought back a sob as he took more deep breaths, trying to keep himself common. But yet the regrets hit and washed over him unrelentlessly, like waves on a beach. He wished he had been born somewhere else, a place where people could go wherever they wanted and didn’t get arrested for tapping on their own windows. He whispered curses under his breath to the government, wishing they could have transported the citizens to a different town or even simpler they could have just killed them rather than putting them under this torment.

Suddenly, the sobs broke through into the air. He could no longer hold them back as he shook, the sobs racking through his body. He hated everything- the government, himself, the entire world. He felt himself shatter to pieces as his heart filled with desperation, wishing that he could disappear from the world. After all, what good could come to him now? Trying to calm down once more, he took even more deep breaths. 

As he felt his heartbeat slow its pace, his mind wandered to Kihyun. Kihyun, his dear friend who he’d felt so much resentment towards. He thought back to years ago when they were toddlers, the memories they made together when they were still living in blissful ignorance. 

“I hope you live well, Kihyun. Even in this messed up society, I hope you can find happiness,” he whispered, a wistful smile gracing his face.

He stared back at the clock on the wall, seeing that the clock had finally struck twelve. With a sigh loud enough to fill the tiny room, he muttered to himself.“Happy New Year, Chae Hyungwon,” he mumbled, closing his eyes as he fell asleep.


	11. Hwyl fawr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Thank you for being such an amazing best friend for me, I have no idea what I’d do without you. I love you and please, stay safe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! Sorry for not updating last week, we both had camp on the day that we're supposed to post (Tuesday) where there was no wifi and we couldn't work on Hiraeth-
> 
> but here it is! We're getting closer to the end and to your least favourite section
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> [@nana](https://twitter.com/ateexzm)   
>  [@dan](https://twitter.com/_flowerchae_)

 

Jan 7th, 2062

 

 _This is bullying_ , Hoseok protested as Minhyuk continued to torment him with an endless storm of teasing and mocking. 

It wasn’t anything new—they’d been doing this to each other before they could even walk properly. Even now, as he sat in front of his window, back sore and fingers slightly numb from hours of conversation, he took the insults with a minute smile etched onto his face. 

The air in his room was stale as always (as air tends to be when you can’t open a window without the imminent risk of death), the ticking of the clock that hung idly on the wall across from his bed fading in and out of his consciousness. Perhaps one might have found this atmosphere to be stifling, but Hoseok had grown accustomed to it (along with many other things). 

Hoseok had always thought it to be a miracle how they could manage to tease each other despite the fact that literally nothing happened in their lives. But no matter how repetitive and tedious the teasings were, they both still enjoyed it very much. However, one thing had changed- finally, Minhyuk had something _incredibly_ powerful he could tease Hoseok for. 

Kihyun.

Seriously, though, it wasn’t fair.

It had begun the moment Hoseok confessed to Minhyuk that he had feelings for Kihyun. But it wasn’t until Hoseok and Kihyun confessed to each other and became a couple that Minhyuk had decided to use it fully to his advantage. Suddenly, the teasing ended in more and more misery for Hoseok. 

 _Bullying? You call this bullying?_ Minhyuk’s taps increased with volume by the second. _This, my friend, is only pay back for the world of suffering you brought upon me last July for that masterpiece I created-_

 _That masterpiece?_ Hoseok did not hesitate to reply, leaning in and tapping eagerly. _You call it a masterpiece? That was a monstrosity! There are simply some things that should never be drawn. That painting of your should never had seen the light of day._

_Oh come on, what exactly was so bad about it? It was creative! It was innovative! Even Eye-opening!_

_Minhyuk, please explain what about a cow-mermaid hybrid is any of these adjectives you just listed?_

Silence.

_Minhyuk- whatever you drew sounded like the stuff of nightmares, the way you described it. If it came to life and ate you, I wouldn’t be surprised._

_What if it came to life and ate the government instead? Freedom. See, there is some use in my creation after all._

Hoseok threw his head back and let out a loud laugh. 

_Maybe you’re right, Min. Maybe it should just eat the entire town. Ease our boredom a little bit._

_Now that I think about it, maybe I should just create more and more horrendous and grotesque creatures in hopes that one of them will come to life._

_Please don’t._

Another comfortable silence blanketed them as Hoseok leaned back, taking a contented breath. If it weren’t obvious enough, silences were rather frequent in conversations like this.

_Anyways, how’s Kihyun doing?_

Hoseok was taken slightly aback. It wasn’t that often that Minhyuk would bring up Kihyun for any reason aside from using it as fuel to tease Hoseok.

_Well- fine, I suppose? How is anybody doing in this town, honestly. It’s not like we have anything new or exciting to do._

_I wonder what he does in his free time. He doesn’t have anybody to talk to but you, doesn’t he? What does he do, talk to walls or something?_

Hoseok chuckled, trying to think of a response.

 _That sounds like something you’d do instead- But,_ _I don’t know actually haha, maybe? I’ll ask him when I get a chance. Although I’m pretty sure he talks to his vacuum cleaners._

_Does he have names for them?_

_Well, that’s another question for me to ask him. Most likely._

_Hey, Hoseokkie…_

Minhyuk’s taps trailed off as he tapped his name.

_Yes?_

_Can you tell me what it is that you like about Kihyun? Like, his traits, his personality, the things he says, stuff like that._

Hoseok didn’t hesitate.

 _Well._ Hoseok began. He grinned. Minhyuk was up for a ride. _Weellll,_ He started again. _Three points, since you asked three parts. Firstly, his traits. He’s so caring. Like when I told him that I had felt sick one day, he coded to me in his very familiar, calm tone, explaining a huge paragraph of things that I need to be careful of when sick or before I do get sick. I don’t know, people would probably think of it as more like nagging and annoying rants but to me it sounds more comforting. He was like the older, more caring brother to me, or even father. I know it probably sounds really really really really weird, but sometimes I feel like he’s older than me. He’s so caring, considerate, polite, kind and blunt, it’s really nice. His personality...I guess he’s a bit like a tsundere? If you know what I mean. He’d say teasing remarks to you, but both of you would know that he doesn’t mean it. He’s like, so tough on the exterior, but then he turns into the biggest baby ever. Maybe it could be only in my perspective, or his combined or whatever, but he’s told me a description of how he looks before too,_ Hoseok stopped to flex his fingers in exhaustion before continuing. _He has soft brown hair, eye smiles and cheek dimples. When he smiles, his eyes crinkle at the corners and turn into little curved slits, his lips spread- I can already imagine it. He says that he has a really bright smile, and that’s probably true considering the amount of times that I feel like I hear him laugh- Wait how can I feel how he laughs- nevermind that, but in my opinion he sounds gorgeous._

Minhyuk, who had not made a single sound entire time finally made a few taps. 

_Wow, you… you really like him, huh? Like, a lot. Wow. I’m… wow. I don’t know what to say._

_Yeah_ , he replied sheepishly, _I do._

_Enough to love him?_

The way Minhyuk tapped those words was light and casual, almost as if the question didn’t mean a lot to him. But at that moment, Hoseok felt his heart stop. Perhaps not literally- he’d be dead- but it was as if time had stilled, hanging idly in the air. Whatever thoughts that had been stirring in his mind came to a halt, dissipating immediately.

Time began to thaw and his heart regained its rhythm. Feeling a slight jitter in his fingertips, he tapped a hesitant reply.

 _I… I guess so?_ He stared down at his hands, feeling pathetic. Was that all he could say? He felt a blush creep up his neck and fill his cheeks with a rosy tint, and tried again. 

 _Yeah, I… I love him. I love Yoo Kihyun. Wow, I love him._ Despite having calmed down, his head still felt like it was spinning, a feverish feeling starting to grow within him at this newfound fact.

Minhyuk was silent but Hoseok could tell that he was laughing.

_Stop laughing, you idiot._

_I’m sorry, Hoseok, I can’t help it. You should tell that to Kihyun. He probably feels the same._

_I know_ , tapped Hoseok as a minute sigh escaped him. There was something so incredibly foreboding about telling Kihyun that he loved him. It was much different from simply confessing his attraction to him. It was a much larger step that he felt too small to take. 

It was almost as if Minhyuk could sense Hoseok’s doubt and agitation as he promptly tapped a reply.

_Don’t rush it. You guys have all the time in the world. Too much time._

A tiny laugh that wasn’t quite a laugh escaped Hoseok. Time was something Hoseok thought about a lot- more than he wanted to. He couldn’t help it, he really did have too much time in the world. Joking about the desolate state of living him and his townspeople were forced to endure was another one of the things Hoseok had simply gotten used to throughout the years, but he- Minhyuk too, undoubtedly- couldn’t help but take it to heart at times.

The painful passing of time was a lot quicker with Kihyun by his side, but how long would it take for- Hoseok didn’t want to think of it. It was too much, combined with the stress of the pressure to tell Kihyun he loved him. 

Did he really have all that time? And even if he did, was it really a good thing?

Nevertheless, reached out and tapped a simple _Yeah_ and waited for Minhyuk’s reply.

He forced a smile that nobody would be able to see, and thought to himself.

_This will all pass soon._

 

☾

 

The sun had long dipped behind the mountains, and the moon was now high in the sky. Not that Hoseok could see it, with the wall of Minhyuk’s house nearly touching his own, but he liked to think that he could. He’d seen the sun set and rise a million times through a selection of films and documentaries his mother had collected throughout her life, but due to the positioning of his house and the windows, he knew he could never see one with his own eyes. He had come to a grim acceptance of that years ago, but every now and then he found himself gazing through the window at the faint outlines of stone brick edges that garnished Minhyuk’s house.

Despite not being able to see the sunset, Hoseok still appreciated the way a golden, almost coral-like glow would fill the room during those hours. Even now, as it was fading away into a soft indigo, Hoseok couldn’t help but smile against his pillowcase. 

Hoseok rarely went to bed as early as this. Usually, he’d wait until the sun was fully set and the sky was draped with a sheet of glistening darkness before he’d give in to his covers. But today was different. There were so many thoughts running around in his head, he didn’t want to carry on with whatever he had planned to do during the day. He’d talked to Kihyun- it had been a short, simple conversation. Kihyun told him about his dinner- grilled chicken with a random assortment of vegetables on the side- and Hoseok listened attentively before telling him that he’d go to bed early.

Talking to Kihyun would only fuel the turmoil burning in his head, and that was the last thing he wanted. Kihyun understood, and told him goodnight.

And now, despite doing everything he could to escape into the clutches of sleep, Hoseok lay painfully awake in his sheets.

_You have all the time in the world._

Minhyuk’s words rang in his head, almost tauntingly. It was bullshit. He had all the time, but he didn’t want any of it. Through the past week, he found himself falling deeper and deeper into the trance that was Kihyun. Kihyun, Kihyun, Kihyun. The fact that Hoseok didn’t even know what Kihyun looked like was almost comical, but he accepted it. After all, physical appearance in itself wasn’t what mattered to him. He didn’t care for looks, but what he wanted was to be able to feel Kihyun, to feel the warmth that he always carried with their conversations together. He wanted to hold his hand, hug him, cuddle him, and so many things that Hoseok would take forever to list.

He didn’t want to spend the rest of his life talking to a window. He wanted to see him, his smile, his dimples, all of him; he wanted to hold him and wrap himself around his small body and simply enjoy the feeling of each other. 

He wanted so much to do all these things, even if he had to die during the process.

 _No_ , he thought, gritting his teeth, _Don’t be so selfish, Hoseok. If you die, what will happen to all the people around you?_

_Minhyuk- you’ve always thought about where you’d be without him, how lonely you would have been even with your mother by your side. If you disappear, how will he feel? Do you really want to put him through all of that?_

_Your mother, too. She’ll be all alone without you. She’d taken care of you for so many years, the least you could do is stay by her side. Is this how you pay her back? Allowing her to succumb to the madness this curse of a society will inevitably inflict on her? Kihyun, too. He’s been alone his entire life. How do you think  he can return to that miserable life after all the happiness you’ve brought him._

_You’re so heedless and inconsiderate. Will you watch the lives of your loved ones fall apart just so you could fulfill one selfish desire?_

Hoseok grit his teeth, trying to fight his way through the internal dilemma running through his head. 

_You know what? Maybe there’s another solution. If you don’t leave the house, you and Kihyun could talk to each other forever. Isn’t that so much better? Then, nobody gets hurt-_

_No._

He flipped onto his back, eyes wide and glued to the ceiling. His thoughts were in such a flurry he could no longer make out the round shape of his ceiling light.

There was dread seeping into his stomach, collecting in a small puddle. _But...If you don’t, then you and Kihyun might also stop talking altogether. Conversations would get boring for sure. What’s there to talk about anyways? Kihyun might not end up liking you anymore either._ A pool of fear and guilt rose up in him as he swallowed hard. That was true. There was a creeping, crushing fear inside him that one day Hoseok would make a tap and he would never get a reply. Kihyun would simply disappear off the face of the earth, and Hoseok would never know what happened to him as he stared at the window, receiving nothing but a resounding silence.

Hoseok being himself, he worried.   

He was tired. So tired. His fingers were sore and his head felt so incredibly heavy against his pillow, sinking into the soft cotton. Relaxing his body, he felt the tension in his muscles fade away. 

 _But they’ll be fine, won’t they? Mom… she’ll miss me. But she’ll be fine._ Hoseok couldn’t quite fathom his thoughts as they became more and more hazy. They were opaque and unclear, but Hoseok didn’t try to understand them. There were tiny voices nipping at him, but Hoseok couldn’t hear them. They sounded like white noise, warped and distant. Suddenly, there was a budding feeling in his stomach, overcoming the pool of dread. He felt energy flood back into his muscles as he shot up from his bed. It felt mindless, yet sure. He swung his leg over the edge of the bed, heading over to his desk

Ignoring the contradicting thoughts that filled his head the minute he stepped on the floor, he pulled out a spare piece of paper from who knows what where it had been, and started to jot down ideas for the escape. Perhaps blindfolding himself...for the stupid government to not know? As if he’d be able to avoid the gun that followed him everywhere he went. Or maybe just running straight into the streets like a madman, dodging the bullets instead. He might be able to… there would thankfully be only one gun activated. If there were more than one, he’d die without even being able to cross the line. But even if he did end up passing and entering Kihyun’s house, the government would find out as soon as he stepped foot out, the gun already having signalled them. 

There was really no use. Hoseok groaned in frustration as he stared at the tiny dots of his coding on the page. Above it was the last facts of Kihyun, written in his usual scrawl.

 _Unless,_ Hoseok stilled, his heart rate speeding up in excitement and hope. There was one way. There was a way that Hoseok could leave but the risks were extremely high as well. _You’re going to die._ Hoseok thought to himself, feeling an indescribable pinch in his stomach. He was going to die either way. He either went for it and died, or died from insanity. 

Maybe he should tell Minhyuk. Minhyuk might be able to...but Minhyuk would be so furious at him for his decision. It was reckless and so, so dangerous. Hoseok knew that Minhyuk would hate that idea so much. He was already wary of Hoseok thinking of leaving, especially in their past conversations, he was going to make Minhyuk hate him even more. 

There was no use in it anyways. Whether he told Minhyuk or not, whether Minhyuk supported it or not, he was still going to do it.  
If Hoseok could think of a safer way, he would.  
_I love you Ki,_ Hoseok thought to himself as he pushed himself up and away from his desk towards his bed. He might as well enjoy the last few moments that he had remaining. 

  
☀

 

Cracking his eyelids open, Hoseok grimaced as streams of sunlight slipped through his blinds and attacked his eyes. Hoseok was usually somebody who could enjoy and appreciate mornings, as somebody who was used to sleeping relatively early. But the last few weeks had been taking quite a toll on him and the sleep schedule he abided so strictly to for the past 23 years of his life. His eyes felt weary, crusty with sleep. There was a strangely dry feeling in his mouth, and he wanted nothing other than to roll over and go back to sleep, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to no matter how tired he was. Blinking his eyes fully open this time, Hoseok faced the glaring window and tried to adjust to the light. There was a faint buzzing in his ears, his heart beating in a dizzy rhythm. 

_Alright, Hoseok, it’s a new day. Rise and shine. You’ve got a lot of things to do._

Hoseok knew that he’d grown numb of many emotions throughout his life because of his living conditions, and he was certain it was the same for the other citizens. Two decades of being trapped in a box would surely have driven him mad if all of his feelings were intact. Even now, his thoughts were the same recycled thoughts he had nearly every day- thoughts about being trapped, repetitivity, yearning for freedom. However, today was different. It was very, very different. Hoseok could feel inklings of the emotions returning to him as he mentally embraced the next few days to come. And for the first time, Hoseok felt something he had long filtered out of his system: impatience. It was new- it stirred in his stomach and rose up to his chest, catching in his throat. 

At this point, Hoseok had already stood up, energized by the influx of new emotions. Even his every-day routine of walking to the kitchen felt strangely refreshing. It didn’t take long for him to realize that his mother wasn’t there, which was odd. She was never one to sleep in, always up to make breakfast for the two unless she went to bed at a particularly late hour, but that was rare. Hoseok’s eyes swept across the strangely silent kitchen and fixed on the window. The seemingly simple little square that meant more than the world to him. He wanted to go to Kihyun and tell him what he planned to do, but Hoseok understood that there was somebody he had to talk to first. Somebody so meaningful to him he didn’t know how he could have made it this far in life without him.

Taking in the emptiness of the kitchen once more, he turned around and headed back to his bedroom. There was yet another rectangular shape awaiting him in his room, and Hoseok was absolutely terrified to face it. The ledge felt familiar and warm, but he swore he could feel shivers run down his spine at the very thought of approaching it. 

 _You know you have to do this, Hoseok._ Taking a deep breath, he stepped towards it sat down in front of it. His fingers hovered in the air as he pondered how to start the conversation. He could cut straight to the point- no, that would be too shocking for Minhyuk to handle. But beating around the bush never worked for anybody, did it? 

_You know what, just introduce it with a casual conversation. There’s nothing wrong with that, right?_

_Heck, is he even awake?_

Deciding that he was going to accept whatever that was about to happen, he let his hands fall onto the glass.

_Min?_

As usual, it took a few minutes for him to respond. 

_What’s up?_

_Did you eat?_ Hoseok tapped mindlessly as he tried to ignore the incessant beat of his heart pounding in his ears. He had never felt this nervous when it came to Minhyuk, his only friend for many years that he could say anything to.

_What? Of course I did. Since when did you ask me those kinds of questions?_

Hoseok could feel the panic rush through him as he made another series of hurried taps.

_I don’t know- today just seems like a really nice day, you know, why not show some genuine care towards my best friend’s well-being?_

_It’s raining outside._

_It’ll wash the snow away!_

_Why would we even need the snow to be washed away- we can’t go outside-_

_The birds! They’ll be warm!_

_The birds are dead._

_Well-_

_Hoseok, what’s going on with you? Are you sick? How do you even get sick?_

_I just want to be nice to you! What’s wrong with that! I want to compliment my best friend!_

_You never do this, though._

Hoseok waited for Minhyuk to continue, but he didn’t.

_I know, Min, it’s just- I want to appreciate you more. You mean so much to me and I don’t have much-_

Hoseok’s finger came to a halt as he realized what he was about to say, but before he could even begin to think about what to do next, he was interrupted.

_Have much what? What are you talking about? There’s obviously something wrong, talk to me about it. We’re best friends for a reason- although we can never have the same friendship people have in movies, I still want to be here for you._

Guilt began to build up inside of Hoseok as he listened to Minhyuk’s taps. Minhyuk was always there to comfort him whenever he felt upset, and he was just going to abandon him.

 _No_ , he thought, _Min deserves to know. I need to tell him right now._

 _I…_ Hoseok’s fingers faltered slightly before continuing, _I don’t have much time. I know you’ll hate me forever for this, but… I’m leaving. I’m going to see Kihyun. I know how selfish I’m being, but… I’d rather die after seeing Kihyun than live for decades talking to a window, not knowing whether or not I’ll receive a reply._

There was silence, and Hoseok could feel the buzzing in his ears from the morning return as a sharp ring. He could barely even tell whether or not he was breathing. By the time the ringing died down and he could feel his senses return to him, Minhyuk was still silent. Perhaps he had simply stood up and walked away. Maybe that would have been better than anything that could have happened. 

_I’m sorry- I can’t expect you to be okay with this. But please, this means everything to me. I-_

Hoseok’s desperate taps were interrupted by a sudden response from Minhyuk.

_What? Can you repeat that? I’m having some trouble understanding you. In fact, I can’t even hear you._

Hoseok felt the previous guilt swallow him whole. Minhyuk was always cheery; no matter how dark and dreary things seemed to be for them, he would always crack a joke and then everything would be fine. But Hoseok knew him well enough. No human could possibly be happy 100% of the time. Too often did Hoseok notice something off in Minhyuk’s taps when he made jokes, especially when something particularly upsetting had happened to him before. It wasn’t a strange at all- Hoseok had watched movies before. Every once in a while, even the comic relief couldn’t take it anymore and used humour to deflect their problems. 

And now, Minhyuk was joking because he was upset, and it was all Hoseok’s fault. 

_Don’t joke, Min. I know you’re upset._

There was another long silence before Minhyuk replied again.

_Alright. It’s your decision. I can’t stop you._

Hoseok felt his stomach sink for a moment. He couldn’t comprehend the tone Minhyuk was trying to convey, which was usually an easy task for him. Was he so upset that he couldn’t say anything else? Or did he simply not care enough? 

 _Oh_ , he replied, unsure of what to say. Then, it dawned on him. How was Minhyuk supposed to take this? Hoseok was his only friend for nearly his entire life, and now he was leaving. They would never be able to communicate again. How sad and upset did he feel? Hoseok cursed at his own selfishness. He wasn’t in the position to expect anything from Minhyuk. 

 _I knew this day was going to come_ , Hoseok’s thoughts were interrupted by Minhyuk’s abrupt reply. 

_I was always so afraid of it, but I blocked it from my mind. That is, until Kihyun came. Then, all of that anxiety came back and once again I was filled with fear._

He felt a lump in his throat. That, too, was a new sensation returning from years and years of numbness that grew onto him like mold. 

 _I’m sorry, Minhyuk. I know apologizing is useless at this point, but I really am so, so sorry. I’m sorry for leaving you alone here, but I hope everything goes well for you._ _I can’t say that of course, your life will still remain the same because I am your best friend after all but...don’t lose your happiness okay? Be strong, be brave. You’re so talented, so caring and positive...please keep it up for me?_ _Your family, your paintings- maybe in a few centuries an archaeologist will find them in the rubble and you’ll be famous-_ _oh my god I’m sorry for rambling too I-_

 _It’s okay. Well, it’s not, but I don’t want you to beat yourself up over this._ _Thank you for your words._ _It’s just_ _that_ _\- you’re not coming back, aren’t you?_

A solemn silence blanketed them as they both acknowledged this fact. The chances of Hoseok surviving the gunshot was slim. And even if he did survive, how long would it be until the government came and took him away from his Kihyun? 

 _Minhyuk… I know we’ve talked about this more than a million times throughout the past few years, but now, even more than ever, I wish that I could see what we could have been like. You know, if we were in a different society where we were given freedom? We’d be able to grow old without losing our minds and ending our own lives._ _Seriously though._ Hoseok had no idea why he was telling Minhyuk this a few days before he left for good, but he had to find something else to say.

 _Sadly, we’re here,_ Minhyuk replied with a finality. _We can’t change the rules or anything, we can’t do anything. We’re useless here. I swear, if this was written as a book or movie, it would be the most boring thing ever in the entire world._

 _Haha,_ Hoseok smiled smally. Leave it to Minhyuk to always be able to lift the mood in some way. _But he won’t be there anymore. You won’t be here anymore._ He felt his faint smile disappear without materializing fully as his thoughts took a turn. 

Unable to hold his pent-up emotions and thoughts of giving up any longer, Hoseok buried his head in his hands as he felt tears gather at the corners of his eyes. It was unfair. So, so unfair. Wet streaks decorated his pale skin as tears fell, almost unstoppable. As if Hoseok could sense Minhyuk’s mood, he knew that he’d be shedding tears as well. Squeezing his eyes shut to try to stop the overwhelming flood of salty tears, he wished that they would meet again in another life, as best friends once again. He’d be able to give Minhyuk hugs, see the paintings that he had drawn, share with him the music that he loved listening to and much more. Brushing across his red-rimmed eyes, he reached out to tap another sentence out. 

 _So, is this..._ Hoseok gripped at the windowsill, trying to stop his hands from shaking. _This is a goodbye, isn’t it?_

Tearing himself away from the window before more tears made its way down his face, he gasped in large gulps of air, trying to calm himself down. 

 _Hoseokkie..._ Minhyuk had finally replied. _Yes. Thank you for being such an amazing best friend for me, I have no idea what I’d do without you. I love you and please, stay safe._

Adding the words “stay safe” was pointless as both knew, but it was better than telling the latter to “not die”. 

Pushing himself up, Hoseok made his way to his desk, picking up the piece of paper that he had left lying earlier. It was time to write down his plan

 

☀

 

Kihyun was staring at the floor again. Truthfully, he did that often enough to be able to see the bland, beige-coloured floor in his dreams and mark out every single line. It was just one of the things he did while bored, as he was every single day. Sometimes he’d stare at the wall to the left of his bed in his room (it was oddly specific, he knew), and on other days he’d stare at a small patch on the floor. 

This time, he was observing the patch right below his bed. He was perched on his desk chair, hands curled into fists to support his chin as he studied the woodboards below him.  
Each piece of board was different; the direction of the lines were different and the small carvings on each were special and unique in its own way. The beige clashed in some areas, dark on one side and brilliantly light on the other. Perhaps it was just the shadow of the sun’s rays that had emitted across the floor, a trick of the light. Maybe it was just like that. 

Kihyun sighed, pulling himself back up from his position and tucking his knees below his chin, staring above the patch now.

 _Why me?_ He wondered to himself, squeezing his arms tighter around his legs. _Why must it be me? Why Hoseok? Why couldn’t it be anyone else, any other town?_ Kihyun shook his head. He couldn’t make other people go through what he was experiencing- that would be too selfish of him. 

  _What’s the purpose of living anyways? Life has no purpose. Perhaps it may, for others. They might make living something enjoyable, something to look forward to every day._

 _But what’s the purpose for me? The government want us dead, might as well die before they declare death on us._ Kihyun buried his head in his arms, a knot forming in his stomach. He could still see a small patch of the floor. _If I disappeared, I’d be able to see my dad. My mom._ Kihyun smiled wistfully, squeezing his hands together even more, still gazing at the visible spot of the floor. _My family._

But he’d lose the most important person in his life. He’d lose the person who could always manage to make him smile, even on the days where he felt like giving up. The one who showed him the positive side of things, the one who told him that it was okay and that everything would get better. The one who gave him the hope and trust that he had lost. If Hoseok knew how much he had impacted Kihyun...He’d be surprised. 

Tearing his gaze away from the floor and lifting his head, Kihyun turned his attention to the window instead. He peered at the window, as if trying to see past the blurred, foggy window, and noticed the light blue tone of the sky and the shining light travelling through. Admiring the colours, Kihyun dismissed all his earlier worries and thoughts, bringing his feet down to stretch his legs out. 

Thinking about questions that might never be answered was quite useless, truly. Being able to enjoy the moment while it lasted...It was something that Kihyun always tried to follow. Just like “right now”, he and Hoseok would bask in all the minutes, hours and days that they spent together.

Suddenly, the peaceful silence was broken by a series of soft taps, ones that were barely heard and registered by Kihyun. He perked up, eyes wide and mouth open a little in surprise. There could be only one person. The corners of his lips quirked up in a wide grin as Kihyun quickly jumped out of his seat in eagerness and quickly hurried over to the familiar corner in his room. 

 _Kihyun, Kihyunnie, Kiki, Hyunnie, Hamki, Ki~_ Hoseok tapped out loudly as Kihyun went across the room to the other side. _Where are you~~_

 _Oh my god I’m here I’m here-_ Kihyun replied, unable to hide the smile that was breaking out on his face. The constant positivity that Hoseok gave out was infectious and too endearing. _Also, Hamki? Where did that come from-_

 _Hamster and Kihyun!_ Hoseok tapped back cheerfully, quick and sharp. _Because you look like one!_

 _You don’t know what I look like!_ Kihyun sulked as he answered Hoseok. _Besides, I’m a shark! A sharp side profile and very scary!_

 _Huh,_ Hoseok responded with, doubt creeping in his words. _Really? You? Yoo Kihyun? Scary? You’re the least scary person I know, you’re soft and probably really cuddly and cute so a hamster suits you more!_

Kihyun blushed, feeling incredibly exposed and taken aback. _Shut. You only know so many people, so you can't say that I’m the least scariest when you haven’t even met a quarter of this town’s population to base your judgment._

_Oh woah woah, okay smart-ass, we get it, you have a high level of education, no need to brag on me._

_I wasn’t!_ Kihyun protested, pouting a little. 

_Just kidding haha, I know you didn’t._

Communicating with Hoseok seemed effortless, almost as if Kihyun had been talking to him for years already. It was relaxing and carefree, making Kihyun feel like as if everything would be alright. 

Apparently not though. 

 _Ki?_ Hoseok tapped out timidly after a short while. _If you had the chance to leave this place, would you?_

Kihyun frowned. It was unusual that Hoseok would mention leaving, especially when the topic was almost never brought up after the first time. An indescribable feeling rose up in his chest, leaving him skeptical. _Why…?_

_I was just wondering, I thought of this while writing a few lyrics down so…What do you think?_

_I would? I mean who wouldn’t, obviously._ Kihyun replied, still wary of what Hoseok might imply. He shook his head, clenching then un-clenching his fists. _Stop doubting Hoseok,_ He thought to himself. _Trust him._

 _I thought the same,_ Hoseok replied, coding back softly. _If only we could._

Kihyun stiffened. What was Hoseok trying to say? 

 _Wait,_ Kihyun quickly answered back. _You’re not thinking of leaving are you? What, do you have an idea or something?_

An uncomfortable silence filled the room and Kihyun held his breath.

_Yeah._


	12. Gobeithiol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for more pain, listen to MX's Someone's Someone on repeat while reading this chapter.
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> [@nana](https://twitter.com/ateexzm)  
> [dan](https://twitter.com/_flowerchae_)

Jan 11th, 2062

 _  
_ _All you have to do is open the door for me._

It sounded so simple. A single stream of taps echoing from the glass shouldn’t have sent Kihyun into a verge of indecisive panic like it did. 

 _Wait, what?_ Kihyun couldn’t believe what he was hearing from Hoseok. Shaking his head slightly, he ran through the line of code that Hoseok had tapped out. _Wait._ Kihyun repeated, flabbergasted. _What?_

 _Yea,_ Hoseok replied. _It’s quite simple, you just have to open your door for me._

 _What the hell do you mean?_ Kihyun replied, his brows furrowed in confusion. _Are you really saying what I think you’re trying to say?_

 _Most likely…?_ Hoseok tapped out feebly, trailing out on the last codes. _I mean, I don’t how else to interpret it?_

 _And have you risk your fucking life?_ Kihyun responded, feeling a sudden gust of anger. _Yeah, no fucking way am I doing that._ It was so stupid and so selfish. Knowing Hoseok, he wouldn’t ever think of doing something like this, nor to even think of mentioning it.

Obviously, Kihyun was wrong again.

 _Then you’d let me die?_ Hoseok pressed on. Kihyun thumbed his fingers against the windowsill with forceful pressure as he glared at it. Hoseok was starting to sound very much unlike himself.

 _Shut up,_ Kihyun replied, moving his fingers to let them make their way across like furious drums. _I wouldn’t allow it. If I didn’t open the door, you wouldn’t want to go either, I’m sure of it. You’d die out there._

 _That’s true,_ Hoseok admitted softly. _That is quite true. But it doesn’t mean that I can’t persuade you to open it._

 _You’re going to get yourself killed, why would you even think of doing that?_ Kihyun’s anger was turning into frustration and despair, no longer trying to warn him but purely trying to stop him. A sudden punch of pain rippled through him as he squeezed his eyes shut, sucking in quick gasps of air. Ignoring it, Kihyun pushed himself into his sitting position once again and continued to tap. _Seriously, I won’t ever be persuaded. I’d rather never meet you and see you safe than meet you once and never see or hear from you again._

 _But Ki…_ Hoseok trailed off, as if not knowing how to reply to Kihyun. _I want to see you so badly. I… I understand where your worries are coming from but-_

Hoseok wasn’t able to finish his sentence. _What do you mean you understand?_ Kihyun tapped back, unconcerned of what Hoseok might have said next. _You don’t understand. If you had understood why I’m so worried and so scared, you wouldn’t choose to continue your decision._

 _It isn’t anything that you can stop, Ki,_ Hoseok argued back. _I can’t control my own heart. Heck, most of my choices are made by following my feelings. This was literally made by more than half of my feelings and the tiniest part of my brain. Yes I know, it’s incredibly stupid, but that’s just me._

 _You can’t control your own heart and feelings but can’t you consider other people’s feelings?_ Kihyun retorted. _Are you absolutely that cruel?_

 _What-_ _Kihyun no…?_ Hoseok coded back, plainly frustrated. _I did consider! I considered their feelings which is why I spent so much time with Minhyuk these past weeks! I considered, which was why I stuck close to my mom, being with her for nearly all of the time!_

 _What the absolute fuck?_ Kihyun drummed angrily back. It was amazing at how Hoseok could think of a life threatening situation so lightly. _So you think that you’re just going to spend a week of comfort with them and expect it to last for an entire life? I-,_ Kihyun sighed, dropping his head against the freezing cold window. _I don’t understand your thinking._ _Why the hell would you risk your own fucking life to find me?_

_Because I love you._

A shocked, tense silence rattled the room as Kihyun froze on his seat, hand raised halfway, prepared to tap another retort. He dropped his hand without realization, and stared at the murky, fogged-up window in surprise. His heart was beating so quickly he was sure that it would leap out of his chest anytime soon, a light tingly sensation filling his body. He then raised his hand feebly again, and faltered.

 _What- wait what why,_ Kihyun asked, his fingers losing strength as they met the surface of his windowsill. _Hoseok loved me?_

When it came back, he lifted his fingers again.

 _It’s not worth it. I’m not worth it. You can’t risk your life because you l…_ Kihyun couldn’t finish it, but he was certain Hoseok understood what he meant. _Does he still now? After all that messed up thinking..._ Kihyun shook his head, pushing the thoughts of doubt away.

 _No, Kihyun,_ Hoseok replied promptly, _I love you. I love you so much, just please give me a chance and trust me._ _I will be fine, and if I’m not, you can personally drag me back from hell to kick my ass again._

At the last line of code, Kihyun chuckled softly, feeling the earlier tension decrease just by a little. He couldn’t help but think back to the time when he needed to rely on a book to understand Hoseok, and it astounded him- the fact that he could now understand his message with so much ease. Kihyun could comprehend every single letter, every single fragment of urgency and gravity in the way Hoseok conveyed his taps. But in a way, he regretted learning Morse Code now.

He shook his head in an attempt to disperse the confusion and disbelief muddled up in there, and tried again.

 _Fine._ _What about your mother?_ _Did you consider her at all  before going off making your own decisions_ _? What about Minhyuk? Are you just going to-_ Kihyun hesitated- _leave them here? Your mother_ _is literally going to be all alone. Not just your mom, but Minhyuk? Your best friend?_

When Kihyun pulled back, he could feel a tremor run through his fingers. This was insane and absolutely outrageous to think of. He had never guessed that Hoseok would choose this decision, neither did he know that he would treat the situation like this.

Hoseok broke the short silence with a sharp tap, cutting through the air like knives. _I already told Minhyuk. You don’t have to worry. Minhyuk had expected it and accepted it._ _  
_ Kihyun let out a dry chuckle. The entire problem felt insane and surreal, as if Hoseok didn’t know that it was happening himself.

 _I don’t think that Minhyuk would ever “accept it”,_ Kihyun tapped out, trying to push down the crackling flame that was slowly building up. _Minhyuk would probably pretend as if he was okay with everything. Just for you._

 _That’s not true, Ki,_ Hoseok replied. Minhyuk knows how much you mean to me and how much I love you. I know that I’m being really, incredibly, way too selfish, but I just wanted to see you once. 

 _But why?_ Kihyun tapped back, exasperated. _Why would you leave your best friend of so many years for me? For someone you’ve known for a little more than a month? Someone you apparently love in just this short time?_

A small silence filled the room once again, as if Hoseok didn’t know what to reply with.

 _Fine,_ Kihyun replied flatly, wiping his eyes angrily. _Then tell me, what about your mother? Your mother loves you so much, why would you leave your own mother for me and die as a result? Tell me Hoseok, do you not wonder about how terribly sad she would be knowing that her son died because of his own selfish desires?_ Kihyun knew that he was being a bitch, but there was a valid reason as to why he was acting like that.

 _K-Ki,_ Hoseok tapped lowly back. His codes sounded surprisingly soft and firm. _I feel like you’re just trying to make me not find you by using the people that I cherish the most, besides yourself. Nice tactic, but sorry, it’s not going to work._

 _Oh god,_ Kihyun thought to himself as a jittery feeling travelled through his body and left his senses tingling. _Oh my god._ At Kihyun’s stunned silence with his mouth open in shock, Hoseok continued. _Besides, my mom probably also knew that I’d end up like this, just from noticing her watching our conversations of last weeks. I know, it’s going to upset her a lot. Not just even being upset, it would be something way worse, heck me too. My mom will understand...hopefully._

 _You’re serious right now?_ Kihyun asked, the way he coded was unable to portray how angry and frustrated he felt at that moment. _Are you really fucking serious?_ He wasn’t sure anymore what tone Hoseok interpreted his taps as, but the amount of exasperation and pure indignation had drained him of his energy, leaving his taps weak and feeble. 

 _How in the world will your mother understand that her son is about to kill himself?_ Kihyun tapped with a sudden jolt of energy, his fingers nearly drilling into the windowsill at the last two words. _If I were your mother, I would hate you forever._

 _Kihyun,_ Hoseok replied. The tone in his taps had changed abruptly, unsettlingly solemn and low. It felt almost like a warning, but it was washed away quickly by another reply.

_This is my choice, Kihyun, and whether you accept it or not, it won’t change anything. You know why? Because I’m going to see you no matter what because I love you, and you can’t change my mind. I’ve made this decision a long time ago, and my heart is set on it._

Kihyun felt his hands lift from the windowsill and then collapse by his sides. 

There was no way he could argue with Hoseok anymore. He wanted to shout, to scream, to tell Hoseok to shut up and forget about it, but there would still have no use. At last, he tapped a feeble response. _I’ll miss you too you know,_ Kihyun sucked in a deep breathe, squeezing his eyes shut before continuing. _When you leave, when the government finds out, when you disappear...I’ll miss you too. I’ll miss you even more than before knowing that I’ve seen you once. Knowing that I’ve held you in my arms, it’ll hurt more than it hurts now. What am I supposed to do, pretend that everything is going to be fine and that I’ll be able to be happy? When you gave me a taste of something that I can never have, when it might mean nothing to you but mean everything to me? If you leave, am I supposed to be alright with it?_

Kihyun could tell that Hoseok was unable to reply. He couldn’t possibly imagine what the answer could be to his long strings of code. He knew that Hoseok  could only watch, his heart frantically trying to reach out to comfort and hold him. He couldn’t and Kihyun wasn’t going to let him. 

 _Kihyun…_ Hoseok finally resumed coding. _I know how you feel. I know, trust me, I know perfectly well._ At that, Hoseok pushed down the lump in his throat and held his tears at bay before continuing. _But please, have faith in me. I know that I’m asking a lot from you, but trust me. I’ll be fine. Everything will be alright._

 _No no no it won’t be!_ Kihyun argued back. _It won’t ever be! Once you leave, you’re done for. They’ll find out sooner or later, whatever nice, foolproof plan you have up your sleeves, they’ll always know. Please,_ Kihyun begged. _Don’t do it for me. Please Hoseok._

It was harsh. Both of them knew that. Kihyun knew that Hoseok would do anything for him. But with Hoseok’s emotions wounded so tightly, he wasn’t quite sure anymore.

 _You know that I always follow your advice,_ Hoseok began. Kihyun tensed, knowing that he was about to point out the obvious. _When you tell me not to just drink protein for breakfast, I added other stuff with it. When you told me reconcile with Minhyuk, I did. But what you just told me, what you asked of me...I’m sorry Ki, but I can’t._ _  
_

Kihyun exhaled, expecting that answer. There was no use anymore. Kihyun was too late. Too late to stop him, too late to convince him otherwise. He had to give up.  
The two of them sat in terrible silence once again before it was broken by Kihyun . _Well then..._ He started softly. I have to go wash the dishes. See you.

Without listening to Hoseok’s replies, he stood, walked to the door and slammed it hard behind him. 

  
🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

Hoseok felt himself wince as a loud thud echoed through the air, albeit muffled by the layers of walls and glass between them. He couldn’t help but sink back into his chair, a look of helplessness setting onto his face. 

_It’s going to be fine, Hoseok. He’ll come around eventually, won’t he?_

Taking deep breaths, he stared up at the ceiling and shut his eyes. There was an aching in his heart he couldn’t describe; it was like the time Minhyuk had gotten upset with him for ignoring him what felt like a million years ago, except deeper and in a different place. In an attempt to set it aside, he opened his eyes and stood up, heading into his room. On his chipped and dusty desk, a piece of paper laid sprawled, the edges curling slightly. He pulled out his chair, sitting down on it as he took the paper into his hands. If any other person had caught a glance of it, they would have left dumbfounded. There were countless dots and dashes scrawled onto it, almost as if the writer had been writing a hurried mess. 

To Hoseok, it was more than that. It was a language that had monumentally changed his life. In fact, he wasn’t even sure if he or people he knew would even be alive or sane without it. It was a meticulous plan that meant either life or death for him. One wrong move and he’d end up with a bullet between his eyes. 

First, he’d have to blindfold himself. Hoseok wasn’t sure how effective it would be, but at least the government wouldn’t be able to see him trying to escape. He didn’t know whether or not the gun had a motion sensor, but maybe, just maybe, the gun wouldn’t activate because of the blindfold. What exactly would work as a blindfold? An old sock? A piece of cloth? He’d have to figure that out later. After making it out of the house and onto the street, he’d have to somehow maneuver his way into Kihyun’s front yard and dodge that gun as well. If things turned out the way he hoped, the door would already be open, and Hoseok would sprint as fast as he could- or even leap- into Kihyun’s doorway. Of course, he considered the variables. If he couldn’t see, how would he be able to locate Kihyun’s doorway? How could he guarantee that he wouldn’t trip on a rock while running for his life? And by the time he was in Kihyun’s house, which was an unlikely achievement, would the government be able to notice that he had left his own home? 

Hoseok decided that no matter what happened, he would see Kihyun. Even if it was going to be him lying down in a pool of his own blood, crawling on the pavement to catch even the slightest glimpse of the man he loved most in the world. But if he was able to reach him- to touch him, to caress him- what would he do? There was a list of a million incohesive things that he’d often found himself imagining during fleeting moments throughout his scattered days. And he’d have to do them all before the government came and took him away. First, he’d simply stare at him, take in the beauty in front of him and fully appreciate it. Then, he’s put his hand on his cheek, breathless from the run. He’d always seen this play out in movies, and he wanted to feel Kihyun to know that he was indeed real. Then, he’d pull him into an embrace and hold him until the entirety of space and time fell away and left only them, hanging in the glistening darkness where nobody could find the two of them. And then, what would he do? His vision was hazy. The very thought of getting past that point was so bizarre to him that he couldn’t even think of it. It had seemed so far away only a few weeks ago, but now, it was right in front of him, dangling in his face just barely out of reach. 

He wanted so much to thrust his hands towards it and simply take it, wrap his fingers around it and pull it back to him- but there was something poking at the edge of his mind, screaming at him to stop. It was a dull throb, a distant yearning. Suddenly, what was in front of him  was wiped away, and replaced with a face. It was blurry, and Hoseok couldn’t make out the features very clearly, but the warmth and brightness that radiated from it made it very clear who it belonged to. 

 _Minhyuk_ , he thought. There was something swimming in his stomach at the thought of his dear friend, and it wasn’t pleasant. Hoseok didn’t know what Minhyuk looked liked. The closest he could get was a vague memory of his face when they were both toddlers. But somehow, even in the eyes of the abstract figure in front of him, he could see a concave of grief and loneliness, pulling back in preparation to hit like a wave. Then, Minhyuk’s blur of a face was wiped away and replaced with a new face, one that was so much more familiar. It was a face he saw every day, one that filled him with love and affection. It was his mother. A faint smile graced his lips, only for it to disappear the moment his eyes met hers. It was like Minhyuk’s- a sea of despair, only it was much worse. It was pure anguish, so much that Hoseok could no longer take it.

His eyes snapped open. He had no idea that they were even closed to begin with, but suddenly there was something he had to do. He couldn’t go back on his plan- not now, not ever, but he still had responsibilities to uphold. Hoseok knew that he would regret this decision for the rest of his life, and he had somehow make up for it, even in the tiniest way. 

He had to see his mother, to break the inevitable truth to her. He stood up, nearly toppling his chair over, and turned towards the direction of his mother’s bedroom.

There were a million different feelings stirring in his stomach, some he couldn’t describe. There was a crushing numbness that wrapped itself around his mind, and a sickening feeling hollowing out his stomach. Yet amidst all that, there was a tiny feeling of relief bubbling from the trenches. Finally, he was about to tell his mother, the most important person in his life, about the biggest decision he would ever make. It felt so daunting to the point where Hoseok wanted nothing but to run into his room and cower under his sheets as if he were a child once more. Nevertheless, it felt right. It felt like he was completing a circle full of doubt and frustration with this last step before he took off on his journey. The moment he reached her doorstep, all of these emotions crashed onto the shore of his consciousness. Taking a deep breath, he reached for the knob and turned it, pushing the door open.

His mother was sitting on the bed, her back cushioned with a pillow against the wooden headboard. The majority of her body was covered by her thick quilt that looked like a million stars were scattered onto it. There was a novel spread open on her lap, and although Hoseok couldn’t quite make out the title, the cover looked vaguely familiar. She didn’t seem to notice Hoseok coming in, and he watched as she turned a page over with her nimble fingers. 

Suddenly, a completely new concoction of emotions began to overwhelm him as he stared at her, realizing that this could be the last time he ever saw a living human being. Despite having Minhyuk for his entire life and Kihyun for the best parts of it, he could never physically interact with either of them. He never got to see what kind of face and body Minhyuk grew into, and although Hoseok had made a plan to meet Kihyun, there was a very slim chance it would actually work. His mother was there with him, in the flesh, for every single moment of his life. He raised him with more love than anybody could possibly give and made sure that he could live the best life anybody could in this broken society. 

She had done all of that for him, and now he was going to leave her to grow old and leave the world with nobody by her side. How often would she be thinking of him years after this all passed? And if Hoseok couldn’t make it past the gun, how would she be able to bear the horrendous sight of the person she dedicated her entire life to? He grit his teeth and forced himself to keep walking. 

It was now when his mother seemed to notice him. She reached over her nightstand for a bookmark and slipped it in between two pages, setting down the book she had been so immersed in. Her eyes met his and dread began to pool in his stomach. The look on her face was one that knew exactly what he was about to say. Even her lips remained flat and taut, surrounded by her deep smile lines. There was an inexplicable feeling at the sight of a woman who smiled so often that when it faltered, she resembled a completely different person.

“Hoseok,” she uttered softly, taking his hand into her own. “You know I love you, right?” 

Hoseok stood beside her, unsure of what to say. He had never seen a more blatant statement of the truth. It was evident through every single one of her actions towards him, but here she was, telling him as though she was afraid he wouldn’t believe it. 

“I know, Mom. I love you too.” It was the only thing he could muster from the jumbled thoughts in his brain, leaving his mouth in a soft half-whisper.  

“The moment you were born,” his mother began suddenly, “there was this crippling fear that struck my heart, telling me that I would never be able to raise you to become happy.”

Hearing that confused Hoseok even more. In his eyes, she was the best mother anybody could ever ask for, so how could she doubt herself?

“My mother wasn’t a great person, and all the broken pieces of glass she left embedded n my heart would follow me to motherhood. I was so, so afraid that I’d do what my mother did and carry on a cycle of abuse.”

He wanted to pull his mother into an embrace and reassure her that everything she did was so amazing, and that he was so lucky to have her as his mother, but he was frozen in place, his mouth hanging slightly open. 

She looked away suddenly, seeming to fight back tears, and that was when Hoseok broke out of his trance. Doing exactly what he wanted to do, he climbed onto the bed and wrapped his arms around her as a few tears slipped out of his eyes. Taking a deep breath, Hoseok told his mom everything. From the start when he first met Kihyun, to the very end. 

“I’m so sorry, Mom. I love you so much, and you’re the best mom anyone could ask for. Thank you so much for raising me, and I’m sorry for leaving you.”

They held each other and time seemed to sway as they told their silent goodbye, After what felt like the longest time, he finally let go, pulling away gently. 

“I love you, so much that I can’t even express it. Thank you.”

Hoseok understood why she wouldn’t want to see him off. The thought of potentially seeing him get hurt was already unbearable for her. Sighing, he walked over to his room, wondering if there was something he might want to bring to show Hoseok.

_No, Hoseok, that’s stupid. Carrying anything with you is dangerous. Just focus on the task at hand._

He swept his eyes across the room for what felt like the last time- at the dingy colours of the walls and his furniture, at his cluttered desk with crumpled up paper balls scattered all over it. A soft orange glow radiated from his window, and Hoseok squeezed his eyes shut, his heart pounding loudly in his ears.

He had already discussed with Kihyun that the most efficient time of the day to carry out the plan would be at night, where everything was a lot less visible. The sun beginning to set meant that he would have to leave soon. He pace increased as he walked towards the kitchen. Grabbing a dishcloth from the rack above the kitchen sink, Hoseok closed his eyes as he wrapped it around his head. After tying a small knot, he stumbled his way towards the front door.

He never had a use for shoes (for obvious reasons), but they still had a few pairs for no picking up packages that were farther than arm’s length but close enough to not be in the gun’s shooting range.

He felt incredibly awkward after quite a struggle of putting them on, but shook it off quickly. He couldn’t tell through his blindfold but he hoped that the sun had set and the Earth had begun its slumber. He reached towards the doorknob, twisted it, and yanked the front door open, feeling a gust of cold, bitter wind bite his skin. Cursing at himself for not wearing something warmer, he took a deep breath and hoped that the Kihyun had his door open for him.

 


	13. Dewch o Hyd i Chi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hoseok, Hoseok, Hoseok,” Kihyun murmured softly, leaning back and reaching up to touch his cheek lightly. He gazed up at Hoseok with his dark, wide eyes, beaming with delight. “You’re here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mx's find you mv came out! nana cried a sea of tears at hyungwon's parts... stream [Find You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRSBHbmV7hM)

Jan 11th, 2062

 

Hoseok couldn’t see. He had his black blindfold secured on his head, eyes tightly closed to prevent the gun from being able to sense his lens, hands reaching out to grasp at the nearest object. Making sure that the object wasn’t the gun that was posed in front of him, he grabbed the wood railing and clambered down the steps of his porch wildly. 

Standing on the last step, Hoseok sucked in a deep breath. It was really happening. He was out. He had escaped. An unrestrained urge of happiness surged through him, as he tried to withstand the urge to yell out in glee. He had crossed the invisible barrier and the gun wasn’t activated. Hoseok clenched his fists in unbearable delight and reached out again to touch the end of the railing for support. Timidly stepping off the last step onto the sturdy ground, he knelt, touching the rough slabs of concrete with both hands. He squeezed his eyes tighter, gasping in short, quick breaths of air. Giving himself a moment to recover before continuing, Hoseok pulled himself back up. Reaching his hands in front of him, he turned towards the direction of Kihyun’s house before inching forward slowly, blindfold still secured on. 

Little by little, he tiptoed with careful treads, blindly trying to find his way through.  _ Twelve, thirteen, fourteen,  _ He counted his steps towards his destination, head bent down as if he was trying to see possibly anything through the cloth.  _ Thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three.  _ Feeling his foot hit a ledge, Hoseok stopped to stretch an arm out in front of him. Moving his arm slowly, he tried to make out what was in front of him that was blocking his way. He waved towards the left, then towards the right, having no contact with anything but the air around him. Grimacing in frustration, Hoseok lifted the foot that had hit the ledge and walked over it.  _ It had to be a rock of some sort,  _ Hoseok thought to himself as he planted his feet on solid ground once again.  _ It couldn’t have been Kihyun’s porch steps or anything.  _

After a few more steps, Hoseok found himself at the bottom of Kihyun’s house. He was standing on the concrete slab below the last step, hands rested gently on the wood railings. Removing a hand, he searched for the gun blindly, trying to locate it. Maybe he was being too quick or too clumsy, but Hoseok ended up smacking the gun and nearly knocking it off its position on the ground. 

Hoseok froze, hand still outstretched, body in an uncomfortable position. For a moment, there was nothing but silence. As if hearing Hoseok’s thoughts, a  strange beeping noise cut through the air. It was the gun and it was activated.

Hoseok was filled with fear. Cold sweat broke out as Hoseok quickly pulled his hands back and ducked down hurriedly for safety. His hands were clammy, his breath becoming increasingly fast gulps of oxygen. For a moment, Hoseok felt as if it would be the last time he ever took a breath full of fresh air. Clenching his hands together tightly, he squeezed his eyes even tighter and hoped. 

Five minutes had most likely already passed until the beeps from the gun finally came to a stop. It hadn’t spun or moved a single bit from its position, and if there was light flashing, Hoseok wouldn’t have known. Calming himself down a little, Hoseok stayed in his position for a few more minutes before picking himself back up again.

  
  


_ What the hell is that noise?  _ Kihyun thought to himself as he frowned out at the window. Something was beeping and it was sent back into the house with an annoying, consistent ring. Putting away the last dish that he had been washing, Kihyun hurried to the window, hoping to see or even listen better. 

Realization hit him hard as he got closer and closer to the window besides the entrance of the house. It was Hoseok. It was a signal that Hoseok had arrived.

_ Oh hell fucking no,  _ Kihyun thought,  feeling lightheaded  as each second passed.  _ What if it’s the gun _ _? W _ _ hat if it kills Hoseok? What if Hoseok- _

Kihyun yanked the door open, eyes frantically darting, searching from thing to thing.  _ No no no, those are trees, the  side-walk, the road, the houses, the gun-  _ Kihyun stared at it. It looked peculiar, unlike any of the guns he’d seen in pictures. Red light was flashing from the top of the gun, acting as a signal along with the beeps.  _ Where was Hoseok- Oh.  _ Kihyun stopped to stare.

A figure was crouched on the lowest step of his porch, with a dark cloth tied around his eyes. Hoseok had rouged plump lips, full cheeks and dark hair, its silky strands falling gracefully against his forehead. He was - beautiful.

_ He looks exactly like how I imagined him to look like,  _ Kihyun wondered to himself as he tore his eyes away from Hoseok. Opening the door a little wider for Hoseok to be able to find his way through, he murmured softly at Hoseok. “The door’s wide open for you, Hoseokkie.”

Saying Hoseok’s name was different than coding it out. He could feel his mouth shaping the words and the way he sounded his “s’s”, creating an entirely different meaning. It felt strange to be able to talk for the first time in so long. It wasn’t meaningless rambles to himself either, it had so much more to it. His voice felt like a piano slightly out of tune, distant and uncertain. Although he’s sang and talked to himself, it was the first time his voice ever reached a living being.  He felt a new, nearly indiscernible connection to his voice. There was suddenly meaning to what he said- every single consonant and vowel promptly became a message Hoseok could follow. There was a deep, heart-wrenching feeling in his gut at the feeling of finally saying something that  _ mattered _ to somebody. 

Hearing Kihyun’s soft voice fill his ears for the first time was inexpressible. Hoseok wouldn’t say that it was particularly bad, no, the opposite. His voice was melodious, a slight huskiness and hoarseness laced in his words after finally using it in years. Hiding a smile, Hoseok listened to Kihyun’s footsteps echoed further away from the door as he waited for him, trying to distract himself from the consistent beeps from the gun. He took a few breaths as he lingered on the last step of the porch until the annoying beeps ceased. Standing up quickly, Hoseok pushed his way through, careful to avoid the gun after learning his lesson and felt the smooth feel of wood. Pushing it slightly, he reached out into the air before him, only to hold on a hand. The palm was warm, the fingers wrapped around Hoseok’s hand lightly, although small in size. Grasping the hand tightly, Hoseok breathed out. “Kihyun?”He used his free hand to yank his blindfold off before being immediately blinded by the dazzling light of the room. He could feel Kihyun watch him as he let his eyes adjust to the lighting, dropping the cloth and using the same hand to rub at them. Kihyun was still holding his hand, even when Hoseok recovered, blinking a couple of times before focusing on him. 

Kihyun was beautiful. He had full, round cheeks and soft, delicate facial features, with plump, pink lips and deep, beautiful eyes framed by long, dark eyelashes. Kihyun reminded Hoseok of an adorable field mouse, adorable and charming and a comforting aura around him, making Hoseok feel warm and safe. Maybe it was that they were staring at each other for too long, but Kihyun reached out and pulled Hoseok into him with surprising strength. He threw his arms around Hoseok, standing on his tippy toes as he squeezed him hard. Surprise decorated his features as Hoseok wrapped a tentative arm around Kihyun’s waist, hugging him back. He buried his head in the crook of Kihyun’s shoulder, closing his eyes and sucking in his sweet smell of strawberries and thyme. He was warm and small in size, as if hugging him too tight would break his delicate build. 

“Hoseok, Hoseok, Hoseok,” Kihyun murmured softly, leaning back and reaching up to touch his cheek lightly. He gazed up at Hoseok with his dark, wide eyes, beaming with delight. “You’re here.” 

Hoseok smiled back at him, pulling Kihyun even closer to himself. “Yeah,” Hoseok laughed dryly. “I- I didn’t know what I was thinking about the entire time but I’m still here, yeah?” 

“Yep!” Kihyun replied brightly, smiling up at Hoseok. Then his smile faded. “I’m sorry if I end up making things awkward… I’m bad at this communicating thing,” Kihyun chuckled softly before continuing. “I haven’t talked to anyone for years. I’ve gotten so used to being by myself and talking to myself that I think I just lost complete knowledge on how to properly communicate with another human being.” He flashed another smile at Hoseok. 

Hoseok grinned back, rubbing a hand against Kihyun’s back, as if to comfort him. Kihyun sighed and nuzzled closer into his chest. Kihyun was really too adorable. “Don’t worry so much about it, Kihyunnie, you’re doing fine,” Hoseok said. “Besides, you have me! I’ll make the conversations more interesting.”

Kihyun let out a little laugh, his mischievous eyes crinkling up at the corners. “Oh really, Hoseok? Are you sure that you wouldn’t bore me to death?” 

Hoseok pouted, pretending to act sulky. “No, I swear I won’t, it’ll be really fun-” 

“Oh come on, you big baby,” Kihyun burst out laughing, using his fingers to smooth out his pout. “Don’t be sulky, I believe in you.” 

Almost immediately, Hoseok felt his act slip away as a wide smile replaced it. It was nearly impossible to act angry or sullen with Kihyun, because he always knew how to make Hoseok smile.

“But seriously, though,” Kihyun continued. “I’m so, so happy that you’re here with me, that I met you and that you’re safe. You don’t know how worried I was after you had told me that you were going to leave the house, I was so worried that you’d die out there, I just-” Kihyun broke off, lowering his head as tears sprung into his eyes. Hoseok slipped both hands into Kihyun’s, thumb rubbing comforting circles on the back of his hands. “But now that you’re here, I’ve never felt so happy and relieved before in my entire life,” Kihyun “You’re here, I can see you with my eyes, touch you and that’s the best gift I could ever receive in my entire life.” 

Hoseok blushed lightly, taking away a hand to rub the back of his neck. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me too,” He smiled at the back of Kihyun’s head before gently lifting his chin back up at Hoseok. Kihyun stared at him with tears in his eyes, his lips wobbling dangerously. It wasn’t fair that he was pretty when he cried too. Reaching up to his face, Hoseok gently brushed the wetness away while he stared at him. They were trapped in each other’s gaze, falling into the depths of their eyes, enjoying each moment while it lasted. 

“I love you, you know that?” Kihyun said, his voice trembling. He was still staring at Hoseok even though he had already directed his attention at the countless moles splashed on Kihyun’s skin. 

“I know. I love you too,” Hoseok replied, eyes soft while he drew out a pattern from the moles decorating the side of his neck. “More than anything and anyone in the world.”

Kihyun beamed at him, peering up at him with his dark wide eyes. He hugged Hoseok tightly again before breaking away. “But for how long will you stay for?” He asked curiously. “Will- will you get caught?” 

Hoseok’s smiled disappeared as he replied. “I don’t know. If I’m lucky, I’ll leave tomorrow morning. If I’m not…”   
No one said anything. Both of them knew that what “lucky” for them had meant. If Hoseok was still alive by then, he’d be able to leave the next morning. If he wasn’t, he’d be gone by morning. 

Finally, he shook his head. “I don’t know yet,” Hoseok replied hesitantly, twisting his hands from behind Kihyun. “Maybe...But anyways!” He said abruptly, trying to change the subject. “What were you up to before I came? Singing? Eating? Maybe cleaning?”

“Oh shut up,” Kihyun said playfully, pushing lightly at Hoseok. “I’m not  _ always  _ cleaning.” He then paused and looked up, as if trying to remember when the last time he was cleaning. “Ooookay,” He said finally. “Maybe it was only a few hours since I took apart the table to clean the small spaces in between.”

Hoseok stared at him, unable to come up with a response. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You took apart the table? Who does that-”   
“Oh shush,” Kihyun giggled gently, smiling up at Hoseok. “It had a lot of dust in between! I had to clean it otherwise it would have bothered me until the day I died.” 

At Hoseok’s dumbfounded expression, he hurriedly added more. “Of course, I was also bored and had really nothing else to do.”   
“You were  _ bored  _ so you decided to take apart your perfectly fine table?” Hoseok couldn’t believe his ears. Why  _ ever _ would someone want to take apart a table and clean it for fun? He told Kihyun that and his reply was to pout back at him. 

“Let me be! I wanted to clean it...It was dirty anyways and I had done everything else I wanted to do.” Kihyun said as the corners of his mouth turned downwards. 

“What other stuff have you cleaned before as well that you haven’t told me yet-” Hoseok asked, looking suspiciously at Kihyun’s innocent expression. 

“Nothing much!” He replied with, grinning widely. “My refrigerator once, the door, and the bathroom sink.” 

“How can that possibly be not a lot? Don’t tell me, you took the door off its hinges and wiped it all over and took apart the refrigerator piece by piece and cleaned it.”  _ What was Kihyun thinking about when he did all those things? _

“Yep!” Kihyun replied eagerly, his eyes gleaming  as he brushed off the judgement. “I did that exactly. Deal with it, Hoseokkie. If you’re going to live with me, then you have to get used to it,” Kihyun then promptly stopped talking, face dusted with a light shade of pink. In a low voice, he continued. “If that is, you know, going to happen. If you are going to live with me.” 

Hoseok felt his entire body melt as he nearly cooed out loud at Kihyun’s cuteness. “I will Kihyun, I promise you. I won’t ever leave you, no matter what happens, okay?”   
Kihyun nodded before scrunching up his nose. “Stop being so soft ew ewwww.”

Hoseok beamed, unable to contain himself from the look on Kihyun’s face. “You were literally being sappy yourself one minute ago and now you’re telling me that I can’t be sappy to you?” Hoseok sighed for a dramatic effect and resumed. “Heartbreaking, absolutely devastating.”   
Kihyun giggled, a small clear sound that lifted his heart even higher. Hoseok could listen to Kihyun laugh forever. “Stop, don’t be so dramatic, Seokkie.”

A laugh bubbled out of Hoseok as he felt happier than he had been for days. “Sure, sure, sure, baby. You really don’t let me be sappy, huh?”

Kihyun blushed, the tips of his ears and cheeks turning a pretty pink. “C-Can you say that again?” He stuttered out, shying away from Hoseok’s strong gaze.

“Say what? That you really don’t let me be sappy?” Hoseok replied, confused and oblivious. 

Kihyun shook his head slightly, still peering down at the floor in embarrassment. “No...the other one.”

A short pause ensued as Hoseok tried to rack his brain for the word that Kihyun might’ve wanted to hear.  _ Ah.  _ Smiling mischievously, he said, “Baby?”

Instantly, Kihyun turned red and whined softly, burrowing his head into Hoseok’s chest in bashfulness. Hoseok cracked a grin before saying, “So you like it when I call you baby? He knew that he had never said it out loud to Kihyun yet, which may have been the reason that he was so mortified. 

“Shut up,” Kihyun groaned in humiliation as he made little fists at Hoseok’s chest. “Stop teasing me!” He whined, pouting deeply into his sweater. 

“No I’m not teasing you,” Hoseok said, chuckling. “I just find it so adorable. So very Yoo Kihyun.” 

Kihyun hummed in reply, obviously gaining back his confidence as he said, “Okay then,  _ babe.” _

At that, Hoseok doubled up with laughter, having to release Kihyun to be able to stop himself. He could feel Kihyun’s offended stare on him as he chortled. 

“Why are you laughing?” Kihyun complained, crossing his arms. “I was trying to be cool-”

Straightening up, Hoseok smirked at Kihyun, resting lightly against a chair nearby. “So I’m the babe and you’re the baby in this relationship?”

Flustered from head to toe, Kihyun punched his chest a couple of times with his loosely-fisted hands, grumbling under his breath. “Are you quite done with the teasing?” He demanded, folding his arms once again. 

“Yep, finished.” Hoseok smiled brightly in return, glancing around the room once. 

“Okay great,” Kihyun huffed out, uncrossing his arms to only fling them around Hoseok again. “I’ve probably said this so many times, but really, thank you for coming to find me,” He said, Hoseok’s sweater muffling his words. Hoseok opened his mouth to say something but Kihyun continued instead. “If you hadn’t come to find me,  _ wanted  _ to come, and heck, even took the initiative to communicate to me, I would’ve probably went insane. You’ve saved my life countless times and I really owe you all of it.”

“It’s all because of you,” Hoseok replied lowly. “Because of you I’m here. I have never imagined myself to have left my house and reached somewhere safely, but you have helped me rediscover hope and find my courage, and I  _ also  _ can’t thank you enough.”

Kihyun smiled at him in response and said lightly, “Hey, let’s come get you settled and know your surroundings, okay?” 

Hoseok hummed in reply, reaching out to grasp Kihyun’s hand as he lead them to their uncertain f ate .

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

The muffled sound of running water rushed through his ears as Kihyun sat idly at the side of his bed. Time remained static as the memories of the day whizzed through his mind, sending any coherent train of thought into oblivion. What had happened after Hoseok made it into his house? It felt like a blur, almost as though what he experienced during the past day had all been but a fever dream. They had seen each other, heard each other, touched each other- those actions alone were more than Kihyun could possibly grasp. After that brief moment of joy that had ensued, it was almost as if a blanket of awkwardness had draped over them. Then, in a flurry of panic, he’d stuttered out an offer to show Hoseok around his house and a few things that he’d cherished as a child. Bewildered, Hoseok had accepted it. 

Kihyun didn’t think his house would be a very interesting aspect of his life to show Hoseok. A blur of white and a million hues of gray and brown- it was a thoughtless decision made in a spur of panic. But it was already done; he couldn’t go back now. 

“The hallway leads into the kitchen,” Kihyun took Hoseok’s hand, stopping at where the hallway opened up. “It’s where I cook.”

“Well I would sure hope you _do_ cook in your kitchen-” Hoseok started before Kihyun smacked him lightly in the side. 

“Shut up.”

“Shutting up.”

Kihyun tilted his head towards the gaping window, a stool sitting before the ledge. “This is where I sit to talk to you. Well, sat. I guess I don’t really need it there anymore, huh?”

He felt Hoseok take his hand again after he’d let go to smack him, squeezing it gently. 

“You know,” Hoseok started, “my mother once sent an e-letter to the government asking for an ungodly amount of lemon juice.”

Kihyun turned to face Hoseok, wide-eyed and mildly taken aback.

“What?  Why ? Did she actually?” 

“Yep,” Hoseok smiled, taking enjoyment in Kihyun’s disbelief.

“How did the government respond?” Kihyun asked, despite already knowing the answer.

“How do you think they responded?” Hoseok teased lightly. Kihyun rolled his eyes,  ignoring Hoseok’s reply and instead changing the topic.

“If you walk this way, you see the living room,” Kihyun walked towards a wide door frame, dragging Hoseok along with him.

Upon entering the room, Kihyun wondered how different this must feel for Hoseok. The way loneliness resonated throughout the house wasn’t something he figured Hoseok was used to, and for a moment he felt as though Hoseok deserved more, more than he could offer. Hoseok deserved a place that was warm and welcoming and-

“Fancy couches,” Hoseok remarked, and Kihyun remembered that he was here with him, holding his hand and suddenly everything felt okay again. 

“I have a music player in a cabinet somewhere. We could play something, if you’d like,” Kihyun turned to Hoseok smiling brightly. 

Hoseok’s eyes grew soft at Kihyun’s smile, and squeezed his hand again.

“We can listen to something after you show me everything.”

Kihyun could not object. 

Showing Hoseok his bedroom was incredibly anticlimactic he nearly laughed. Everything was blandly decorated (in fact there were no decorations at all). The bathroom wasn’t much different. That left one last room in the house- his father’s study.

Hoseok who had read probably three books in his entire lifetime was amazed by the archaic collection before him. Kihyun had to look over to many times at Hoseok to check whether or not he was functioning (most times not).

“I’ve read every single book in this room,” mused Kihyun, wondering how Hoseok would react to that statement. “Multiple times, in fact.”

“Nerd,” teased Hoseok, sticking his tongue out for a split second before grimacing and coughing out dust.

Kihyun couldn’t help but burst out into laughter before the very same unfortunate fate befell him. 

An hour later, they were back in Kihyun’s bedroom where they could finally breathe without the threat of having their airway constricted.

“An experience, I must say. I’ve never choked on dust before,” stated Hoseok in a deadpan manner.

“I for one, have eaten so much dust I’m surprised I’m still alive,” mumbled Kihyun as he stared at Hoseok’s orange sweater that wasn’t quite orange anymore. He wasn’t sure if Hoseok had taken a tumble on the way here, but naturally it bothered Kihyun, a man who took apart tables just so he could clean them better.

Hoseok seemed to notice and looked down, becoming increasingly self-conscious. Red blossomed in his cheeks as he turned away.

“I have no idea how these stains got here, to be completely honest,” he mumbled. Kihyun shot up and shuffled through his clothes in his wardrobe. He was smaller than Hoseok, but surely at least some of his clothes could fit him, right? After digging up an old t-shirt and a pair of oversized pajama pants, he threw them towards Hoseok who managed to catch them.

“ I’m probably really unsanitary right now because of… all that. Can I take a quick shower?  In your bathroom or wherever you go take showers- ” Flustered as ever, Hoseok looked like he wanted to disappear into a hole and Kihyun wanted to spare him from further embarrassment, so he shot him a simple “Yeah, sure,” and turned to look out the window because now he was the one who was blushing.

Kihyun’s thoughts faded away just in time for him to hear the water stop abruptly and the crinkling of plastic as the shower curtain slid open. There was rustling and some rather concerning sounds of struggle as he stared at his bathroom door with a raised eyebrow. A few minutes passed before the door creaked open and golden light spilled through the crack into the dimly lit room. 

A shrivelled and awkward looking Hoseok emerged from the light, the sleeves of Kihyun’s t-shirt clinging onto his biceps a little too tightly. His pants were more well-fitted, stopping just above his ankle, loose and flowy at the end. But Kihyun’s attention wasn’t focused on how well Hoseok’s clothes clung on his skin, neither did he care that his t-shirt looked as if it was about to tear apart. His eyes were fixed on the man himself. The dampness of his hair as it lingered on his glowing skin and the way his lips were slightly parted; Kihyun felt his mouth go dry. His thoughts became more muddled each step Hoseok took towards him and he could feel heat spread throughout his body- from his face to the tips of his fingers, every single nerve felt electrified. There was an almost magnetic feeling of yearning in his gut that was trying to pull him towards the man in front of him, but fear and uncertainty held it back. 

The sun had long set and the only light in the room was the faint glow of the lamp on Kihyun’s nightstand that flickered gently every once in a while. It was almost as though the light was sculpting Hoseok’s face in a different way and Kihyun couldn’t tear his eyes away from the art manifesting in front of him. 

“Um,” Hoseok cleared his throat, his eyes shifting towards the window. Kihyun squeezed his eyes shut and turned the opposite direction, berating himself.

_ You finally managed to move past the awkwardness earlier and now you’ve brought it all back. And how? By staring at him like an idiot. _

“Where should I sit?” 

Kihyun had never felt so helpless. He was absolutely sure he was redder than a tomato at this point, and the fact that Hoseok could see every single expression made the situation worse by the second.

“Um, you can sit next to me,” Kihyun turned his head back around slowly to see that Hoseok had done the same, and both of them were desperately trying to hide their eyes behind their bangs. 

“On the bed?”

“Yeah, come.”

Hoseok walked over, his movements hesitant, and sat down slowly next to Kihyun, who felt his heartbeat grow so loud he wondered if Hoseok could hear it. Silence engulfed them, and it was almost reminiscent of the hundreds of times they sat in front of their kitchen windows, leaning back and basking in it. Except this time, it wasn’t comfortable by any means. Before, their faces and expressions were masked behind the foreboding glass of their windows, serving as some kind of shield for Kihyun’s vulnerability. Now, as he sat on the edge of his mattress next to the man he felt nothing but love for, he felt completely defenseless. He gulped (very visibly) and slowly tilted his head up to meet Hoseok’s eyes. They too were filled with uncertainty and mild discomfort, but there was something about the intensity swimming in them that made Kihyun’s heart skip a beat. Just like that, everything else except for the two of them seemed to dissipate and Kihyun wondered how long they could stay like this, lost in each other’s gaze. If the world had fell away before them and disappeared, would he even notice?

Then, like a harsh yank back into reality, a million unwelcome thoughts surged into Kihyun’s mind, sobering him from his trance. His right arm which he’d been leaning on grew numb as he fidgeted with his sheets uncomfortably with his left hand. 

“You’re mother… how did she react to… what you planned to do?” The words that came out of him felt strange and nearly intangible, seeming as though they were being said by somebody else. An uneasy feeling began to stir in the pit of his stomach at the thought of Hoseok breaking the news to his mother.

Hoseok, slightly dazed, blinked at first before comprehending the question. He looked away, as if he wanted to avoid the very notion of it. Shame clouded his eyes, but it was soon washed away as they flicked back to meet Kihyun’s.

“She… it doesn’t matter now. I’m here and there isn’t anything I can do to change that. But as long as she knows that I’m here, happy with you, I’m sure she’ll be happy too.” Kihyun could detect doubt in Hoseok’s tone as he finished his sentence, but nevertheless he remained silent. He cast his eyes downwards towards his lap, allowing the tiniest of sighs to escape him. Hoseok was right. No matter what the repercussions of his actions were, they couldn’t do anything about it now.

A few moments seem to pass by before Kihyun looked back up, only to be met with Hoseok staring at him with an unfathomable expression on his face. The intensity that he’d seen in his eyes before had returned, but this time it was softer and somehow fuller. If somebody’s very stare could swallow someone whole, this was it. His breath caught inside his chest and his heartbeat pounded loudly in his ears.

Kihyun could name a million instances where he had felt this way- all of his senses suspended in the moment, feeling so incredibly powerless. There was always a myriad of emotions that would sweep him under; a mixture of fear, anger, shock, excitement, or all of them at once. His mind flashed back to nine years ago when he had sat up on his bed, daring not to make a single move after hearing a blast in the air. He remembered the spike of nausea as the ceaseless rhythm of his heart thrummed in his ears, almost like 10 more gunshots had erupted inside him. Returning closer to the present, he could remember sitting on a stool in front of the kitchen window, the sun having long dipped behind the mountains far into the distance (Kihyun couldn’t see them, but he liked to imagine that there was an endless roll of green hills somewhere beyond their neighbourhoods, a place where people could maybe roam freely). It was about to be one of the most momentous occasions in his life, but he hadn’t known it quite yet. The thrumming in his ears had been coming from a different place in his heart, a more forgiving one. Kihyun pulled himself back into the present, staring at the boy in front of him. His heart ached in all sorts of different ways at the sight, and there was so much tenderness he felt for him he almost couldn’t contain it. It was the same feeling he had felt almost a million times in what seemed like a million different occasions, but at this very moment it felt unfamiliar yet at the same time it begged for Kihyun to discover what it was.

Hoseok mumbled a few quiet words, Kihyun’s ears straining to catch them.  “Can… can I kiss you?” 

His quiet whisper, these four words spoken in the middle of this house, this house so filled with death in every corner, they blow away anything Kihyun can think about. He’s felt like he’s a beat behind the universe, but these four words. These four words, they pull everything back to tempo. “Yes.”

Hoseok’s hesitant hand raises to Kihyun’s cheek. He touches carefully, like Kihyun is a porcelain statue that might crack with the slightest touch.Their lips barely touch, a careful dance of first times and second hand experience. They draw on everything they have - stories that describe kisses as explosions, as the universe coming together. It’s nothing so insane, but it’s… slow. It’s soft, it’s tender. It’s a cautious touch that brings them closer than ever.

Hoseok draws something else out of the warmth, a different kind of heat. He takes it as warily as ever, but it crashes over the sweet first kiss. Maybe this is what they were talking about in books - the collision of stars and the alignment of planets. It causes starbursts behind Kihyun’s eyes, who is learning to throw all of himself into this uncertain kiss. With every push forwards Hoseok makes, Kihyun insistently pushes back.

Kihyun feels the air in his lungs being sucked away from him, a torturous pleasure. He finally has to let go, has to come back up for air, drowned in a sea of warmth. Hoseok lets go as well, and they quietly huff in the afterglow of the kiss. Kihyun catches his breath first, giggling at Hoseok’s red face. Hoseok responds in kind with another kiss, this one persistent, and Kihyun relents.

“I love you,” Hoseok whispers reverently. Kihyun catches the fire of Hoseok’s emotions, and he might burn up if not for Hoseok’s anchoring touch.

Kihyun lets out a hushed laugh. “Just don’t leave.” He leans in tentatively, a speechless question. Hoseok responds with his own silent answer, because Hoseok is attuned to Kihyun’s rhythm.

 

🏚. . . ❤︎. . .🏚

 

Minhyuk lay beneath his sheets, staring up at the ceiling. His mind and all of his thoughts felt like they were thrown into a dark, unforgiving void, floating aimlessly with little meaning. As much as he wanted to pretend that Hoseok hadn’t left after all, and that he was in his own bed soundly asleep, he knew deep inside that it was not the case. He knew Hoseok too well for that to be true. He knew he wasn’t dead- yet. There had been no gunshots fired into the air, only a faint yet piercing beeping sound that had rung out through the air before. 

He felt a calming sense of peace at the thought of Hoseok alive, happy with the man he loved the most, but that didn’t change the fact that Minhyuk had lost his best friend. Hoseok, who had been with him before they even learned to walk, who’d kept him company throughout his teenage years to his adolescence- he had been erased completely from Minhyuk’s life the moment he walked out of his front door. There would be no more jokes that left them rolling on the floor clutching their stomachs, no more futilely pondering about the future as they poked fun at the government, no more consoling and reassuring whenever one of them had an upsetting day. 

Hoseok was probably feeling more alive at this moment than Minhyuk could ever feel in his entire life, but it made no more difference than if he had died. He knew he wouldn’t be completely alone- he had a loving family who would try their best to comfort him after he broke the news to them, and he was grateful for them. But it wouldn’t be too long before they left him too. Hoseok was somebody who Minhyuk thought would accompany him until their heads turned gray and their fingers too stiff to tap messages to each other, but all of that was now scrapped away as simply as a flick of the wrist. 

Minhyuk turned to his side, feeling as though a part of himself was lost. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the sting of tears against his eyes and sobs raked through his quivering body.

There wasn’t anything more crushing than the feeling of emptiness as his tear-filled eyes flicked up towards the window that nobody would ever answer to again. There would never be anything but silence on the other side.

 


	14. PLS READ (IMPORTANT)

Hello! 

 

As seen on the chapter title, this is not an update!

We're bringing you sad news instead...Hiraeth will no longer be updated anymore. Through countless discussions between us two, we have decided that considering the circumstances, it is best if we do not update or write Hiraeth.

If you know the plot and ending, you'd know why we decided to call quits on Hiraeth. There is a reason for us to be the "Major Character Death" tag. It's such a shitty ending...but we have to follow the plot right? We couldn't have changed the entire ending and make it happier, because it wouldn't be following the main plot that Lara had first constructed. Yes, Hoseok leaves Kihyun and dies at the end. Our situation right now in real life is pretty touchy and we didn't think that finishing Hiraeth would help with it at all. 

 

Nevertheless, we hope that you will always be supporting and loving MONSTA X, whether they end up remaining as ot6 or whether Wonho comes back. Never give up, never stop fighting for him. He deserves the entire world and monbebes, try your best to give him the least okay? 

 

 

Nana: Thank you for supporting us the entire time, throughout the story. We are quite aware the this story probably has a lot of plot holes, but thank you for leaving sweet comments and words of encouragement nonetheless. I will be posting a new fic sooner or later, so please be excited for that! Thank you once again~

Dan: It was both of our first fic and writing and we both learnt a lot of shit through this process. Thank you for making this experience for us memorable.  
  
  
FIND US ON TWT [dan](https://twitter.com/_flowerchae_) & [nana](https://twitter.com/kihyunqx)

 


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